PTSD Support Thread

[SinfulGuillotine]

Lil Enslaved Kitten

SinfulGuillotine

I've exhibited symptoms of PTSD on and off throughout my life. These days more off than on, though random things still sometimes set me off. PTSD never really occurred to me until my psychiatrist told me he thought it might be the culprit for some of my..."issues."

Things that have been known to set me off include:
-Large windows
-Being in the middle of a crowd of people
-Being physically restrained during sex (used to happen all the time, though it hasn't happened in a while)
-Dissociating emotionally during sex (still not sure if PTSD is to blame for that or if it's just how I am)
-Yelling (again, used to happen frequently, not so much anymore)
-Rarely, seemingly nothing at all

I see a psychiatrist twice a month and am on some medications for anxiety, which has helped. Also, just time and general support and understanding from those close to me has done wonders in terms of me being a generally functional human being. It's nice to be at a point where I have more good days than bad.

welcome aboard and glad to hear you are doing better smile emotional dissociating is a common sign of PTSD but i have meet a few people over the years who are the same way in sex but they tend to keep FWBs around so that might be why sorry trying to get a smile out of ya smile

Thanks. smile

I know that dissociation can be a symptom of PTSD, but I've also just never really found sex to be emotionally intimate. I can, and do, connect emotionally with people, both romantically and otherwise, and I very much enjoy sex, it's just never been this ZOMG SO EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL AND RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS OH MY to me. I just sort of shut off emotionally. Honestly, I feel like it actually makes my life easier in a lot of ways. I hear other people talk about how they experience sex emotionally, and sometimes I feel like I'm sort of missing out on something, but mostly I just feel like I've managed to dodge a lot of potentially painful and confusing bullshit.

[Barney The DinoPimp]

I have border-line PSTD because of an incident when I was a child. My PSTD may not be as bad as many of yours, but it's nice to see some sort of support thread for this smile

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

SinfulGuillotine

Lil Enslaved Kitten

SinfulGuillotine

I've exhibited symptoms of PTSD on and off throughout my life. These days more off than on, though random things still sometimes set me off. PTSD never really occurred to me until my psychiatrist told me he thought it might be the culprit for some of my..."issues."

Things that have been known to set me off include:
-Large windows
-Being in the middle of a crowd of people
-Being physically restrained during sex (used to happen all the time, though it hasn't happened in a while)
-Dissociating emotionally during sex (still not sure if PTSD is to blame for that or if it's just how I am)
-Yelling (again, used to happen frequently, not so much anymore)
-Rarely, seemingly nothing at all

I see a psychiatrist twice a month and am on some medications for anxiety, which has helped. Also, just time and general support and understanding from those close to me has done wonders in terms of me being a generally functional human being. It's nice to be at a point where I have more good days than bad.

welcome aboard and glad to hear you are doing better smile emotional dissociating is a common sign of PTSD but i have meet a few people over the years who are the same way in sex but they tend to keep FWBs around so that might be why sorry trying to get a smile out of ya smile

Thanks. smile

I know that dissociation can be a symptom of PTSD, but I've also just never really found sex to be emotionally intimate. I can, and do, connect emotionally with people, both romantically and otherwise, and I very much enjoy sex, it's just never been this ZOMG SO EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL AND RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS OH MY to me. I just sort of shut off emotionally. Honestly, I feel like it actually makes my life easier in a lot of ways. I hear other people talk about how they experience sex emotionally, and sometimes I feel like I'm sort of missing out on something, but mostly I just feel like I've managed to dodge a lot of potentially painful and confusing bullshit.

i do see how that could be really helpful during sex

[HomebrewFox]

I have various traumas for various things that happened. No I don't feel like getting into what happened to me right now. First started having the flashbacks 3 years ago. It seemed to go away for a while, or maybe it didn't I'm really not sure. I didn't have actual flashback episodes for 2 years, still the stress and remembering the past and that putting me into panic attacks. The flashback episodes started coming back recently, I'm currently seeking out therapy to help me deal with it. I'm very good at dealing with stress, having it almost my entire life to an abnormal degree.

