Gay|Bi|Trans|Asexual|Pansexual|Intersex|Ally|Queer Support

Hey, a new poll! Would you be willing to help update the (rather lacking) information on the front page?

No thanks - I'm here to learn and I don't think I know enough.	14.2%	[ 23 ]
No thanks - I'm just not interested.	8.6%	[ 14 ]
No thanks - I'm absurdly busy!	13.6%	[ 22 ]
Maybe, depending. I want to ask Gil a few questions first.	25.3%	[ 41 ]
Of course I would! I'll go PM Gil right now.	4.9%	[ 8 ]
I like clicking options on polls	33.3%	[ 54 ]
Total Votes:			[ 162 ]

[GLBT]

Looking for the chat thread? Click here!
Got questions you're too shy to ask? Click here!

Watch your heads! This thread is under construction. If you have any suggestions on how to improve this group, please PM me or post. Thanks!

Gay|Bi|Trans|Asexual|Pansexual|Intersex|Ally|Queer Support || Table of Contents
* First post: Table of Contents, About the Thread
* Second Post: Thread Rules, Thread Moderators, Blacklist
* Third Post: Terms You Should Know
* Fourth Post: FAQ: General GLBTQ
* Fifth Post: FAQ: Sexuality and Sexual Orientation
* Sixth Post: FAQ: Gender Identity and Gender Expression
* Seventh Post: Facts and Statistics
* Eighth Post: What You Can Do
* Ninth Post: Anecdotes and Writings
* Tenth Post: Thread Business
* Eleventh Post: Resources and Further Reading

About the Thread

This thread has been attempted and failed in the past by people who were unwilling to do actual research or make actual statements. Just lazy threads. Since I've noticed a large number of people looking to discuss GLBTQ issues or looking to discuss being GLBTQ, I have decided to take this thread upon myself.

This thread is a place for GLBTQ members to support each other, to support the community as a whole, and to learn how to support themselves.

This support can range from advising other about coming out to talking about your relationship issues to discussing activism to discussing major events going on in the fight for GLBTQ rights and the GLBTQ community. This is mostly intended as a support thread, however, there is an undeniably political side to the queer rights struggle and part of supporting the community is to discuss the issues going on and possible solutions. I reserve my right to edit our purpose at any point.

Written: June 22nd, 2009 - August 2nd, 2009
Most recent update: April 25, 2012

Previous polls:

Quote:

Hey, if you like this thread, please click the <3 button up in the corner. Real poll coming soon, I promise!
<3 1 100.0% [ 2344 ]
Total Votes: [ 2344 ]

Quote:

Did you actually read the front page?
Yes, actually. I thought it was informative. -- 47.1% [ 165 ]
Pffft, NO. -- 18.0% [ 63 ]
I read a little. -- 30.0% [ 105 ]
I read it and I didn't think it was informative at all/think you're a self-important b***h. -- 4.9% [ 17 ]

Total: 350

Quote:

Where are you on the GLBTQ spectrum?
Cisgender gay/lesbian/bisexual -- 41.0% [ 82 ]
Cisgender panssexual/asexual -- 8.0% [ 16 ]
Transgender asexual -- 2.0% [ 4 ]
Androgyne/Bigender/Gender Fluid -- 5.5% [ 11 ]
Heterosexual transman -- 2.5% [ 5 ]
Homosexual/Bisexual/Pansexual transman -- 10.0% [ 20 ]
Heterosexual transwoman -- 0.0% [ 0 ]
Homosexual/Bisexual/Pansexual Transwoman -- 6.5% [ 13 ]
Confused/Questioning (or I didn't understand what you were talking about) -- 8.0% [ 16 ]
Cisgender heterosexual ("straight" wink 16.5% [ 33 ]

Total Votes: 200

Quote:

What thread-related thing are you most excited for?
The chat thread! OMGyay -- 42.0% [ 21 ]
The contest! biggrin -- 4.0% [ 2 ]
Both, silly! -- 16.0% [ 8 ]
Neither. -- 0.0% [ 0 ]
I'm excited for Gil not being a b***h! Maybe? Please? -- 12.0% [ 6 ]
I don't know what you're talking about. -- 12.0% [ 6 ]
My thoughts aren't expressed in the above (feel free to share!) -- 14.0% [ 7 ]

Quote:

What kind of contest do you want!

Art for the thread! Maybe some nifty banners? -- 16.1% [ 19 ]
A GLBTQ-related avatar competition! Come to think of it, the guild avatar is pretty ugly. 11.9% -- [ 14 ]
Tributes for the victims of hate crimes, in whatever form. -- 10.2% [ 12 ]
Something with writing, maybe poetry? -- 12.7% [ 15 ]
A chance game, like rolling dice or something! --4.2% [ 5 ]
I don't care, as long as I can win a prize. wink -- 10.2% [ 12 ]
I want something different than the above options, and I'm going to tell you guys what it is. -- 0.8% [ 1 ]
I want something different than the above options, and I'm not going to tell you guys what it is. -- 4.2% [ 5 ]
I don't want a contest. -- 10.2% [ 12 ]
The kind of contest where I can win Gil. /eyebrow waggle -- 19.5% [ 23 ]

Quote:

What would be the scariest Halloween costume? (If any of you make these costumes, I'll...do something for you, Iunno).

Rick Santorum--the, uh, politician, not the new definition. -- 4.7% [ 7 ]
Proposition 8, duh! -- 11.3% [ 17 ]
The Westboro Baptist Church, or a member of it. -- 22.7% [ 34 ]
The Defense of Marriage Act -- 4.7% [ 7 ]
A macho gay biker man who's just been called a "fairy". -- 17.3% [ 26 ]
Larry Craig -- 2.0% [ 3 ]
The suicide rate of gay teenagers -- 24.7% [ 37 ]
Gil. o__________o -- 12.7% [ 19 ]

Quote:

Politically, in recent times, have GLBTQ issues done poorly or well?
We have been faring well. Matt Shepard/James Byrd passed and [post other reasoning] 7.5% [ 9 ]
Of course we haven't been doing well! 53% of Maine's voters are assholes and [post other reasoning] -- 18.3% [ 22 ]
We've been faring equal parts bad and good. -- 38.3% [ 46 ]
I don't know. -- 16.7% [ 20 ]
I have no opinion. -- 6.7% [ 8 ]
I don't care. -- 6.7% [ 8 ]
What's a politically? :0 -- 5.8% [ 7 ]
Total Votes: 120

Quote:

Gay pride parades: yes or no?
Yes. They're an expression of not being afraid to be ourselves, and pretty fun. 31.1% [ 23 ]
No. We can't have parades in states of undress and then expect to be treated the same as everyone else. 13.5% [ 10 ]
They're a nice idea, but the media portrays them wrong. 5.4% [ 4 ]
It depends on the context. A bunch of guys running around in thongs, maybe not, but equality marches with a definite purpose are okay. 43.2% [ 32 ]
Something else [post] 0.0% [ 0 ]
I have no opinion or I'm uncertain of how I feel. 1.4% [ 1 ]
I don't care/I'm a poll whore. 5.4% [ 4 ]
Total Votes: 74

Quote:

11/20 is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Have you seen transphobia?
Yes. I have seen violence or threats towards myself. 4.8% [ 5 ]
Yes. I have seen bullying and harassment towards myself. 4.8% [ 5 ]
Yes. I have seen violence or threats towards trans people I know in real life. 7.6% [ 8 ]
Yes. I have seen bullying and harassment towards trans people I know in real life. 5.7% [ 6 ]
Yes. I have seen transphobia manifested in prejudice and discrimination towards myself or trans people I know. 14.3% [ 15 ]
I suspect that the trans people I know have been victims of transphobia. 2.9% [ 3 ]
I do not know if I have ever seen transphobia. 8.6% [ 9 ]
I have only seen transphobia online. 22.9% [ 24 ]
I do not feel that I have experienced or seen transphobia. 13.3% [ 14 ]
Other/Gold 15.2% [ 16 ]
Total Votes: 105

Quote:

What is your favorite LGBTQ symbol?

