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 Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2016 7:57 am
T A B L E . O F . C O N T E N T S
Sins & Virtues CYOA
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2016 8:09 am
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Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2016 12:44 pm
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Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2016 12:45 pm
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Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:05 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 1:45 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 12:54 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2016 10:25 am
The Dead
Ziel stretched her neck a bit as she watched all her cousins around her. She was the only one still awake at this time of night. Sleep didn’t come easily to the Hybrid; it was always something she felt she had a love hate relationship with. Her earliest memories were of nightmares she was plague with and she’d long learnt not to bother her mother with them. She didn’t want her mother or father to worry about her and she vowed never to speak about them to anyone. One incident had been enough for her to learn such a harsh lesson.
Settling back down, Ziel took a deep breath. She was older now; her dreams and nightmares were much easier to control. She closed her eyes slowly, but as soon as they were fully closed she was gone. Sleep grabbed her immediately and dragged her down. It was like being dragged under the sea sometimes, but Ziel knew not to panic it was temporary. Once she was dragged to where she ought to be, she would stabilize. So she practiced her breathing, practiced having an inner calmness and that always helped her. Soon enough she felt it all begin to slow down.
Slowly she opened her eyes, found herself in a foreign place she had never seen before as she usually did when she sleep walked. There was a Shifter smiling and next to her a Matori. She recognized the Matori, she’d seen her multiple times in her dreams and nightmares. She was her shaman guide.
“There you are,” the water Earthling said getting up and going over to Ziel’s side. “This is her,” she pushed Ziel forward a little. The hybrid tripped a little.
“What’s your name?” the shifter asked, tilting her head as she observed Ziel from head to toe.
“Ziel…” she glanced at Kahuna. “Who is she?”
“Look at me… Are you a boy or a girl?” The shifter stood up now and came closer, gripping Ziel’s jaw in her hands and moving it around. Ziel slapped her hand away and stepped back.
“This is Seidr, she’ll be your guide from now on. You’re not in Matori anymore and my powers wane here. Soon you’ll be coming of age and you need someone to watch over you.” Kahuna nodded sullenly. “Tis not my choice.”
Ziel made a face.
“I am nothing,” Ziel finally answered, crossing her arms.
“Nothing?” Seidr said with a chuckle. “We’ll you’re a special kind of,” she waved her hand at her. “Whatever you are, never seen one of you before.” The Shifter turned to Kahuna. “This is the first hybrid isn’t it? Has she made the pact yet?”
“No she has not,” Kahuna went and sat down. “I haven’t pressed her.”
“Well, this is just dandy isn’t it.” Seidr sighed heavily.
“I have not made the decision to become a full fledge shaman yet,” Ziel finally spoke up.
“Why not?” Seidr said looking at her incredulous.
“My reasons are my own.” Ziel shrugged. She didn’t feel like she needed to explain herself to this woman. She felt like she had a choice, but deep down she was in denial. When the dreams had first begun, she knew she had willingly accepted to follow through. That was when she had met Kahuna and the Matorian had been quite surprised to see her.
“Alright then little miss fussy pants,” Seidr said before turning to Kahuna. “I hope you’ve said your goodbyes, I’m about to revoke your entry here.”
Kahuna nodded before getting up, she gave Ziel a brief smile before leaving. Ziel watched her walk away from their location and felt the loss greatly. Kahuna had been with her for many many years and while she had been happy that Ziel was getting out in the world, even called it necessary, it was a hard separation. Ziel had promised her that she would return and she planned on keeping that promise. For now though, Seidr was her new mentor who was supposed to guide her through everything. Her Shifter half. Ziel knew she had to learn some way or another.
“Alright then, do you know your Shifter religion?” Seidr said, leaning on her stick.
“Yes, Serin is the goddess of the moon. Her appearance is what shifts the color of our skin.” Ziel nodded, her mother had told her about this stuff already.
“Does your skin shift?” Seidr’s eyes narrowed.
“Yes it does,” Ziel made a face, she hated being interrupted. “The Matori also believe in multiple gods so it all works out. In my head at least.” She knew Shifters weren’t strict by any means but she always used the Shifter name for the goddess of the moon.