Since I have like 4 different events that I get flashbacks from, one that is still kind of ongoing abuse type thing, sometimes my episodes flashback to the events mixing together. Like I'd start living one event, then it would turn into another event, or have a similar result as another one. My brain likes changing the details sometimes or give different endings or things that could have happened, especially for the ones that happened repetitively. Sometimes it would turn into an entire hallucination where I can't see in front of me at all and I am back there, I can smell the place I was, I can see it, I can hear it, my clothes feel like what I wore that day.

Before I'll start becoming more sensitive to the smaller triggers. Like I have very specific triggers, but the closer I am to episodes the more triggers actually affect me. Noises become extremely loud, the phone ringing would be unbearable, dishes being put away would make me shake and tremble covering my ears. I have multiple pairs of earplugs just because of this, I have them with me wherever I go. It's a lot different than a panic attack. I've had panic attacks before, they don't feel the same. A panic attack I can recognize and prevent an hour before it happens, the signs of going into an episode seem to start happening 10-20 minutes as far as I'm able to notice. Sometimes I can just "hold it in" when people are around, then completely breakdown by myself. Sometimes I completely break down and start staring blankly into space in front of people.

I'm very good at recognizing when I'm hallucinating and what's actually real. In the middle of the worst ones I can still tell myself "this isn't happening." Sometimes it's just so bad I have to constantly remind myself what's real and what isn't, reality checks. I do lucid dreaming so I'm used to doing reality checks all the time, real life, dreaming, hallucinating, flashbacks, et cetera. Besides finding logic flaws, like "There wasn't so and so object when this happened" one ongoing incident of mine there were no computers or phones so when I'm reliving that one that's a good reality check. I'll just scroll through my texts blankly just to prove that this is reality and that's over there. Another one I do is the hand check. You can't see fine details in your hand in something that's not real.

I dunno why I'm writing this, I lurk in the thread a lot, might as well make my little post thing. That one reference on the first page by OP, I did wind up buying the book "I Can't Get Over It" off Amazon. I guess I can tell you guys if it's good or not once I get through it. umm I don't reply to quotes, but you can PM me, I'll probably be checking the thread either way if you do quote me.

[Lil Enslaved Kitten]

Wolftrot

I have various traumas for various things that happened. No I don't feel like getting into what happened to me right now. First started having the flashbacks 3 years ago. It seemed to go away for a while, or maybe it didn't I'm really not sure. I didn't have actual flashback episodes for 2 years, still the stress and remembering the past and that putting me into panic attacks. The flashback episodes started coming back recently, I'm currently seeking out therapy to help me deal with it. I'm very good at dealing with stress, having it almost my entire life to an abnormal degree.

Since I have like 4 different events that I get flashbacks from, one that is still kind of ongoing abuse type thing, sometimes my episodes flashback to the events mixing together. Like I'd start living one event, then it would turn into another event, or have a similar result as another one. My brain likes changing the details sometimes or give different endings or things that could have happened, especially for the ones that happened repetitively. Sometimes it would turn into an entire hallucination where I can't see in front of me at all and I am back there, I can smell the place I was, I can see it, I can hear it, my clothes feel like what I wore that day.

Before I'll start becoming more sensitive to the smaller triggers. Like I have very specific triggers, but the closer I am to episodes the more triggers actually affect me. Noises become extremely loud, the phone ringing would be unbearable, dishes being put away would make me shake and tremble covering my ears. I have multiple pairs of earplugs just because of this, I have them with me wherever I go. It's a lot different than a panic attack. I've had panic attacks before, they don't feel the same. A panic attack I can recognize and prevent an hour before it happens, the signs of going into an episode seem to start happening 10-20 minutes as far as I'm able to notice. Sometimes I can just "hold it in" when people are around, then completely breakdown by myself. Sometimes I completely break down and start staring blankly into space in front of people.

I'm very good at recognizing when I'm hallucinating and what's actually real. In the middle of the worst ones I can still tell myself "this isn't happening." Sometimes it's just so bad I have to constantly remind myself what's real and what isn't, reality checks. I do lucid dreaming so I'm used to doing reality checks all the time, real life, dreaming, hallucinating, flashbacks, et cetera. Besides finding logic flaws, like "There wasn't so and so object when this happened" one ongoing incident of mine there were no computers or phones so when I'm reliving that one that's a good reality check. I'll just scroll through my texts blankly just to prove that this is reality and that's over there. Another one I do is the hand check. You can't see fine details in your hand in something that's not real.