The inverted pink triangles/black triangles. Taking back our oppression. 5.9% [ 18 ]
The rainbow flag, of course! There are so many different kinds. 29.8% [ 91 ]
Purple bracelets! I see you, gay girls. 12.5% [ 38 ]
Black rings, especially on the middle finger, for asexuality. 5.9% [ 18 ]
The Lambda! Doesn't it just fit everything? 2.3% [ 7 ]
I like the various interlocking gender sign symbols. 12.8% [ 39 ]
Purple rhinoceros! OH, LONG-LOST GAY PRIDE SYMBOL, I TAKE YOU IN LIKE AN ORPHAN 11.5% [ 35 ]
I don't know any symbols/I don't know which is my favorite. 7.2% [ 22 ]
I don't like any. 5.9% [ 18 ]
I don't understand the question/golds? 6.2% [ 19 ]
Total Votes: 305

Quote:

Should Gil put up a new poll?
Nope, the pride symbols are just fi--hey. >:C 0.18222222222222 18.2% [ 41 ]
Yeah, you were boring us, Gil. 0.12444444444444 12.4% [ 28 ]
I want to give Gil my ideas for a new poll! 0.044444444444444 4.4% [ 10 ]
This is just being silly. D:< No moar silly polls. 0.062222222222222 6.2% [ 14 ]
Polls suck. 0.022222222222222 2.2% [ 5 ]
I don't care. 0.12444444444444 12.4% [ 28 ]
Happy Birthday, Gil! option 0.44 44.0% [ 99 ]
Total Votes: 225

Quote:

Are you resolving to come out for the New Year?
Yep! 8.0% [ 20 ]
No....>_> 12.4% [ 31 ]
I might. IDK. 17.6% [ 44 ]
I already have! Haha, closet kids. Haha. 32.0% [ 80 ]
I don't need to come out of the closet; I'm straight and cisgender. 11.6% [ 29 ]
Other! 11.6% [ 29 ]
too drunk to answer brb 6.8% [ 17 ]
Total Votes: 250

Quote:

Hate and prejudice against LGBT in schools?
I am (or was) an LGBTQ middle/high school student and have experienced violence/threats against myself or others. 0.073333333333333 7.3% [ 11 ]
I am (or was) an LGBTQ middle/high school student and have experienced bullying or harassment against myself or others. 0.36 36.0% [ 54 ]
I am (or was) an LGBTQ college student and have experienced violence or threats against myself or others. 0.02 2.0% [ 3 ]
I am (or was) an LGBTQ college student and have experienced harassment or bullying towards myself or others. 0.06 6.0% [ 9 ]
I am (or was) an LGBTQ student and have never experienced any form of hatred against LGBTQ in school, but still think that it is a major issue. 0.22 22.0% [ 33 ]
I am (or was) a straight and cisgender student and have never experienced hatred against LGBTQ in schools, but still think that it is a major issue. 0.13333333333333 13.3% [ 20 ]
I am (or was) an LGBTQ student and have never experienced any form of hatred against LGBTQ in school. I do not believe this is a major issue. 0.026666666666667 2.7% [ 4 ]
wut is skool 0.10666666666667 10.7% [ 16 ]
Total Votes: 150

Quote:

V-Day is coming up. You will be...
Chilling with my awesome significant other. B) 21.2% [ 35 ]
Crying and watching romantic comedies, feeling sorry for myself. 13.3% [ 22 ]
Giving Valentines to everyone I know. 8D 6.1% [ 10 ]
FREE. CHOCOLATE. 14.5% [ 24 ]
Punching babies and kicking adorable puppies 15.2% [ 25 ]
...probably chilling in the support thread, ackshually 7.3% [ 12 ]
Cruisin' for hotties/trying to hook up with someone 3.0% [ 5 ]
Wondering what this had to do with LGBT stuff. / gold 19.4% [ 32 ]
Total Votes: 165

Quote:

A gene is discovered that determines sexual orientation or gender identity (whatever is most relevant to your LGBT status). Your reaction?
This is great! Now, no one can say that I chose this! Gonna go on a victory streaking run, brb 0.15217391304348 15.2% [ 70 ]
This is bad for us. Now, there may be attempts at creating cures. 0.15 15.0% [ 69 ]
This will do nothing for us. Those who hate us will continue to hate us--the idea that we choose this is just an excuse. 0.23913043478261 23.9% [ 110 ]
This is good for us because there may be attempted cures. If one does not want to be LGBT, it would be possible not to be. 0.019565217391304 2.0% [ 9 ]
This is bad for us because more people will believe it is a disorder or medical condition. 0.18695652173913 18.7% [ 86 ]
I wouldn't really care or don't really know how I would feel. 0.076086956521739 7.6% [ 35 ]
I'm straight/cisgender and think it would be good. 0.060869565217391 6.1% [ 28 ]
I'm straight/cisgender and think it would be bad. 0.021739130434783 2.2% [ 10 ]
Quick, look, a distraction! /flees 0.093478260869565 9.3% [ 43 ]
Total Votes: 460

Quote:

Thread members: how would you feel about going into Towns to raise awareness on the day of the DOS?
I feel like that would be effective. I would like to participate and would be happy to buy a matching outft along with other thread members. 0.2734693877551 27.3% [ 134 ]
I feel like that would be effective. I would like to participate. I would not buy an outfit, however. 0.091836734693878 9.2% [ 45 ]
I feel like that would be effective but do not plan on participating. 0.093877551020408 9.4% [ 46 ]
I am not sure if that would be effective or if I would like to participate. 0.097959183673469 9.8% [ 48 ]
No, that would not be effective. 0.087755102040816 8.8% [ 43 ]
I feel that another means of bringing about awareness would be more appropriate. 0.12040816326531 12.0% [ 59 ]
IDK my bff Gil? 0.23469387755102 23.5% [ 115 ]
Total Votes: 490

Quote:

George Rekers: repressed homosexual?
repressed 0.15680880330124 15.7% [ 114 ]
super repressed 0.26822558459422 26.8% [ 195 ]
******** no, I always hire male prostitutes to carry my luggage 0.57496561210454 57.5% [ 418 ]
Total Votes: 727

