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 Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:24 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2019 9:14 pm
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Posted: Mon May 18, 2020 4:45 pm
Vlog-entries from various points during his road trip -- Counting them all as one solo - Quote: Vlog entry - Introductions (April-ish, since the breakup was at the start of February that year.) [in a car, camera is unsteady at first, but finally settles and focuses on Wyatt] Hey. So. I don't expect to ever really have anyone watch this s**t- [Wyatt runs a ran through his hair, pushing it back out of his face] -but I just...need to feel like I'm talking to someone I guess. Or have someone around. [deep breath and a melancholy/perturbed look on his face as he leans back in the driver's seat of the parked car] So introductions. Hey. I'm Wyatt, you can call me a*****e, a lot of people do- [he gives a sort of exasperated smirk/look at the camera before looking back out at whatever is outside the front window, giving the camera the occasional glance as he continues.] but uh, yeah. About a month or two ago, at the start of February, I got a breakup text from my now Ex-husband and he went ghost after that so I've been dealing with that. Legal s**t. Learned to drive. Sold the house. Bought this car. Quit my job. Now, I'm leaving Destiny City. I don't know where I'm going, or if I'll be back. My only plan now is to have one long, looong, roadtrip. And you are my travel companion. Maybe my dashboard psychologist. It should be fun. [End video] ---------------------------- Quote: Vlog Entry - It Should Be Fun, I said. [The video opens up to immediately show Wyatt cussing at traffic. There is a lot of car beeping in the background. Wyatt hits the back of his head on the headrest a few times before looking at the camera while his head is leaned against the headrest still] So getting out of DC has been going great. If you can't tell- [He reaches out and swivels the camera (which is mounted to the center of the dash) to see the traffic to get on to the interstate. It is at a standstill and it looks like the car right in front of Wyatt is pulling a real d**k move and trying to cut in and is now blocking both lanes of traffic, even though no one is moving anyway. The camera then turns back to ********. Love it. Best road trip ever. [The fake happiness drops from his face and he looks utterly unenthused.] I hate it. [End Video] ---------------------------- Quote: Vlog Entry - Gas Station Food [The video opens up to Wyatt parked at a gas station / possibly truck stop with a box of food. He is looking at the box intently as he begins to speak.] Guys. Why did none of you, ever, in my life, tell me about gas station food- [sharply looks at the camera] -and how it has no business being this good? [he then picks up a chicken tendie and proceeds to sound mad and frustrated, but is objiously just being dramatic and joking around] Like...I enjoy cooking, honestly more than I enjoy eating, but I -do- enjoy good food and like. Just. Now I feel like I have to step up my cooking game because a goddamn gas station is outdoing me on ******** chicken tenders. Like. Does Gordan Ramsey know about this!? [Then the joking seemed to leave him, as he placed the tender back into the box] You know, I started cooking to take care of my Ex, back when we were just dating. looking back, I was always the caretaker. [He sighed, expressions ebbing and flowing across his face. He might have only had the memories from when he was Bismuthite, but he had detailed quite well in his 'Letter to My Post-Purification Self' letter all that he and his Ex had been through, powered and non-powered.] I was always more concerned with his health, happiness, and wellbeing than he was. I don't ever recall a time when the roles were reversed. I know it sounds like I'm just making them sound bad and trying to play up myself and get pitty points but- [Shrug. Even with the memory loss from purification, there had not really been a time when it wasn't him making the grand gestures and taking care of his ex, whether he remembered it or not. He'd eventually come to realize the relationship for what it was - obligation, not love] It is what it is. My truth. How I feel. [He sighed, then shifted his tone back to something more annoyed and sassy] But, you know, whatever. I'm done taking care of people- [He would, in fact, not be done taking care of people] -screw that s**t. These goddamn chicken tenders can fill that void in my life. [End Video] ---------------------------- Quote: Vlog Entry - Summer (Takes place at the beginning of summer) [The camera turns on and shows a simple motel room. The camera is stationed on the chest of drawers in front of the standard motel TV that sits on top of it. Wyatt sits down on the edge of the bed, facing the camera] Okay, so it has officially gotten too hot to sleep in the car. Guys. Southern heat is so different from DC heat. I don't like it. Ummm... Apparently a few counties over there is some sort of music festival, and the traffic is terrible and, well, you've seen me and traffic- [there are more traffic rantig videos than just the one I wrote out. Lol] -and I am not having it. So I've stopped in the tiny mountain town. It is quiet. Quaint. Saw some real s**t at the walmart though. Like weirder than normal Walmart s**t. But yeah. Music festival. It ends on Sunday so I guess I'm stuck here for at least Tuesday. I wanna give traffic time to clear out. There are a lot of hiking trails out here, so I think I'm going to take advantage of that. If the ********' heat doesn't kill me first. You know- [cue dripping sarcasm] -delicate flower that I am. [normal tone resumes] So yeah. I'll drag you along on my hiking adventure. And if we start hearing banjos maybe I'll get the video uploaded so someone can find my sorry a**. Not that anyone really is watching this s**t. Right? [The actual vlog views are maybe one or two, and no interaction or comments so yeah. Wyatt sighs and makes a bit of a face that is a mix of 'whatever' and exasperation.] I do hope that someday though maybe someone will give a s**t. Not about this