I dunno why I'm writing this, I lurk in the thread a lot, might as well make my little post thing. That one reference on the first page by OP, I did wind up buying the book "I Can't Get Over It" off Amazon. I guess I can tell you guys if it's good or not once I get through it. umm I don't reply to quotes, but you can PM me, I'll probably be checking the thread either way if you do quote me.

just in case you do come back by soon welcome and i really hope that just coming in and reading helps you some. i lurked for a while before i ever posted smile i hope things are getting better for you and i'm gonna have to try the reality checks you were talking bout during flashbacks if i can get my body relaxed enough to focus confused

[Princess Sumire]

I have really awful PTSD. I don't talk about it much anymore, but I had a really abusive childhood. Anything you can imagine that you've ever heard of being abuse towards a child happened to me. For 20 years. Day in, day out, I lived in complete all-consuming fear. I was even afraid that blinking too much would set off my abuser's ferocious dog-like "I want to rip off your f*cking face!!!" personality. I can't even tell my psychologist about the depths of what I experienced because she started crying ):

Its been three years since I permanently got out, and I am still so afraid. I'm afraid of everyone. I always think they're going to think the worst of me, that they're going to treat me like I just killed their mom or something and therefore I should be dead. This is because my abusers programmed this thinking into my brain like a robot's microchipping. Its a f*cking horrible way to live. What's even worse is I'm so scared I can hardly leave my house. It takes days for me to get up the courage. And men? I'm so terrified of men, especially large ones because my abuser was large. I'm shaking right now like a little chihuahua thinking about him.

Its natural that people don't understand. They don't understand why I'm dead quiet all the time. This is because if I spoke, if I breathed too loud, my abuser would throw me against the wall, press himself to me and scream so hatefully charged that there would be foam flecking into my eyes. So I don't talk. I am so still for this same reason. I'm abnormally kind to people, because if I wasn't so abnormally kind to my abuser then...well you get the picture. I can't shake these behaviors. I don't want to be like this anymore. I know what I can be, I have the potential. But I just can't.

I'm trying to get a big service dog. I figure, if I have a big dog with me all the time to "protect me" then I wouldn't be as scared and could hopefully learn the world is not as scary as I think it is (its still scary, but like, not everyone is trying to kill me all the time, you know?). Plus, I have some pretty serious physical illnesses, and I need help with heavy groceries and such...doggie could help with that...

[SinfulGuillotine]

Princess Sumire

I can't even tell my psychologist about the depths of what I experienced because she started crying ):

Wow. Get a better psychologist. The whole point of seeing any sort of mental health professional is so that you have someone objective to talk to (as opposed to talking to people emotionally close to you such as friends or family). They're not supposed to start crying when their patient tells them something sad. That's incredibly unprofessional.

Anyway, I'm sorry you had such an awful childhood. Nobody deserves to be abused, but especially not children.

Best of luck with getting a service dog; it sounds like it could potentially be very helpful for you (no idea how difficult they are to get). And seriously, consider looking for a different psychologist. They can't really help you much if you can't talk openly with them.

[grinningjester]

SinfulGuillotine

I know that dissociation can be a symptom of PTSD, but I've also just never really found sex to be emotionally intimate.

Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're sharing with us. Dissociation is very common in PTSD. It's a coping mechanism. It's really hard on the people around us though. But, conversely, it's hard for us folks with dissociation to respond "normally." I put normal in quotes because our normal is not everyone else's normal. I keep trying to tell myself not to expect myself and the way I respond to be like everyone else. I'm different because of my trauma, just like I imagine you are.

Barney The DinoPimp

I have border-line PSTD because of an incident when I was a child. My PSTD may not be as bad as many of yours, but it's nice to see some sort of support thread for this smile

In my opinion, there is no judging whose PTSD is worse, or whose trauma is worse. Trauma is trauma and living with the consequences isn't easy for anyone who's experienced something damaging.

Wolftrot

I have various traumas for various things that happened. No I don't feel like getting into what happened to me right now.

