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I went to therapy today. It sucked I guess. Now I have to worry about being put in an insane asylum. Can you believe it? He says being without a conscience is bad, but also having attach/detachment issues at the same time. Not to mention the parinoia. Is horrible. I need emotional stability. He says, someone I can always rely on. For most of my life the people I picked have left me alone. Though who's to blame there? Them or my emotional stability problems. For the most part when all else failed, I had my mom. Now she openly hates me. He says i'm not allowed to bottle up. It could lead to violent outbursts. I also experienced my first blackout today. Horrible stuff. It's like life wants me to murder everyone. Can't you hear the whispers? I just want to love, and be loved. It seems that love can only be an immature fantasy for me, and hope is just another drug to get me through it all. I am the hand of madness. Why not accept it? I'm truly alone now in my heart. I'm falling won't someone catch me?