Quote:

Happy first birthday, thread!
<3 31.7% [ 111 ]
Prop 8 getting repealed: best birthday present EVER? 44.6% [ 156 ]
Seriously, it was the same day, one year later, that this thread opened. 7.1% [ 25 ]
******** yeah. 16.6% [ 58 ]
Total Votes: 350

Quote:

On a scale of one to ten, with one being the worst and ten being the best, how helpful do you feel this thread is?
10 0.38666666666667 38.7% [ 116 ]
9 0.12666666666667 12.7% [ 38 ]
8 0.11 11.0% [ 33 ]
7 0.093333333333333 9.3% [ 28 ]
6 0.04 4.0% [ 12 ]
5 0.07 7.0% [ 21 ]
4 0.01 1.0% [ 3 ]
3 0.013333333333333 1.3% [ 4 ]
2 0.01 1.0% [ 3 ]
1 0.14 14.0% [ 42 ]
Total Votes: 300

Quote:

WHOA NEW POLL. Are you doing Day of Silence and/or Ally Week?
Yes, I am doing both. 0.13544668587896 13.5% [ 47 ]
I'm doing the DoS but not Ally Week. 0.12103746397695 12.1% [ 42 ]
I'm doing Ally Week but not the DoS. 0.028818443804035 2.9% [ 10 ]
I am a student and I am doing neither. 0.23919308357349 23.9% [ 83 ]
I am not a student. 0.4207492795389 42.1% [ 146 ]
All of the above and more! Let me tell you about it. 0.054755043227666 5.5% [ 19 ]
Total Votes: [ 347 ]

[GLBT]

Thread Rules, Thread Moderators, and Blacklist

Rules
- Be respectful of others at all times. I don't care about your personal opinions, but if we respect you, please respect us back. There will be no squabbling in this thread.

- Don't answer trolls or spammers! If a troll comes into the thread, don't answer their posts. Trolls are often wearing starter clothes, so, when in doubt, ignore dissenters wearing the newbie sets.
If a troll enters the thread, everybody bump the vampire thread so they go there instead. Just kidding (maybe).
- Please don't give graphic depictions of sex. There are kids running around here.

- Do NOT quote any of these first page posts.

- Don't spam. Posts that are just smiley faces or 'bump', 'lol', '...' or any other variation are spam and unacceptable.

- Please don't make rude stereotypes or comments about any minority in this thread, including but not limited to those under GLBTQ. That includes "Oh, gay people are better than straight people!" or "All girls should have gay guy friends!"

- Follow Gaia's TOS, or we get booted.

- This is not a place to find roleplay partners or boyfriends/girlfriends. Please go to Barton Town or a dating website if that's why you're here.

- Please don't advertise in the thread without prior permission.

- You will receive three warnings before being banned, unless I decide that you're being offensive enough to be banned the first time (trolling, mostly).

- I am taking charge of this thread because I want to help people. If you need someone to talk to and want to do it on the down-low, drop me a message any time.

- I can change the rules and ban/warn people at my own discretion. My mods have the same privileges. If you object to something I do, please contact me. If a moderator does something you disagree with, try privately talking to them before me. Don't argue with us on the thread, it just makes us mad.

- Try to stay generally on topic, please. A little chatter may occur naturally, but there should be no long, rambling conversations about things entirely unrelated to GLBTQ issues. If we can't help getting the love all over each other, I'll make a chat thread. Done! Please keep most chatter here.

According to site moderator LabTechMK, this will be our rule of thumb for chatter:

LabTech MK

[...] I think that a good rule of thumb is to try and ensure that there is at least a single mention of the actual topic at hand per page. Going a page or two without can be alright, though it's best to keep more on topic than not. If a group of users are carrying on for several pages about something completely unrelated to the thread and it's purpose, then they may need a little guidance so that the thread itself is not jeopardized. We are at times lenient, As with threads such as support it can and does include conversation from outside the topic itself for people to get to know each other / understand each other better for what they are there receiving support for. [...] We try to steer clear of moves unless the majority of the topic has just become a chatterfest.

Moderators

- GLBT (thread creator)
I am looking for other moderators at this time. If you've been in the thread for a few days, please contact me, or I might contact you.

Contributors

- Call Me Apple contributed to the FAQ with information about Islam and homosexuality.
- Z y p h e r e donated a lovely banner! <333

Blacklist

Aidan Wallcroft
Destroyer of Fire
thegreatasf
Something Very Unoriginal
The Great Heat Miser
Kunoichiban
ripguya9
soul_calibur_me
Mark Vincey John
Final Boss of Life Issues
pizza_crust
Isaidthis

[GLBT]

Terms You Should Know

Sex - The biological status of having male or female reproductive organs. Strictly related to physical attributes.

Gender - The other half of 'sex', the social aspects. These are usually societal expectations, roles, or attributes assigned to masculinity or femininity.

Gender Identity - The gender(s) or lack thereof that an individual identifies with, the way an individual perceives himself/herself/zirself that is associated with male and/or female identities (or not).

Feminine - Relating to typical roles/behaviors/attributes culturally associated with women.

Masculine - Relating to typical roles/behaviors/attributes culturally associated with men.

Gender neutral - Considered culturally acceptable for people regardless of gender.

Sexual Orientation - An enduring romantic/sexual attraction towards others.

Homosexuality - A sexual orientation towards the same sex, or otherwise used to describe sexual behavior and attraction towards the same sex.

Gay - Slang for homosexuality, and sometimes refers exclusively to homosexual males.

Lesbianism - Homosexuality between females.

Heterosexuality - Sexual behavior/attraction towards the opposite sex, or a sexual orientation towards the opposite sex.

Bisexuality - An sexual orientation or sexual behavior/attraction to both sexes.

Pansexuality - A sexual orientation towards all people regardless of gender or sex.

Polysexuality - A sexual orientation towards more than one gender or sex, but not all; sometimes used in place of 'bisexuality'.

Transgender - A term used to refer to those whose gender expression or identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.

Transsexual - A person whose sex is the opposite of their gender.

Transwoman - A transgender person born biologically male. Also an MTF (male to female) transsexual.

Transman - A transgender person born biologically female. Also an FTM transsexual.

Gender Dysphoria - The condition of being unhappy with one's biological sex, varying from mild to severe cases.

Transvestite - One who enjoys wearing clothing of the opposite sex for sexual gratification. Sometimes considered offensive/pejorative.

Crossdresser - One who enjoys wearing the clothing of the opposite sex for non-sexual reasons. A crossdresser may be of any sexual/gender identity.

Drag - Drag is crossdressing specifically for purposes of entertainment/performance as the opposite sex.

Drag queen - A male person who performs drag using a female persona.

Drag king - A female person who performs drag using a male persona.

Asexuality - An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

Androgyne - One who does not fit cleanly into masculine and feminine gender roles. An androgyne may identify as both male and female, neither male nor female, somewhere in between.

Cisgender - Having one's gender identity correspond with their physical sexual traits.

Intersex - Having atypical combinations of physical and sexual traits normally used to distinguish between the sexes.

