You'll be hard-presses to find any ministry advice in these forums, my dear. Perhaps Gaia isn't the best place for spiritual advice. I've been a Christian for several year, but I doubt I can give you the advice or counseling you need. Though might I suggest you to David Stone or Kyle Idleman of the Southeast Christian Church? I'm sure their contact information is on the website, and it's a recommendation I can give personally. They truly know what they're talking about it. I wish you the best.