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I'm not listening to any sad music, and I'm not truly grieving, but I am sad, for I have lost something close to me.

It wasn't something I was afraid to lose, it was something I was afraid I never had to begin with..which ended up being the case.

10 years is a long time to spend with someone, and as narcissistic as I am, and as much as I want to believe she actually does love me and just doesn't realize it, real life doesn't actually work that way, and I'm very quickly getting over myself (& her as well)

I think I did the right thing by terminating our relationship, because she has openly admitted to not loving me, and she doesn't know if she ever did, which hurt, as you'd expect, but it was the truth.

I feel like she pities me, almost, with how nice she's been, but I know that she's just a kind person. She wants to help, she wants to be there and be loving, etc., but it stings every time she acts like a lover, and then says "I'm just a friend". That could be my ego as well, or maybe the fact that I've lived with her for so long that hearing I'm anything other than a lover is jarring, it is the course, sandpapery skin of reality and my feelings are slowly brushing against it.

So let it be known, 11/24/2016, our relationship had been over for a few days. November is always terrible, and I hate it the most out of every month in the year, doubly so since the fall is my favorite season, marred by the blemish of November.

I'll be okay, and my life will be fine. I have to figure things out for myself. My future in uncertain, except for the fact that I know I will go it alone. I know there is no one left for me in this world, and that is fine, I have willingly embraced that fate.

Everyone I had considered a friend decided to turn on me, with Harmony and her stupid suicidal bullshit. I just don't care anymore. I really don't. She's no longer what I'd call a close friend, she is someone I have known for a long time, that I will rarely talk to, because they are too unstable to keep close. Someone who only cares about their own tiny little bubble and says to hell with the rest of you, your feelings be damned.

I didn't want to waste any effort writing about her, but I thought it was important to leave a footnote on this journal entry, as a reminder of how pathetic and disgusting she is.