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He shouldn’t have felt conflicted. He didn’t have the right to feel the way he did as he looked at the twins sleeping on Elzo’s bed. His children on paper. His brother and sister in reality. Marlo’s cousins.
A glimpse to what he and Jada could have had, if only he’d been less a monster, less broken and- no. No no no. He was supposed to do that, think himself like that. He’d been sick. He was sick and he’d gotten treatment and he was better. Cured wasn’t what would happen. One couldn’t be cured of pain, of memories and feelings, of thinking. Only learn and heal. He was healing. Jada had moved on. He had moved on. He was.. dating? Sana. They worked well together. He was happy.

So why when he looked at those faces, deep asleep did he feel a pang in his heart? He knew just why.
Even after so long, even knowing they had been so dysfunctional, he still loved her. A part of him always would. He had gems on his world to remind him every single time he visited that damn rock. He loved her then, he loved her now. The vision of the future they’d shared. Of knowing that it could end like that. That they could have had it all.

Aiden was frowning in his sleep, tiny hands curling into fists and tangling with cotton sheets. The light that poured into the room was from the city below, a soft glittering yellow. Marlo went in, bare feet on cool wood floor, he ran his hand over the boy’s forehead. The child, his cousin, his nephew to all the world. He stirred briefly, fussing then calmed, his breath evening out.
Soft whispers in Italian. An apology that he’d not be able to do more for them. That he couldn’t do more for their mother, their sister.

A soft kiss to foreheads, they slept soundly in the bed of their brother-father. How many years would they grow up, not knowing? How many years thinking their world was so simple and free? How long could they chase away the monster in their blood?
How long before someone would breakdown. How long until the nightmare of Giovanni would cease?

He left the twins to sleep, smiling when Gulia clutched the stuffed seal tighter. Innocent and pure- worth protecting. Marlo did see Elzo in hallway, his brother and cousin looking at him and knowing in ways that did not need words to understand that this was his pain. Marlo’s pain was born of loving too much, too intensely. The curse of the Xanis men. To love so much they broke and shattered like glass. What was left over would either be mended or lay broken until all that was left was nothing but pain.

Marlo went back to his room and from a side drawer, he pulled a small photo album. Pictures of his youth with Elzo. None with his father. None with Giovanni. The last picture with maria when he was 5.

No smiles. Half light in his eyes. Then as he turned the page, there she was looking back at him. Bright and wild, lilac eyes laughing to a camera. And he- a smile was a smile, however small.

The phone in his hand, he shouldn’t. It was over between them. Still her number was a haunting melodic string of chimes. The ringing an agonizing wait. The fifth ring and he hung up.

He was still sick. Still ill. She had healed, moved on. So why, why even as he had a woman who smiled with him, who made him laugh, who made him happy-
Why couldn’t he ever let go of what could have been?

Marlo laid back on his bed, his heart thundering in his chest as hot angry tears threated the corners of his vision.
Still the monster.

Only now, he’d hurt two whom he loved, not just one.

There was something nice about holding the person you loved. It was a warm bubbling in you, not any particular place like your chest but an entire all body experience, a soft sort of glow that just filled you up and comforted you. As Marlo held Jada in his arms, swaying softly back and forth to the melody of blues music playing from the little smart radio, he felt that warm glow filling him up. An arm around her, she pressed herself back into him, fitting against him with a soft pressure and lean. Her own arm covered his own, fingers lacing. She hummed along with the music, a smile on her face while she held up the recipe, likely reading it to make sure they were following it correctly.

Cookies for the twins and Hope- something to cheer them up after the rather lackluster week. Between Elzo being more and more busy with work and his newborns, and Marlo having to work overtime with the vacation season coming, family time had become a bit short as of late. The cookies, coupled with a movie night seemed just the thing for the kids.
“You know, we should be making these with them.” Her voice broke him out of his thoughts, blue eyes looking down into purple.
“Maybe.” He said, bending to kiss the top of her head. “But, this is nice. Baking without their bluster and loudness.” She hummed, continuing her sway and gentle rocking. He lifted the spice, asked if she though the touch of cinnamon would be good. She mixed, fingers laced in his, a smile on her face he hadn’t seen in a while.

The smile she had back when they had been young, in love. Back when it was just them, happy, even if fleetingly.

“You know I love you right?”

The words left him without provocation, and he felt her tense, the gentle sway stopping and her soft hum absent from the music. A moment, frozen in time she tilted her head back to look at him, uncertain. He never voiced his feelings, not outright. Yet there he was, holding her in the kitchen, making cookies, and confessing his love like it was something he did everyday.

She answered him with a shy smile, pink blush covering her cheeks as she stood on her toes, brushing her lips to his.
She didn’t answer him with words, reversing their usual dynamic. Yet Marlo continues on, feeling that warm glow in him, that soft comfort of something he never knew he wanted or needed yet found himself with anyway. “You make me happy.” His fingers gave a soft but firm squeeze to her midsection and a tiny breath left Jada.
“You’ve always managed to make me happy.” He buried his face into black curls, smiling, despite the uncertainty of their future.
“I love you.”

Jada smiled, relaxing further into him, her hand squeezing his own in reply as the other mixed the cookie dough.
“I know.” She said, feeling warm suffuse her entire body.
“I love you too.”

There was something nice about holding the person you loved.