“Good good. Now come walk with me there is much to discuss.” Seidri began her slow walk away from where ever this was was.
Seidr finally settled down into an easy talk with Ziel, though Ziel had felt some strong negative emotions from the other shaman now she felt none. She was just as Kahuna had been a guide that helped and guided her through this section of her life. Mostly, Seidr spoke a lot about her decision to truly become and take on the role of a shaman. It was as if Kahuna had spent her life preparing Ziel for a moment and not Seidr as explaining the rules before it happened. The Hybrid listened, learned, but refrained from commenting. She didn’t feel it was necessary.
“Kahuna was telling me you’ve never gone in the down under?”
“I have not,” Ziel said shaking her head. Kahuna had warned her. The dead must stay dead and to never travel to the dark places of the down under. One did not return normal after such an event.
“Good, not a place you want to return to twice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Kahuna never told you but, you drowned as a child. There was a shaman nearby and they were thankfully able to bring you back but not just by the healer way. The shaman had to guide you back as well; the child in you did not want to return.” Seidr shook her head. “It happens a lot, especially with young children. They are the hardest to return to life.”
Ziel stayed quiet, Kahuna had not told her such a tale and she didn’t know how she felt about it. She certainly didn’t remember such a thing happening.
“In any case, Kahuna had to help her bring you back. That is why you don’t feel perhaps… All of yourself when you are not all there in your dreams. A little part of you is still down below.” Seidr turned towards Ziel.
“I only tell you to warn you, if you ever return down under for whatever reason; those there are not friendly. Nightmares are born from that place child. They will try and trick you; they will dangle that of which you seek in front of you only to take it away. Never go there. Understood?” Seidr continued her walk.
“Yes I understand.”
Ziel could not shake the idea off however, what was she missing? What had been left within the deep depths of the down under? She could not know, maybe did not want to know… Or maybe she did want to know.
“The sun begins to rise, you know your way back right?” Seidr said.
“Yes,” Ziel, nodded her head. It was the first thing Kahuna had taught her. Trust your instincts, the body knows how to get back home.
“Good, off you go. I will see you tomorrow night.”
Ziel opened her eyes, the sun just breaking through and her little cousins just beginning to awaken. Even though she knew she had slept, her body felt rested but her mind was tired. That nagging feeling was still within her, what was she missing? Why hadn’t her mother ever told her that she had drowned as a child?
Standing up, Ziel moved with everyone in the household for breakfast but she was not really there. People spoke to her but she was gone, thinking, thinking, always thinking. She could feel her mother’s worried gaze on her but she ignored it. Why Kahuna or Alassiel hadn’t told her were irrelevant to the story here, if she decided to become a shaman she could go and seek…
No… A voice whispered.
Perhaps not know, but when she was stronger, maybe she could go and seek what it was she was missing. There would be no trouble then right?
“I’m going to become a shaman.” Ziel pipped up in the middle of breakfast and silencing those around her. “Shaman seems like a good path for me.” With her announcement done, she returned to her food and ignored all the eyes on her. The decision had been made, she would tell Seidr tonight and her initiation would begin. Now all that was left was to finish her education with Seidr and then perhaps she would find another shaman from another tribe to teach her.
From the corner of her eye Ziel could have sworn she’s seen Kahuna staring at her with sad eyes and Ziel was sure it had been her mind playing tricks on her.
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2016 12:20 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 5:57 pm
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:38 pm
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=25074075
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Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2017 3:14 pm
You be You
Quote: Ziel tries to conform to what others see in her, a girl but find that she doesn’t like what she sees. She finds that she doesn’t really feel like she fits in as either a woman or a man. She also tries actually making a connecting with another person, but find that she just isn’t attracted to people in that sense. In the end she sheds all expectations of her to just be her.
“Will you stay still? We need to get you looking pretty!”
Ziel made a face, looking more and more depressed by the second as three girls tried to wrangle her hair into “something decent looking”. The waves had been hard enough to remove; they’d had to use heated combs to get through the tangles. Ziel knew how to handle her own hair; she didn’t need other people to do it for her! But nooo, her friends had taken one good look and told her she would never be able to find a suitable mate looking like that and dressing the way she did.