Questioning - Someone who is uncertain of their gender or sexual orientation.

Coming out - The revealing of one's sexual orientation or gender identity to the public.

"In the closet" - One who is not open about their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Sexual Reassignment Surgery (also Gender Reassignment Surgery or SRS/GRS) - Surgical procedures through which physical and sexual characteristics are altered to resemble those of the desired gender.

Queer - The opposite of heteronormative, ergo, any non-heterosexual or non-cisgender sexual orientation or gender identity.

Genderqueer - Any gender identity outside of the "gender binary" of male and female.

Bigender - A tendency to move between feminine and masculine gender-typed behaviour depending on context, expressing a distinctly "en femme" persona and a distinctly "en homme" persona, feminine and masculine respectively.

Same gender loving - A term sometimes used by people of color who feel that "gay" and "lesbian" communities are not (or historically have not been) reflective of people who are not white.

Transition: The period of "transitioning" from living as one sex/gender to another. Transitioning may involved surgical/hormonal processes.

Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT) - A military policy prohibiting homosexuals from serving openly. Recently repealed.

Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) - A federal law in the US that legally defined marriage as being between between one man and one woman.

[GLBT]

FAQ - General

What is GLBTQ?

GLBTQ is an initalism that stands for Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Queer/Questioning. You may have seen a slightly different acronym used, including but not limited to GLBT, LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQQ, GLBTQ? and other similar arrangements of letters.

In general, GLBTQ refers to the collective community of sexualities besides heterosexuality and those of gender identities outside of the gender binary.

What are some issues facing GLBTQ today?

In America (and some other Western countries), some issues include gay marriage, adoption rights, anti-hate crime legislation based on sexuality and gender identity, employment and housing nondiscrimination for GLBTQ people, the availability of adequate medical treatment, especially for those in transition and protections for GLBTQ students, among many other things. In several foreign countries, homosexual acts are a crime and are punishable with jail or, in the case of Saudi Arabia, Iran, Sudan, Nigeria, and several others, death.

Why do people oppose GLBTQ rights?/Why are people intolerant towards GLBTQ?

For some people, the reasoning is religiously-based. The Abrahamic religions traditionally forbid sodomy, and Leviticus states that it is a capital punishment. No references occur referring to lesbian sex. Some scripture is potentially against homosexuals themselves, notably Romans 1, but it is questionable whether this refers to homosexuals or male prostitutes.

A lot of people are also just prejudiced towards or uncomfortable with sexualities or gender identities differing from their own. This often stems from a lack of understanding GLBTQ people , or sometimes a lack of confidence in their own sexuality or gender identity. Some are afraid of being identified as GLBTQ themselves.

Bisexual people may encounter prejudice targeted towards their sexuality specifically, as opposed to GLBTQ in general, such as the belief that bisexuality doesn't exist (bisexual erasure) or that all bisexuals are promiscuous.

Transgender people also face specific issues. For some people who are cisgender, it is difficult to understand why someone might feel a need to transition. There has also been a lot less exposure to trans-specific issues and needs in the media.

I personally disagree with your sexuality/your gender identity/giving rights to GLBTQ.

You're welcome to personally disagree, but it's a little silly, since it doesn't affect you. If you want to talk about why, we can try to explain things to you and hopefully at least let you see our perspective.

I want to come out of the closet. Should I?

Coming out of the closet is a very personal decision that you have to make for yourself. You have to weigh the benefits and the risks and decide for yourself.

Teenagers have their own set of concerns, especially ones who are still dependent on their parents. Almost any teenagers that wants to come out to their parents will be grilled. You may not be able to predict how your parents will react. Make sure you have a support system behind you in case things go down poorly. Most importantly, you need to be certain of yourself. Teenage years are awkward and it is possible--not necessarily so--that you are confused or experimenting. Wait until you're absolutely certain of yourself, and until you are as knowledgeable as possible. It may take time for parents to adjust to their children being GLBTQ, and you will want to be able to accurately and honestly answer their questions to make their transition process as smooth as possible. I would advise waiting to come out until an emotionally calm period of time in your household when you can discuss things honestly and without anger. Some people don't understand GLBTQ, and some people will never understand. Remember that these are your parents, and that you love them and they love you.

I am/someone I know being harassed, attacked, discriminated or bullied because of gender identity or sexual orientation.

If you cannot reason with this person, tell someone. It cannot get better if you can't get help. If you are at work, you can contact a superior or file a complaint. If you are at school, tell a teacher, a guidance counselor, or any other staff member. If you're a minor, tell your parents. You can contact the police if the situation is appropriate. If anyone ever hurts you or threatens to hurt you, you should get law enforcement involved.

I'm heterosexual and cisgender, but I still want to support GLBTQ causes.

Good for you! Straight allies are a huge part of the rights movement, and we really appreciate you. You're an integral part of our community, and I love seeing straight people getting on board with awareness events and such. You're more than welcome to post in the thread, and you're more than welcome in real life, too.

[GLBT]

FAQ - Sexuality and Sexual Orientation

What causes ______sexuality?

This is a slippery question. There is a lot of evidence to suggest that sexuality pertains to genetic or biological factors that they are born with. Many scientists believe that sexuality is a mix of cognitive, behavioral, and environmental influences, and may be different for each person.

Do people choose their sexuality?

Summarily? No. Psychologists basically agree on this. You can choose to engage in sexual behavior or not, but not your personal orientation.

Here's a conversation I had with another user about this subject:

Abstract Nonsense

GLBT

Abstract Nonsense

I actually tried [choosing my sexuality, specifically asexuality]. It was extremely weird and strange.

I do not recommend it to anyone!

...How'd choosing your sexual orientation go for you?

It was horrible! I felt guilty and off kilter anytime sex came up.

But I know/heard about someone that changed their sexuality through therapy!

There is no evidence to suggest that conversion therapy is effective, and many psychologists think it is an emotionally abusive practice that encourages unhealthy repression. No sexual orientation is an illness, and there is no treatment for any sexual orientation. There is nothing to imply validity to the claims of the conversion therapy movement, especially because their documentation of treatment outcome is, to say the least, poor. There have also been many incidents with "conversion therapists" sexually taking advantage of, molesting, or raping their patients. Conversion therapy movements are usually sponsored by religious groups with a heteronormative ideology. Anyone seeking any sort of therapy deserves a neutral environment.

The American Psychological Association has denounced conversion therapy.

Homosexuality

Is homosexuality unnatural?

Nope! Over four hundred species of animals engage in homosexual acts, including dolphins, orangutans, jackals, and cobras. Like I said before, there is much evidence tying homosexuality to genetics.

This person I know "acts gay".

There is no way of acting gay. There's no way of dressing "gay". Those are old sterotypes, and anyone of any personality can be homosexual. A lesbian does not have to act "butch" and a gay man doesn't have to act effeminate. Might some? Sure. Some heterosexuals might, too.

Is being gay a sin?

That's hard to say. I am not familiar with Islam, so if anyone wants to jump in about what the Koran has to say, go ahead. Thanks so much to Call Me Apple Juice for her contributions!

