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So the devil you know is better than the devil you don't?
What a load of bullshit!
What if I only know angels?
What if I'm the devil?
So many possibilities that can coincide with this damn question makes it obsolete!
Like many things I guess nothing is perfect, but that is what makes it fun!
Right? Someone agree with me so I can stop feeling like I am talking to myself.
Even though that is what I am doing trying to convey my own hypnotic thoughts.
It doesn't work or it may never work. Maybe I need a little more insane friends.
Maybe I just need to become more sane if such a thing were possible.
Whatever the case I guess the space where my conscience should be is empty.
Replaced with a natural indifference a sudden need to not care I guess.
Though I have been known to let people in however disastrous that may have ended.
Which gives way to my drinking problem well that and a constant suppression.
Holding in what I want to say or what I want to do is something I am not used to.
Therefore I decide to go to other places to do something, something dark.
It's the only way as of late to keep the peace, to keep society the way it is.
Unfortunately it is hard to do, to fight myself my urges when I usually just give in.
Oh woe is me oh sob oh cry boooohooooo
I hardly feel that sting it's more of a sore now an ache every now and then.
Replaced now with liquor and the anger that was being suppressed.
I'd say it was simply too much but part of me likes to watch myself.
To see what it is I think about when I am feeling angry.
My own homicidal urges suppressed the anger distilled the images in my head.
The voices so shrill I don't think I will snap or anything anymore.
It seems to me that my rage is a quiet type of rage.
Raw yet controllable swift yet fierce.
A contradiction as most things about me seem to be.
A simple complex person I guess would summarize me.
Though it makes no sense.
As I said before:
So many possibilities that can coincide with this damn question makes it obsolete!
Does that mean I think of myself as an obsolete being?
That I think myself lower than the common man unfit to roam society?
These are questions about me that I don't have answers to.
Taunted by my own inferiority at knowing things about myself I rely on people's judgement in a way, yet all I hear are insults.
I like to be insulted yes, I do so enjoy people's raw energy when they show.
It just shows that hardly anyone these days is anything but a liar.
A liar a sinner a whore these categories everyone can fit into in at least one point in their probably miserable life.
I accept the gloom of my life the misery and woe the anger and all the negative little things.
I used to wish for these things to change to positives but if they really did, even I am unsure that I could withstand the positive light of this "good change"
Living so long off of hatred and anger and not caring about anyone
this whole "******** you" attitude of mine is it really worth changing
even if it is I don't know if I want to change anymore.
I am confusing myself so I don't even know if this'll make sense if anyone reads it.
I am swimming in the darkness of my mind clouded with drugs and alcohol
Forever lost but it feels alright far from home.