Is this platonic love [p2]
When I went to this summer camp, I slept in this room that was somewhat small, and I slept with at least 200 people [it's crazy] To my left was my friend, and to my right was this stranger, I was too
Embarrassed to introduce myself, I end up not talking to him for about 4 days. On the fifth day I was sick of feeling shy, I felt sorry for him because I was being such a jerk for ignoring him. I tapped his shoulder, I said hi and introduce myself, my voice was a bit shaky but I think I should sound normal. I asked his name and his name was Fook.
I was scared because he look like a “thug” or something like a person who isn’t friendly. But he was very good looking, obviously he was very charming. After I asked his name [which was at bed time] I just said good night and went to sleep. I felt a relief. The next day, when I was wearing my socks, I talked with him a little, I was shocked when I heard his voice, such a strong face, but his voice, his voice is so soft, it’s so calm and you get this feeling of warmth directly from him, his voice gave me the feeling of soft love. I wasn’t a good talker, but he was always smiling when he talked to me, his gentle personally really hypnotized me.
I felt like I had to kill myself, as a “friend” how did I end up in such a dirty imagination. But I really have this feeling, this feeling of something blocking me, like I’m wrapped in someone’s arm, the feeling like the sun raising on the nice cold winter morning. That arm was the raising sun and I’m the cold winter. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, every time I saw him my heart gets excited.
I want to talk to him and looks very lonely [he was also a bad talker] I can’t talk to him but just seeing his face makes me feel all better. When I sleep, I always peek to watch him sleep, it helps me stop crying from being homesick when I’m at summer camp. Unlike every other people who are such cliché, he was fun to be with but rather “hard” to be with.
I want him to know how much I cherish him, but I don’t know what he’s thinking about me and how much this friend ship can stay. I want to stay that way, but I also want to go a bit farther. When he sees me the first thing he’ll do is smile, not exactly a smile but rather a grin, in times when I’m sad, his smile instantly brightens the day a bit, he looks too innocent, such a strong face, but confused innocent pure behavior of his only makes me blush.
Everyday he would sleep half naked with only his boxers on, I was confused so I asked him and he told me he was hot. Every time I look at his body he looked pretty strong, his body shape looks like mine so nothing different, he’s just shorter then me and twice as muscular then me, I had to say that he isn’t nowhere near sexy but he’s just so damn innocently cute. To the day I left camp, I waited to talk to him for one last time. I was going to say goodbye, but then I end up just wave – ing my hand saying goodbye, when I was with him I always have things I wanted to talk about, but in the end I always end up just sitting near him pretending to be asleep.
I didn’t show my love because I couldn’t and I lack too little self esteem to show how precious he is to me. He is the first person I’ve loved and cherish romantically so much about , something more better then friends. Maybe this is what they call “Platonic love” It indescribable unless you feel for it yourself. But it's sad that because of my limitation in emotional feelings, the feeling of being loved went away.
I guess I won’t see him again. I might see him next year, but I probably forgot his name, and even if I met him, I would mess up because I’m such a bad talker. I want to cry. I feel like he’s never going to come back, a huge huge world we live in . . . I feel like I’m never going to find anyone like him, I guess it’s back to lame old school , filled with maggots. Same people wanting to get popular, people who are in some sort of category. One day, I want to build enough self esteem, maybe, just maybe if I’m more confident, I might find more people like him. But really . . . All I think about is Fook, I don’t want to meet anymore new people..
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