The Hybid really didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. She didn’t think of people in terms of pretty and not pretty. She either liked or didn’t like someone. He, shes, its, it really didn’t matter to her. She didn’t know why other people put such great importance on what they looked like. Did it really matter in the end? Ziel certainly didn’t think so but apparently she was the only one out of her friends who thought that way. They also found it interesting that she liked both boys and girls, but some had also just called her indecisive.
But what did they know? She didn’t judge them and she didn’t think they ought to judge her either.
“So what do you think?” Two of the girls stepped back with hopeful smiles on their face. Whatever they’d done it made her look even more like a girl. Perhaps even one of those fancy noble Obans she’d seen once. Another girl had put makeup on her face, enhancing the places that would make her look feminine. Ziel had never looked truly like girl and never truly like a boy but with this make up on she was most definitely in woman territory.
They’d even put her in a tight dress that accented the right places, albeit Ziel had very few places to accentuate this helped give her a feminine look. The look Ziel looked at herself the more she… Well she didn’t like it. She didn’t like this fake persona they seemed to be throwing at her.
“I, I don’t know. Your skills are very good I look… I look just like a girl.”
“Well that’s the point silly. You are a girl!” They all chuckled and dragged her away from the mirror. Yet still Ziel could not wiped that image of herself from her memory. This was not who Ziel was, she didn’t even think she was a She… or a He for that matter. She didn’t like being gender bound but right now she was certainly reflecting back what those around her thought of her. Maybe she was more of a chameleon, a thing that fit into the mold that others pushed her into.
Ziel liked that idea better. She wanted to be able to blend, fold, and fit to whatever image people wanted to project onto her. Fit into all and yet fit with none.
The party they were taking her to was a large one mainly compromised of other Matori. Somehow her friends had hidden the white ends of her hair and she looked practically like she fit in with all of them except for her skin and eye color. Still, it was a nice change for one to fit in so closely to the crowd. It was different and Ziel didn’t necessarily like or hate it but she was a bit cautious. The part of the beach for the party was packed; Ziel could practically feel the energy in the air.
“Hey,”
Turning, Ziel came face to face with a Matori guy. He held out a drink to her and she took it from him but did not drink.
“Are you new around here?”
“I usually don’t go to parties very much.” A quick glance around told her that her friends had left her for men on their own.
“You look good though for a hybrid. I’m used to seeing Oban hybrids but Shifter is nice too.” Ziel tried to smile but she felt awkward, his comment felt awkward too. She didn’t like the attention.
“So are you here with anyone?” He said while getting closer to her. She got that awkward feeling again. No she did not like this guy. Not one bit.
“I’m here with some friends.” Ziel looked at her friends again who were making motions to urge her to stay with the guy.
Still the hybrid didn’t feel comfortable at all but she stuck it out. Making small talk with him and even trying to dance. He was always getting in close to her and she always repelled him. She got rid of all the drinks he brought her without him noticing but really wasn’t attracted to him at all. In fact, this whole party thing didn’t seem attractive to her. Everyone was all touchy feely in a way she wasn’t at all comfortable with and she didn’t know what this guy expected of her. Maybe trying to fit in with everyone wasn’t really the right thing for her.
And then it came, while they were sitting he leaned in and tried to kiss her. And honestly, Ziel let him because she’d never kissed anyone before and she really wanted to know what it felt like. Except, she didn’t feel anything. Ziel pushed him back a little and chuckled.
“This isn’t working,” she finally said before standing up. “I don’t like you and I don’t really like anyone here.”
And then Ziel walked away, down the beach and away from the noise. It was night time now and the rest of the beach was empty. This wasn’t who she was, she wasn’t this person and she certainly wasn’t attracted to anyone. Ziel stopped and turned towards the water, they slowly began to undo their hair and rubbing the makeup off of their face. Then they stripped and jumped into the water, it was cool, it washed off everything that they felt they were not.
Ziel didn’t ever want to hold up to anyone standards; they just wanted to be Ziel. Not a girl, not a boy. Just Ziel.
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