The Biblical scriptures often cited are Genesis 19, Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Genesis 1-3 and 1 Timothy 1:8-10. DignityUSA, a Catholic group, responds to the claims that homosexuality a 'sin' through the following:

Quote:

"It is not easy to summarize briefly the body of research on homosexuality in the Bible. But these are the interpretations that some scholars are proposing:

The story of Sodom in Genesis 19 is about offense against the sacred duty of hospitality. That is how Ezekiel 16:48-49 and Wisdom 9:13-14 interpret this text. The attempted male rape only heightens the atrocity of this offense.

Leviticus 18:22 does forbid male-male sex as an "abomination." But the word simply means an impurity or a religious taboo — like eating pork. As in the case of Catholics who used to be forbidden under pain of mortal sin to eat meat on Friday, the offense was not in the act itself but in the betrayal of one's religion. The ancient Jews were to avoid practices common among the unclean Gentiles.

Romans 1:27 mentions men having relations with men. But the terms used to describe them are "dishonorable" and "shameless." These refer deliberately to social disapproval, not to ethical condemnation. Moreover, according to Paul's usage, different from the prevalent Stoic philosophy of the day, para physin ( "unnatural" ) would best be translated "atypical" or "beyond the ordinary." So it bears no reference to natural law. And it can imply no ethical condemnation because in Romans 11:24 God is said to act para physin. Paul sees gay sex as an impurity (see Rm. 1:24), just like uncircumcision or eating forbidden foods. He mentions it to make the main point of his letter, that purity requirements of the Jewish Law are not relevant in Christ Jesus. See L. William Countryman, Dirt, Greed, and Sex.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and 1 Timothy 1:8-10 list arsenokoitai among those who will be excluded from the Reign of God. This obscure term has been translated "homosexuals" but its exact meaning is debated. It certainly does not include women but only some kind of male sexual offenders. If it does refer to men having sex with men — which is dubious — it must be interpreted in light of the abuse and licentiousness commonly associated with male-male sex in the Roman Empire. See Robin Scroggs, The New Testament and Homosexuality.

Finally, Genesis 1-3 shows Adam and Eve created for mutual companionship and procreation. These accounts use the most standard of human relationships to teach a religious lesson. The point is the love and wisdom of God, who made all things good and wills us no evil. Nothing suggests the biblical authors intended a lesson on sexual orientation."

As regards Islam:

Call Me Apple Juice

What does the Qur'an say?

Since Islam is also an Abrahamic religion, like the Bible, the Qur'an does not 'approve' of homosexuality. Here are some sources:

"Of all the creatures in the world, will ye approach males, And leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates? Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits)!" (26:165-166).

"Would ye really approach men in your lusts rather than women? Nay, ye are a people (grossly) ignorant!" (27:55).

"For ye practise your lusts on men in preference to women : ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds." (7:81). "And we rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): Then see what was the end of those who indulged in sin and crime!" (7:84). "He said: "O my Lord! help Thou me against people who do mischief!"" (29:30)

But many Muslims, like myself, do not take the Qur'an so literally. Since back then was such a different time...And first and foremost, Islam preaches love. Here are some other verses that are for peace:

"And the servants of Allah... are those who walked on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say peace" (25:63)

"Show forgiveness, speak for justice and avoid the ignorant." (7:199)

Middle Eastern Culture Vs. Islam

A lot of the practices which are common in the middle east, are not common here. Because that is usually culture or misunderstanding the Qur'an, not Islam.

And they are making advancements, slowly but surely. For example, in the past decade, NINE MORE COUNTRIES have allowed homosexual relationships! Okay, that doesnt seem that great, but in Saudi Arabia homosexuality in public can be punishable by...death. So this advancement is seriously good. Also, in Iran, people are allowed to change their sex, then can get married.

A lot of this stands to personal interpretation. Personally, I am of the belief that, since it would appear that homosexuality has a lot to do with how you're born, then God must create individuals that way purposefully, which would indicate that no, it's not a sin.

How many gay people are there?

One oft-quoted estimate puts it at 10%. However, it's difficult to get accurate numbers based on a lack of reliable self-reported data.

Maybe _____sexuals just don't know that they like sex/sex with the opposite sex because they haven't tried it.

The obvious retort to this is that perhaps heterosexuals don't know that they like sex with the same sex because they haven't tried it. Knowing your sexual orientation does not require engaging in sexual acts at all and no one should feel pressure to engage in sexual behavior that they are not comfortable with.

Male Homosexuality

Does being gay conflict with being masculine?

Absolutely not. Being gay means that you're attracted to men--nothing more. You are who you are and your sexuality doesn't play a big role in that. There are MANY masculine gay guys, some of whom would probably beat you up if you suggested that they were effeminate. There is a little "subculture" of male homosexuality that centers around a certain body type and view of masculinity, called 'Bear' or 'bears'. Wikipedia defines it as follows:

Quote:

Bears tend to have hairy bodies and facial hair; some are heavy-set; some project an image of working-class masculinity in their grooming and appearance, though none of these are requirements or unique indicators. Some bears place importance on presenting a hyper-masculine image and may shun interaction with, and even disdain, men who exhibit effeminacy. The bear concept can function as an identity, an affiliation, and an ideal to live up to, and there is ongoing debate in bear communities about what constitutes a bear. There is also, anecdotally, more acceptance of tattoos and body piercing in the bear community.

I wouldn't worry about slapping a label on yourself, though. If you're gay, that doesn't define you as anything besides just another guy.

Are gay men more likely to contract HIV/AIDS?

Not at all. AIDS doesn't target any particular demographic more than the others, and currently gay men are not the minority with the highest HIV/AIDS rate.

Lesbianism

I know a lot of girls that say they're lesbians, and then they "change their minds". Does that mean all lesbians could go to being attracted to men if they wanted to?

A lot of teenagers experiment, and it's not uncommon for girls to identify as lesbian incorrectly while they're still figuring themselves out. Studies suggest that female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality, however, just because some young girls change their minds doesn't mean that lesbians can choose or change their sexuality,.

Can two women really have sex?

Yes.

Bisexuality

Does bisexuality really exist?

Yes. The America Psychology Association recognizes it, as does the AMA and American Psychiatric Association. It's quite real. Animals have also been seen to engage in bisexual behavior.

Are bisexuals attracted to both sexes equally?

Not necessarily. Many bisexuals have some preference one way or another.

Is bisexuality technically be the default human sexuality?

It's been suggested, but I've seen literally no evidence to back it up. I think that saying any sexuality is the 'original', 'default', or 'better sexuality is unprovable and, at times, gets a little rude.

Are all bisexuals just promiscuous?

No.

Asexuality

What's the difference between celibacy and asexuality?

Celibacy is the active decision not to engage in sex, whereas asexuals do not experience sexual attraction

Wait, so they don't want relationships at all?

Asexuals may engage in romantic relationships based off of purely emotional connections. Asexuals may be attracted to people, just not interested in acting on those feelings. They can be attracted towards the same sex, opposite sex, both, not at all, or they may be panromantic. Some asexuals might just be happy with a group of friends instead.

Are people who can't become aroused asexual?

