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- | Submitted on 04/22/2010 |
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- Title: America the Beautiful (Ch. 1)
- Artist: this username is invalid
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Description:
It's about Victoria, a beautiful, wealthy, English girl who's uncle has promised to take her to America with him. America almost swallows Victoria whole and she needs to keep her head for her Prince Charming back home, Edmund. When an unexpected event occurs, what is the barrier between destiny and true love?
Comments and constructive criticism. I posted chapter two. Each chapter is pretty short. Thanks! - Date: 04/22/2010
- Tags: america love life happiness destiny
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Comments (3 Comments)
- master of ze marshmallow - 07/20/2010
- Wow. I love it. Write more!
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- bram toker - 06/03/2010
- Very good! Your writing is clear and concise, you've established a strong plotline, and I can tell you're dedicated to the story. However, there was a lot of dialogue. It's okay to have big chunks of pure one-on-one dialogue--but only if you have to. You did it several times in this one chapter. Another thing you can do to make this even better is to develop your characters more and really flesh out their personalities.
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- this username is invalid - 04/22/2010
- Actually, rephrase that. This chapter is PRETTY LONG.
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