You don't have to.

Wolftrot

First started having the flashbacks 3 years ago. It seemed to go away for a while, or maybe it didn't I'm really not sure. I didn't have actual flashback episodes for 2 years, still the stress and remembering the past and that putting me into panic attacks. The flashback episodes started coming back recently, I'm currently seeking out therapy to help me deal with it. I'm very good at dealing with stress, having it almost my entire life to an abnormal degree.

I dunno why I'm writing this, I lurk in the thread a lot, might as well make my little post thing. That one reference on the first page by OP, I did wind up buying the book "I Can't Get Over It" off Amazon. I guess I can tell you guys if it's good or not once I get through it. umm I don't reply to quotes, but you can PM me, I'll probably be checking the thread either way if you do quote me.

Reality checks are a lifesaver. Most of the time when I flashback, my dog is my reality check. There was no dog leash in my hand that day, no dog fur, no dog licking my hand. He brings me back. When I don't have my dog, doing those reality checks is so hard. Good idea, checking your hand. I'll have to try that. I'm glad to know you were lurking. Gives me hope that there are others lurking that may be helped even if they never say anything at all.

I have the book "I Can't Get Over It!" It was a a good one. Thanks for reminding me about books. I'll add a list to the first page.

Princess Sumire

I'm trying to get a big service dog. I figure, if I have a big dog with me all the time to "protect me" then I wouldn't be as scared and could hopefully learn the world is not as scary as I think it is (its still scary, but like, not everyone is trying to kill me all the time, you know?). Plus, I have some pretty serious physical illnesses, and I need help with heavy groceries and such...doggie could help with that...

A dog is a great help. And PTSD dogs can be trained to get between you and people. My dog alerts me when people are coming up behind me and when I tell him to he stands between me and people I'm talking to. It is a huge relief to have that barrier. I can talk for days about how to get a PTSD dog so if you're interested ask. I'm sorry about your abuse and I'm glad you feel like you can talk here.

....

As for myself, I had a serious PTSD moment today. A transformer blew up in a parking lot at a hardware store and I went into fight position and tried to draw a gun that wasn't there and shoot back. There was no parking lot or hardware store. There was only threat threat threat. I'm still shaky and this was six hours ago.

[SinfulGuillotine]

grinningjester

Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're sharing with us. Dissociation is very common in PTSD. It's a coping mechanism. It's really hard on the people around us though. But, conversely, it's hard for us folks with dissociation to respond "normally." I put normal in quotes because our normal is not everyone else's normal. I keep trying to tell myself not to expect myself and the way I respond to be like everyone else. I'm different because of my trauma, just like I imagine you are.

Thanks.

I know that dissociation is a common symptom of PTSD, it's just...well, I've been like this as long as I've been sexually active. But then, my early sexual activity was pretty...bad, for lack of a better word, and I didn't have a partner that I gave two shits about until I'd been sexually active for about two years, so...it's hard to say. Doesn't really matter at the end of the day. Whatever the cause, it's how I am, and honestly, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not convinced it's entirely a bad thing.

[grinningjester]

SinfulGuillotine

Thanks.

I know that dissociation is a common symptom of PTSD, it's just...well, I've been like this as long as I've been sexually active. But then, my early sexual activity was pretty...bad, for lack of a better word, and I didn't have a partner that I gave two shits about until I'd been sexually active for about two years, so...it's hard to say. Doesn't really matter at the end of the day. Whatever the cause, it's how I am, and honestly, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not convinced it's entirely a bad thing.

Depends on your partner, I'd say. No harm, no foul. You can't help being who you are. I can't change having PTSD and all the fun stuff that goes with it. If my wife can't love me despite it, what's the point?

[SinfulGuillotine]

grinningjester

SinfulGuillotine

Thanks.

I know that dissociation is a common symptom of PTSD, it's just...well, I've been like this as long as I've been sexually active. But then, my early sexual activity was pretty...bad, for lack of a better word, and I didn't have a partner that I gave two shits about until I'd been sexually active for about two years, so...it's hard to say. Doesn't really matter at the end of the day. Whatever the cause, it's how I am, and honestly, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not convinced it's entirely a bad thing.