An inability to become aroused actually can be a result of medical conditions. While arousal isn't vital to your health or anything, if you suddenly lose your sex drive/ability to get aroused, you might want to mention it to a doctor.

Asexuals can become aroused, but it isn't associated with a desire for partnered sex. Some may masturbate occasionally. Others will experience little to no interest sexual arousal.

Does asexuality result from a traumatic experience with sex?

Like all other sexual orientations discussed here, most asexuals have not had a "traumatic experience" that tarnished their ideas of sex. Many asexuals come from perfectly happy situations, and simply don't feel sexual attraction.

Pansexuality

How is pansexuality different from bisexuality?

Bisexuality is the attraction to both males and females. Pansexuality includes those at all points on the gender spectrum, including but not necessarily limited to intersex people, transsexuals, transgender people, androgynes and genderqueer people. Like bisexuals, however, they are not necessarily promiscuous or easy.

[GLBT]

FAQ - Gender Identity and Gender Expression

Transgender

What pronouns do you use when referring to a transgender person?

Whatever he/she/ze prefers! Err on the side of asking instead of assuming.

Can I ask a TG person about their biological sex?

No. That's terribly rude and offensive. It's like a complete stranger or acquaintance coming up to you on the street and questioning you about your genitalia in detail, except much more uncomfortable and embarrassing.

Transsexual

What is involved in the transition process?

This can vary for different people. There are social, medical, and legal aspects to transitioning to one's preferred gender. Socially, some people may begin to identify themselves as another name and set of pronouns and dressing like their identified gender. Medically, some may take hormones or have surgeries to make their body conform more to their gender. Transgender individuals may have any of these procedures or none of them. Legally, there are steps that can be taken to change one's name and to achieve legal recognition of their gender.

Can a transgender person be happy without fully transitioning to a member of the opposite sex, including genitalia?

Physical and surgical transitions are personal choices. Some people do not personally want them. For others, it's something they absolutely strive for. People can fall in different places on the spectrum.

Crossdressing and Transvestism

How does transvestism vary from cross-dressing?

Transvestism is often used to refer to dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex for sexual gratification, whereas cross-dressing is doing the same for non-sexual purposes.

Are all transvestites gay?

No. The majority of male transvestites are heterosexual, about 75% according to a study by Tapestry Magazine. Many psychologists believe that the ratio of gay transvestites to straight transvestites mirrors that of the non-transvestite population.

Androgyny

Is 'androgyne' synonymous with 'hermaphrodite/intersex'?

No. Androgyny is a gender identity. Intersexism refers to the physical condition of having aspects of both sexes (the term 'hermaphrodite' is outdated, offensive, and refers to physical conditions in its proper usage, anyway).

Will all androgynes physically appear androgynous?

No. Some people will have a hard time coping with the fact that they appear like one sex and not understand their own gender identity. There are no physical cues to someone being androgynous unless they choose to present themselves that way. Androgynes are basically intersex in the brain.

Intersex

What do you do if your kid is born intersex?

Unfortunately, many doctors will advocate for "normalizing" them with surgery and altering their genitals, usually to those of a female, because they are easier to construct. However, ISNA advocates not looking into surgical options until the child is old enough to have his/her own gender identity. If the child wishes to change sex, the first surgery may have removed important tissue. This latter is the more human option and is the option more concerned with the child's quality of life.

What does an intersex person look like / what makes someone intersex?

There's no single answer to that, because intersex can take so many different forms. Someone might appear to have female genitalia and then male internal anatomy. Someone might identify as and appear completely female and find out decades after they were born that they have a Y chromosome. Some genitals might be more like how we imagine, like a mixture between the two, ergo, a girl with an especially large clitoris and no vaginal opening, or a male with a small p***s and a scrotum that appears to be divided by labia. In another individual, some cells could be XX and others could be XY. Some may have chromosome irregularities like XXY.

Can you tell that someone is intersex from birth?

Sometimes. Intersex anatomy may be apparent from infancy, but it may also be discovered during puberty, or never even discovered in an individual's lifetime.

What are the forms intersex can take?

Intersex can be a result of many different things and may show itself in different ways. The ISNA has a list of some conditions and more information about them.

[GLBT]

GLBTQ Facts and Statistics

- Gay and lesbian youth are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than other youths.

- 30% of all completed youth suicides are related to the issue of sexual identity.

- 45% of gay males and 20% of lesbians surveyed reported having experienced verbal harrassment and or physical violence during high school as a result of their sexual orientation.

- 33% of gay men and 34% of lesbians reported suffering physical violence at the hands of a family member as a result of their sexual orientation.

- In a psychological study of 484 students, 18% of the men interviewed admitted that they had committed physical violence or threats against men and or women they perceived to be gay or lesbian.

- 28% of gay and lesbian high school students in a national study were seen to have dropped out of school because of harrassment resulting from their sexual orientation.

- 80% of lesbians, gay and bisexual youth reported servere isolation problems. They experienced social isolation, emotional isolation and cognitive isolation.

- 26% of gays and lesbian youth are forced to leave home because of conflicts with their families over their sexual identities.

- 53% of students report hearing homophobic comments made by school staff.

- Depression strikes homosexual youth four to five times more severely than other non-gay peers.

- "In a recent Australian study of 1500 gay and lesbian adolesents, 80% had not told their parents of their same sex attraction. Gay statistic studies over the past 7 years have indicated that 25% to 40% of young lesbians and gays have attempted suicide."

- Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth were more than four times as likely to report being threatened with a weapon on school property

- Nearly 40 percent of students between the ages of 16 and 18 said that they are prejudiced against homosexuals.

- Twenty-four countries [not including the U.S.] currently allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military.

- To date, the U.S. has discharged over 11,000 service members for being gay or lesbian.

- Twenty-six U.S. states have passed constitutional amendments explicitly banning same-sex marriage, while eighteen states have passed statewide laws that recognize marriage as between a man and a woman.

- In thirty states, LGBT citizens can be fired on the basis of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity without any legal recourse.

- Nearly 90 percent of people in the U.S. believe that gay and lesbian workers should have the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts.

- National surveys indicate that one third of anti-gay assaults include use of a weapon.

- 84% of GLBT students reported being verbally harassed (name calling, threats, etc.) because of their sexual orientation.

- 82.9% reported that faculty or staff never intervened or intervened only some of the time when present when homophobic remarks were made.

- LGBT youth are more than four times as likely to skip whole days of school out of fear.

- 50% of all gay and lesbian youth report that their parents reject them due to their sexual orientation.

- 97% of high school students report hearing homophobic remarks regularly from peers.

- 33.2% of transgender youth have attempted suicide.

- 55% of transgender youth report being physically attacked.

- 74% of transgender youth reported being sexually harassed at school, and 90% of transgender youth reported feeling unsafe at school because of their gender expression.

- Researchers at San Francisco State University found that even marginally supportive behaviour from parents toward their gay children reduced cases of drug abuse threefold, severe depression sixfold, and suicide attempts eightfold.

