It's strange. I've always realized it would happen. We've talked about it more times then I can even allow myself to count, perhaps daily. Yet, now for some strange reason, it has finally hit me. Out of nowhere. It's hit me.
My best friend is moving away for College. I know, rather typical. I myself am already in College (though, given, it's a community school only a few miles from where I live, and I still live at home.) Though I do plan on transferring to a school a bit farther after these two years finish.
Still though, my best friend is moving. Perhaps across the country. And it is true that I have always known that this day will come. However, It's never impacted me. Not until just a while ago. I was standing in my bathroom, cleaning it (disgusting) and right as I'm scrubbing the sink, I realize it. Like a ton of heavy books smashing on my face. Only, with less bruising.
Perhaps it is the fact that my other best friend is acting as if he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like I'm losing the two people I truly care about in my life. My best male friend has been slowing drifting away from me. I'm starting to feel as if I only exist when he needs someone understanding to talk to, or perhaps, a favor. He never wants to just hang out anymore. Though, he does claim it is because he is busy. Still, I feel forgotten.
Part of the issue is that he likes this girl. Which is fine by me. However, being the female best friend, it seems as if I tend to get pushed aside in favor of a relationship. It hurts. I've always been one to favor friendships. In my personal thoughts, they come first. If I ever get a boyfriend, (and I'm really starting to wonder if I ever will, seeing as my luck in that area has been terribly bad....) I would want him to understand that I have a male best friend, and he is important to be, and I'm not willing to drop a friendship.
I guess he doesn't feel the same way.
The feeling that I'm losing my two longest running, and best friendships is painful. I'm not overall that great at forming friendships. I'm shy, and when I meet people, I tend to be much more introverted then I am in reality. These two people have meant the world, and more, to me. And the idea of losing them both in one swift kick is making my stomach feel as if it is playing host to the entire US Olympic Gymnastics team.
I know no one reads this. Mainly due to the fact I never really post on Gaia. At least not as often as I should.... However, I needed to rant. And this is one of the few places neither of my friends mentioned will stumble across.
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"No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities.-Christian Nestell Bovee
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PrettyGuardianSailorMoon Community Member 
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I'm so sorry about the whole losing your friends thing, though I can't really relate yet. I mean I'm in college as well (also a community college), but my friends go there now that they have graduated and we all have an apartment together. I dread the day when we all get ACTUAL jobs and begin moving away.
As the the male best friend topic, I wish I knew how that was, alas I've never had a good friend that was a girl, probably the reason I've only had one relationship in my life. I know how you feel when you said "I am wondering if I ever will". Trust me... oh do I know... again you have my sympathy. Though I can't understand how you wouldn't have a boyfriend with you being as beautiful as you are and obviously in the upper echelon of intelligence on this site. But then again, its gaia so maybe that's not as much of a compliment as I wanted it to be. =P
Hey, well one person has read it now.... lol, I found your profile from an old topic of mine I was looking through.
Also, Kudos for the length of this... Usually no one puts any time or effort into journals. I know I don't.... I've never even done one. lol
If you ever read this, good luck with the friend situation and I hope you have a wonderful night! =)