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Random Doodling


Foremoster
Community Member
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It's been so long since the last time I logged into this account. Let's just say that I haven't changed much at all. I'm still full of anxiety, still shy as ever, and things might have even got a lot worse than when I was in high school. I'm living alone in an apartment, attending college, 3rd year now. Trying to tell what happen over the past few years would take a long time. Let's just start with the first year.

I still remember, the first day living alone, far away from home, a brand new area to move around. I was scared and lonely, I was scared to go outside, I was alone. I remembered crying myself to sleep at night as I look at the blue curtains. I remembered, I had to go outside because I was hungry. After a few repetition, I slowly desensitized myself to the new environment. After a few trimester, I become familiar with the surroundings and started to feel like it was my new home. I started to explore the areas around it.

The first year was full of life and hope. New upper classmate introducing themselves to me, treating me like loyalty. Doing anything they could to make me feel comfortable in the new campus. The more I think about it, the sad I get, because I didn't do the same when I was in second year, and now I'm in the third year, some of them even graduate from college already. There is absolutely no way to pay back for the debt for all the good things that my upper classmate did for me.

That's the thing. I feel guilty when people do nice things for me, and I don't return the favor. Like how my parents raised me with love and care, how they always get the most expensive things for me, because they want what is best for me. Everyone treat me in their best ways, but I can't do the same for them.

I feel like, by the time I'm capable of returning the favor, it would be long lost forgotten, that it would all be already too late. Then again I'm not even sure if I'll ever be capable to return the favor at this present state. crying




 
 
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