States that include sexual orientation in their hate crime laws: Arizona ( 2003 ), Delaware ( 2001 ), Florida ( 2001 ), Illinois ( 2001 ), Iowa ( 2002 ), Kansas ( 2002 ), Kentucky ( 2001 ), Louisiana ( 2002 ), Maine ( 2001 ), Massachusetts ( 2002 ), Michigan ( 2002-data collection only ), Nebraska ( 2002 ), Nevada ( 2001 ), New Hampshire ( 2002 ), New York ( 2002 ), Rhode Island ( 2001 ), Tennessee ( 2001 ), Texas ( 2002 ), Washington ( 2001 ) and Wisconsin ( 2002 )

States that include sexual orientation and gender identity in their hate crime laws: California ( 1999 ), Colorado ( 2005 ), Connecticut ( 2004 ), District of Columbia ( 1989 ), Hawaii ( 2003 ), Maryland ( 2005 ), Minnesota ( 1993 ), Missouri ( 2001 ), New Jersey ( 2002/March 2008 ),New Mexico ( 2003 ), Oregon ( 2001/2008 ) and Vermont ( 2001 )

States that do not have hate crime laws based on any bias: Arkansas, Georgia, Indiana, South Carolina and Wyoming.

In 2007, 1,460 hate crime offenses based on sexual-orientation bias were reported by law enforcement agencies. Of these offenses:
- 59.2 percent were classified as anti-male homosexual bias.
- 24.8 percent were reported as anti-homosexual bias.
- 12.6 percent were prompted by an anti-female homosexual bias.
- 1.8 percent were the result of an anti-heterosexual bias.
- 1.6 percent were classified as anti-bisexual bias.

[GLBT]

World-wide Goings On

August 3, 2009 - GLSEN will be honoring a student advocate at its Respect Awards in LA on October 9th. If you know anyone, go to their site to nominate them by August 23rd. They have to be going into 10th-12th grade.

August 3, 2009 - Portugal's Constitutional Court has upheld the country's ban on gay marriage.

August 2, 2009 - In Israel, a gunman opened fire on the Tel Aviv Center for Gay and Lesbian Youth, killing two and wounding eleven. The dead are one counselor and a seventeen-year-old girl. Many of the youth were not out, and were outed to their parents when they were summoned to the hospital. There are concerns that there will be more fear now. No suspect has been apprehended in the shootings.

June 3, 2009 - New Hampshire's governor officially signed gay marriage into law today.

[still under construction; submit stuff to me if you've got it!]

[GLBT]

Anecdotes and Writings

Quote:

These are some pictures from a member of our thread, RoidTheNinja, who went to the Equality March in Washington DC in October 2009. Absolutely amazing. c:

Quote:

I am a 21 year old gay male, have always known that I was gay never really had any attraction whatsoever to members of the opposite sex. Although i had been active since Junior High I did not come out to my family until Fall of 2005. Now my parents are considerably older then normal My mom is 77 and my dad is 84 (I was adopted by my mothers parents at the age of 5) and they were kinda mad but after a while got over it. But my siblings have never gotten over the fact, My Sister tried to force me to move out of my parents home because my family was all convinced that I had transmitted some sexual disease and that I would infect my parents by living in the same home. Was tested twice both times came out fine but they still are convinced there is something wrong with me.

Although I get tested every so often and I am perfectly fine. Also my family is a very strong LDS (Mormon) most of my siblings and my parents have had multiple church callings through the years devoted to their religion, I was also an active member of the church until I came out and had a couple confrontations and just got sick of it. But my siblings are always on my back frequently making cracks such as "Your going to go to hell unless you change your ways", "you're not gay no such thing, you just haven't met the right girl", "you need to be more butch or you'll never get anywhere in this world", "People don't hire fagots you'll struggle all of your life unless you straighten up" and other such derogatory comments.

And also at family gathering how my nieces and nephews etc.always bring their boyfriends/girlfriends, fiance/fiancee and it is perfectly fine great. But if I ever came with someone that I was interested in or even any of my family members met him I would never hear the end of it. Also just irritates me how my family members treat me so badly, yet always expect me to help out with my aging parents whenever one of them can't come through with what they were supposed to do. Some friends of mine have frequently told me that I should just move out of the area and forget about them, and start my own life.

Which I agree with to a point but I love my parents dearly and want to be here to help them out. I just don't understand, have had a few bad issues in the family due to infidelity, pre-marital affairs, etc. but eventually they blow over. But with me I haven't done anything, I'm a good guy, self sufficient, frequently help out with my family. But they treat me like I am some low-life due to the fact that I am gay. I know or should I say hope things will change eventually but for now just not sure on what to do.

Chris

Quote:

I don't much like practical jokes. I don't use gender confusion as a prank. In fact, I don't use it for anything; it's just something that happens to me. I don't dress to confuse. I certainly don't wake up in the morning thinking, "How will I challenge gender stereotypes today?"

Still, once in a rare while, the practical joke can be taken to a higher plane. Sometimes it can induce, not just a pratfall, but a brief glimpse of another, stranger, world.

A few times, I've noticed someone deliberately watching me to see which bathroom I'll go into. If this happens, I pause by the entrances to the bathrooms, pull a coin out of my pocket, and flip it. Then (and this is what makes the performance more than a mere prank) I look down at the coin with an expression of dismay, mutter aloud, "Oh, God, not again"--and walk into the bathroom I was going to use anyway.

But my favorite example of gender subversion is an installation I did at Minicon 31, a science fiction convention here in Minneapolis. I noticed that the public suites had two single-user bathrooms each. Now, in the U.S. you hardly ever see two bathrooms next to each other that aren't labelled "men" and "women," even if they're identical in every respect and can only accomodate one person at a time. Somehow, these bathrooms had been missed: their doors were blank. I decided to remedy this oversight--but not with anything as mundane as MEN / WOMEN. Instead I made up signs with other sets of opposites:

CARBON/SILICON
OXYGEN/METHANE
OVIPAROUS/VIVIPAROUS

I didn't do a very good job of predicting the outcome of this joke. In a setting where you expect to see signs advertising such mythical products as Amalgamated Spleen ( "The Other Purple Meat" ), I didn't think anyone would be the least bit fazed. I thought they'd just smile at the notion of having separate bathrooms for methane breathers, and go about their business.

A friend told me that he saw some people doing just that. But I saw a man approach the carbon bathroom, notice the sign, and stop short. He turned and saw the sign that said "silicon." Flummoxed, he backed away from the bathrooms, walked up to a friend, and whispered something in his ear. The friend shrugged. He widened his eyes and, hesitating a bit, went into the carbon bathroom. I guess he thought that carbon was more masculine.

As I've said, I don't usually like practical jokes. But it did my heart good to see someone else have trouble deciding which bathroom to use.

As the con progressed and people got the idea, I let the signs get stranger:

OFFICERS/GENTLEMEN
#1/#2
MACS/UNIX

And on Sunday--a traditional day of exhaustion at cons--I treated the bleary fans to my favorite bit of surrealism:

GENDER/NUMBER
I have over two dozen more signs ready for the next Minicon. If I ran them all here it would spoil the jokes, but I will give my new favorite:

THOSE WHO DIVIDE PEOPLE INTO TWO KINDS/THOSE WHO DON'T

Quote:

Yesterday, a little kid pointed to me and said “Boy!” I love how toddlers can be more aware of the gender we intend to be. Most grown-ups pay more attention to the gender we’re supposed to be.