vlog but about me. I spent so much time giving myself and not really...getting that care in return or...having to... Or coercing it out of a certain someone. I don't know. [he ran a rand through his hair] I'm not sure any of that was real or if... I just was.. [a heavy sigh and Wyatt reaches to turn off the camera] ..whatever.. [End video] ---------------------------- Quote: Vlog Entry - Hiking [The video begins as Wyatt is on a hiking trail, heavily shaded by trees] So, we are out here. In nature. I...honestly I haven't done a lot of hiking before. [There is a long bit of silence as Wyatt just walks. There is a jumpcut as Wyatt is at a rocky riverside, and he sits down on a larger rock, looking out over the water.] In a place like this it really makes you think....how easy it really is to just disappear. To just extract yourself from civilization. From everyone's life. I didn't think I could ever understand how my ex could just...leave like that. Just shoot a text and then gone. But here, alone, cut off from everything, just yourself and nature.... Holding yourself and your actions accountable to no one.. There is freedom in that. And I have to wonder if I really was just a monster trapping him in a life he didn't want and he finally found it in him to get away, and the only way he could do that was..... [Wyatt shook his head, stopping that thought. He didn't know if his Ex had offed himself, or went to the Negaverse to find death or....something else. But this is the point where Wyatt starts seeing his past actions as bad, and start blaming himself and really examining his actions with a negatively critical eye, painting himself some sort of monster. A long silence followed, just the sounds of nature and the babbling of water. Then in almost a whisper, and seemingly just lost in his mind] I thought I was helping. I was just forcing him in a cage. And I couldn't set aside my own wants either. It was too much. I can't put anyone else through that. I could disappear here and no one would suffer me ever again. I'm just a controlling monster. I thought I was helping. [The camera then shuts off, presumably out of battery] [End Video] ---------------------------- Quote: Vlog Entry - Many days later [driving along] So, finally off that mountain. Temperatures are still hot as balls. I'm heading out westward so...maybe I'll get a drier heat. ******** this humidity. [Proceeds with more humorous commentary about various thing, not a word about the last video's kind of...deep thoughts] [End Video] ---------------------------- Quote: [Wyatt starts doing hotel/campsite reviews, various entries showing where he's at and sharing his musings about the scenery, various memes are shared, and a LOT more singing to the radio, and the occasional humorous bitching about traffic. All in all he seems to play the sardonic comedian quite well] ---------------------------- Quote: Vlog Entry - Outlook [Takes place during this solo; https://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=25387686#386069835 It is now sometime in August. The dashboard mounted camera is pointing outwards, instead of at the driver seat, where Wyatt is seated on the hood of the car, looking out over a mountainside overlook, drinking out of a water bottle. There is no sound. Just watching the sunset, until at last there was no more sun. Then Wyatt slides off the hood and there is the sound of the driver side door opening, a dinging of the door, then the door shutting. It sounded like Wyatt had sat down, but then there was a jingling. The video couldn't catch it, but Wyatt had grabbed the rings that hung from a chain around the rearview mirror. The sound of the door opening again, then Wyatt, outside the vehicle again, was caught on the camera walking towards the edge of the overlook, illuminated by the headlights, and it looked like he was throwing something. He got back in the vehicle and let out a deep, deep sigh, turned the camera back around before running his hands through his hair before setting the next destination on his GPS] 40 miles to the next town. Okay [putting on his cowboy-style hat, Wyatt turned the key in the ignition. The vehicle rumbled to life, and he pulled out of the rest stop overlook area as the radio filled the silence. Wyatt turned the volume up as the terrain blurred by the windows and the glare of the occasional on-coming vehicle eclipsed his sight, making him squint rose-colored eyes and his voice joined the radio.] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsKxXnAoSDo[As the chorus began again he let himself drum on the steering wheel and bob his head a bit as he got into his solo-concert. The miles were spent like this, signing to the radio, until finally they ran out and Wyatt was parked in front of yet another hotel. He then turned the camera off.] [End Video] ---------------------------- Quote: [More radio singing videos, rants, and then finally Vlogs about him getting work at the ranch, and vlogs about the ranch and everything. It seems like he is really starting to shine for real, and it's actually quite endearing. Then silence. Then someone posts a link to an article about the Accident with the horse and being hospitalized and yadda yadda. Wyatt posts nothing anymore.] ---------------------------- Sustainable Homeworld Life Count: 5
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Posted: Sat May 30, 2020 6:25 pm
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Posted: Sat May 30, 2020 7:05 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2020 8:36 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2020 8:44 pm
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2020 9:01 am
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Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:01 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2021 9:05 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2021 4:32 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 1:18 pm
META - Behind Sealed Doors - https://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=25528353Putting this excerpt here becaue it establishes/describes important developments in Hawara's character/life: Quote: Hawara listened and considered.
