This is all essentially venting...
It's amazing how stressful the past few weeks have been. I don't think I've been this stressed in a long time, both academic stress and emotional stress.
School wise, I'm having trouble keeping up with everything. Though, I'm going to blame math, and my math lab. I'm doing fine in my other classes...but I officially just failed my math class. =( By two points. TWO points. Apparently, a 78 isn't good enough.
I don't feel like writing about school though. I guess I just need to vent about everything that has been bothering me recently.
I can't help but fear that I will never meet a guy. I know, it sounds entirely lame. I'm 18, such a thing should not be a fear as of yet. However, I can't help but fear that I won't. I'm not pretty enough, nor am I outgoing enough. I'm not the typical girl. I suppose I just don't see myself as desirable.
I know, that sounds so...so...cliche? So....almost emo? I'm not emo though, I swear. Just stressed. And this constant stress throughout the past few weeks is causing me to think rather negative thoughts, primarily about myself.
A week or two ago I could not help but feel fully overwhelmed. It was a Thursday. I was sitting in my first class, and suddenly, I was attacked by so many anxious thoughts. I was so jittery and short of breath...I ended up skipping my next class, just to give myself some time to calm down.
I kept feeling anxious throughout the rest of the day. Even so to the point of mentally crashing in English. It was silly, but I started crying, I left the room to calm down, but still, I felt so...I don't even know. But there I was, sitting on the side of the wall, crying. Like a child.
I suppose it was a mental crash of everything. Feelings of inferiority, the idea that academically I was crashing, self esteem issues, the idea of my best friend moving to Miami, and the fact I am, slowly drifting away from another friend... I just couldn't believe I was crying, in college.
I've since calmed down, and I suppose I'm trying to build my self esteem back up. Since it did randomly crash all of a sudden. I feel silly even writing all of this, I just felt the need to vent. Reflect on the past few weeks.
Things feel like they are falling apart. Hopefully, this summer things work out as planned. I can't wait until school officially ends. It's driving me insane.
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"No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities.-Christian Nestell Bovee
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TheUnknownGuardian01 Community Member 
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Furious Styles the Green Lantern of Gaia