Depends on your partner, I'd say. No harm, no foul. You can't help being who you are. I can't change having PTSD and all the fun stuff that goes with it. If my wife can't love me despite it, what's the point?

I had a boyfriend who was really bothered by it, but that relationship was doomed for loads of other reasons, so whatever.

Any sort of chronic illness, be it mental or physical, is extremely hard on those close to the afflicted person.

[grinningjester]

SinfulGuillotine

grinningjester

SinfulGuillotine

Thanks.

I know that dissociation is a common symptom of PTSD, it's just...well, I've been like this as long as I've been sexually active. But then, my early sexual activity was pretty...bad, for lack of a better word, and I didn't have a partner that I gave two shits about until I'd been sexually active for about two years, so...it's hard to say. Doesn't really matter at the end of the day. Whatever the cause, it's how I am, and honestly, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not convinced it's entirely a bad thing.

Depends on your partner, I'd say. No harm, no foul. You can't help being who you are. I can't change having PTSD and all the fun stuff that goes with it. If my wife can't love me despite it, what's the point?

I had a boyfriend who was really bothered by it, but that relationship was doomed for loads of other reasons, so whatever.

Any sort of chronic illness, be it mental or physical, is extremely hard on those close to the afflicted person.

Completely agree!

[Princess Sumire]

SinfulGuillotine

Princess Sumire

I can't even tell my psychologist about the depths of what I experienced because she started crying ):

Wow. Get a better psychologist. The whole point of seeing any sort of mental health professional is so that you have someone objective to talk to (as opposed to talking to people emotionally close to you such as friends or family). They're not supposed to start crying when their patient tells them something sad. That's incredibly unprofessional.

Anyway, I'm sorry you had such an awful childhood. Nobody deserves to be abused, but especially not children.

Best of luck with getting a service dog; it sounds like it could potentially be very helpful for you (no idea how difficult they are to get). And seriously, consider looking for a different psychologist. They can't really help you much if you can't talk openly with them.

I agree that she's a bit unprofessional. I just don't have a lot of choice with my insurance. She hasn't spoken a word to me about my PTSD since the first day I went to see her a year ago.

[Princess Sumire]

grinningjester

A dog is a great help. And PTSD dogs can be trained to get between you and people. My dog alerts me when people are coming up behind me and when I tell him to he stands between me and people I'm talking to. It is a huge relief to have that barrier. I can talk for days about how to get a PTSD dog so if you're interested ask. I'm sorry about your abuse and I'm glad you feel like you can talk here.

o.o It would be a great help to be guided in how to get a PTSD service dog!! Right now I'm in the dark about it and everyone from my parents to my psychologist to my doctors are telling me "There's no such thing as a mental health service dog...service dogs are for blind people."

[grinningjester]

Princess Sumire

o.o It would be a great help to be guided in how to get a PTSD service dog!! Right now I'm in the dark about it and everyone from my parents to my psychologist to my doctors are telling me "There's no such thing as a mental health service dog...service dogs are for blind people."

That's absolutely false in the U.S. The Americans with Disabilities Act states that any person with a disability can have a service dog. Here's the update on it that clearly mentions people with PTSD. The trick is getting your doctor to admit you are impaired and qualify for disability. Since your doctor isn't helpful as far as service dogs specifically, you can pretend you are trying to apply for disability if you haven't already. If you have, this is a non issue.

The first secret about service dogs is that there is no standardized testing for them. No tests are required. Anyone can slap a tag on a dog and call it a service dog. That being said, you are responsible for your dog and if someone a) calls you on it and you don't have a disability or b) if your dog pees inside or attacks or otherwise does something bad you are responsible and they can sue you and you'll be screwed . To be safe, your dog should pass the Public Access Test and it's a bonus to have a Canine Good Citizen certification.

Second secret: you can train your own dog. Any dog can be a service dog. For example, my dog is a springer spaniel and I had him for three years before I trained him as a service dog. There is a difference between service dogs and therapy dogs though. Service dogs must be trained to do tasks specific to a person's disability. If all the dog does is make you feel better, it's a therapy dog.

The Delta Society has a lot of really good information. Here's a link.