His entire life Hawara had been steeped so heavily in cynicism that trying to look on the bright side didn't come easily. He was always waiting for that other shoe to drop, always bracing himself for things to get worse. He wasn't allowed nice things like hope and optimism. Until he'd come back to Destiny City and met Lukas - Mocona - and found his community.
Before then, after his now-ex-husband left him with just that single text message, when Wyatt left Destiny City, all he had left to him was his Wonder. Even as he traveled the states, no destination in mind, he had still taken time to go there. The more he went the more it felt like home - familiar and comforting.
He'd discovered a lot about it in bits and pieces, but mostly about himself. When he discovered the lockbox 'library' and gone through his first lockbox trial, he had faced a confusing jumble of things about himself buried deep within his fractured psyche. He had come out of it though with some clarity and felt lighter. His Wonder had even seemed to become a bit more...rejuvenated?
Every other visit he would do another lockbox trial - it had become a type of immersive therapy for him, and both himself and his wonder seemed to benefit - the later of which probably because of the sheer amount of time these trials would take. There was, after all, a lot he had going on mentally, emotionally. This symbiosis no matter the cause was not lost on him. Hawara could appreciate how as he worked through his own issues he could see his Wonder around him start to 'heal' as well.
And the place had come to mean a lot to him.
He had thought that if these trials had helped him make sense of everything he had going on, that maybe he could help others who were struggling - maybe they were having a crisis of morality, maybe they didn't know if what they were fighting for was a cause true to their heart, maybe.... Maybe he could help those in the clutches of Chaos and were questioning if it was right or not.
Hawara could not make that decision for them - he would not - but he thought maybe he could help them come to that conclusion for themself. If they came out of it ready to cast off their cloak of Chaos, then he'd direct them to someone who could help them. If not? If Chaos was truly in them so deep that they had made peace with whatever doubts they'd had before? Fine. Because he knew the cost of switching sides. He knew the damage it could do, and Cosmos forbid it happen again...and again... How much back and forth could a starseed take? If they were going to make such a decision, he wanted them to be sure.
There was a pain when he thought of how many lives would never be again, because they were literally destroyed by Chaos. He wanted to protect them. All of them. Because maybe in the next life they would be free from Chaos, and whatever misdeeds they'd done wiped clean. He wanted to protect those of Order so that even if they fell in battle they too would get another chance. And the Unawoken or completely normal citizens - they deserved that too. Everyone deserved a future, so while everyone fought to make that future a better one he wanted to ensure that they got to see it.
And that was when he realized that he wanted to be of some help, some guidance to others, if he could. Him of all people - someone who in the past, whether he remembered it or not, had been so selfish, so manipulative and vile... It had taken so much work, so much loss, and self reflection, breaking himself down and trying to put himself together again...but he had come through it a better person.
When he had returned to Destiny City physically broken but healing, just as he had begun to emotionally heal, just as his Wonder was healing too, he had begun to set a foundation from which he could build a reason to fight. A spark of hope for something had lit in him. He had things he wanted to achieve, and he would give it his best. He knew there would be failures along the way, setbacks, and there had been. However, he was a planner. A schemer, some would say, but someone who was always trying to think one step ahead, if not two. Setbacks were easier to recover from when you had a plan B or C in your back pocket.
So that was why he worried so much about what these Aliens professed they wanted to do. Why he worried about the ramifications of eliminating Metallia. If the Code didn't caution against an attempt to get rid of Metallia, then okay. He could maybe breathe a little easier and maybe allow himself to consider the positives of such a thing. Hawara wasn't going to try stopping the Valencians from their plan. He wouldn't exactly be leaping to lend a hand, but he wasn't planning on getting in the way either. What would happen would happen and he would do what he could in the aftermath. When the dust settled.
And the Code was, of course, right - they didn't have many allies. So while he didn't have much faith in the promises of these aliens, he wasn't going to be making an enemy of them without due reason. He take his cynicism along with this new spark of hope he had found, and somehow try to balance them. He was still afraid of what unknown sources of Chaos were out there - and deep down he knew there were others - after all, better the demon you know than the one you don't, but if the Code was supporting the destruction of Metallia, and they somehow succeeded, then they'd just find a way to deal with that one too. Right? Even if they became that Chaos. Even if something darker swooped in and took her place. It didn't change his goal - protect everyone so that they had a chance at whatever future they paved.
"I guess we will just see what happens, then. 'Hope for the best, prepare for the worst,' right? I never planned on getting in their way, and I've got my own goals - I hear my past self locked away a pair of shoes and I'm kind of looking forward to unlocking them before the weather gets much cooler, so~"
Hawara finished with a bit of a shrug. It was very much in is character to vocalize a more humorous and half-hearted sentiment than what he really had going on inside. he was sure the Code could see right through him though. Behind his eyes there was still something terribly wary and serious as he ran through a long and complicated game of 'worst case scenario' and tried to make a plan. Sustainable Homeworld Life Count: 18
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Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2021 8:11 pm
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