Quote:

I was at the movies and this girl and her dad were arguing about my gender. The girl said I was a girl and her dad said I was a boy. The best part was the girl said I had breasts, which I do, and the dad said it didn’t matter! I think I love that guy!

Quote:

My coming out was both bad and good. When I was seven my parents had divorced, I spent most of my time living with my mother, even though they had joint custody. So I had to come out twice, to my mum and my dad. One was understanding, one wasn’t.

I’m 19 now and I came out to my folks when I was 14. The year before I came out was hard as I began to realise what I was. I became closed off and locked myself up within my bedroom every night, just lying on my bed and loosing myself in my dreams. For that was the only escape from my everyday world. My school life wasn’t good, bullied all the time yet never telling my folks. That was who I was. I was a lonely shadow in my school.

The night I came out to my mum, I had been throwing the decision around in my head for about a week. It was beginning to crush me so I worked up the courage. My mum was making the tea, the kitchen filled with the aromas of her cooking. This was a little comforting and I became just a little bit less nervous. My mum saw me stood in the doorway. she smiled at me and asked me what was up.

The concern that was in her voice just made me breakdown in a second I stood there shaking and crying.
She came over and wrapped her arms around me, asking what was wrong. All I could do was say sorry over and over again through floods of tears. My mum began to cry with me. Eventually I said it. I took a long deep breath and just blurted it out.

I felt my mum’s breathing catch and then she breathed out slowly. She then stepped back and looked at me. She asked if I was sure. I said yes. She then smiled at me and hugged me again saying that it was ok. When I had stopped crying she wiped away my tears and told me we would have a good long chat after tea. But first she wanted to know if I wanted gravy with my tea.

My mum was completely fine with everything, she listened as I told her about people I had crushes on and how I was worried about telling her. She just smiled and listened. At the end of our convocation she told me I had to tell my dad next. I figured that he would react in a similar way to my mum. I was wrong.

When it was the weekend I went down to see my dad. He came and picked me up and we had a fantastic weekend. On the ride back to my mums I told him. I wasn’t crying or anything, I just took a deep breath and told him. He nearly swerved off the road.

He stared at me furiously but calmly asked if I was messing or telling the truth. When I said it was the truth he stayed in silence all the way to my mums. I was beginning to get nervous. When we got into the house my dad looked at my mum. He’s gay? He yelled it at my mum. I ran to my room and cried into my pillow as I heard him yelling at my mum, saying she had brought me wrong and that she was to blame.

After that my dad barely spoke to me. If he did they were just a few words or grunts. One day I got sick of it and yelled at him, saying that he was being childish. In the end I ran out slamming the door behind me.

A couple of weeks later I was rushed to hospital with sever appendicitis. Apparently it was one of those cases where if they weren’t quick getting it out it would of gone bang. When I woke up in that hospital bed, the first thing I saw was my dad. I didn’t understand at first why he was there.

But my sister said that mum had practically dragged him to the hospital. She said when he saw me with all the tubes in me and the mask on he swore at himself for his stupidity and short-sightedness. He hadn’t left my bed since he had arrived. After I was let out we had a long talk. Now he’s fine with it, he says hi to my boyfriends, he comforts me when we break up and also offers relationship advice.

The only thing is, even though I know he loves me. But I feel he only accepts me being gay because he doesn’t have a choice. I’m not sure if it’s true or not, but I don’t really care, I’m just glad he still wants to be a part of my life.

Danny U.K.

Quote:

When I was younger, I used to feel bad inside whenever someone mistook me for my parents’ son. These days, I feel bad inside whenever my parents emphasise that I am their daughter, to others.

Not because I want to be a boy, but because I feel like my gender representation has disappointed them. They brought me into this world expecting to dress me in skirts and heels and to have long hair. Even now, when I’m nearing 21, my mother will try and push feminine clothing onto me. I can see how distraught she is whenever I head towards the section my brother and father are in.

I feel like a failure. I feel like I killed their daughter.

Quote:

Freein' The Spaces
By Jean Wallace
Brave New Voices 2001

There's a spot just above her lips soft and true to the touch.
There's a place on her chin that she shaved
when her whiskers grew back not so girl thin.
There's a time of night
when she'll take off her clothes and let anyone see
and a time of night when he won't.

There's a day almost every week
when she wouldn't mind being a pretty girl.
There's a club he goes out to
where you can see him dancing all night
with the girls there
without being scared.

There's a curve on his hip
that she can't stand to look at in the mirror.
There's this look in the eyes
of the people who meet her and wonder.

Because there's this very strange rut called gender
That she needed to get out of
and now all those eyes are watching him
teeter on the edge
There's this hard to reach ledge
where the world put a box of what they think of him
and labeled it with her name
and now she can't seem to reach it
even up on his toes
even in her old point shoes
and it makes him collapse back into her,
afraid.

The world sees him and they want to know
"What do you call that?" and
"Stay away from it, kids."
There's a point in his life where she said,
"I just don't fit,"
and she took it all off right then.
There's a man by any definition shadowing her girl
and a woman writhing inside her man.
there's a highly raised eyebrow
and a role she can't stand
there's graffiti on the mirror
on the locker
on the bathroom door
circling his wrists, ankles and neck.

There's a place on his back
where if you rested your hand
you would feel in the skin
and the muscle
and in him
the need for another few words in this world
to let us slide in between boy and girl.
She is so himself
with my hand resting there out of her short skirts
and into the barren mommy tells little girl to keep her underwear on
and how pretty she is
a supermodel age four with her long long hair
and never to cut it
and to always be sweet
and to stay out of dirt.
There is a very curt comment made by his dad
when he ceased to understand her at all.
There's no spot on her body where she turns from boy to girl
every square inch of skin unfurled
she is the boy who redefines free
no more butch than me
curled on his peak
just above all the
deep
false
rules.

Quote:

My name is Jillian and I am 17 soon to be 18 on December 17th. When i was 9 or 10 I used to put pictures on my bulliten board of celebrity women, for some reason I had an attraction to them. Well when i was 16 I met this girl named Misty in my biology class, we talked for a little bit, and one day the teacher teamed us up for a DNA project. I invited her to my house to work on it. At that moment I knew I liked her, So from that point on we have been dating for the last 19 months now.

Once my mom found out a week after we started dating she called me every name in the book relating to being gay, she called me a Queer and that really offended me. Ever since then my mom reminds me every single day not missing one day at all, how much she really hates "us gay people". I dont know when my mom will ever except me, but I really am getting tired of her always putting me down and making me cry.

She screams at me, and I just dont know what to do, because I just can't stick up for myself at all. She is afraid to tell all of my other family members afraid of what they would think of "her". It is always about my mom. So basically I have to live 2 lives. One to where I have to be "straight" around all my other family members, then the other to where i can just be myself, but I can never do anything right in my moms eyes, she is ashamed of me and "my choices". she thinks being gay is a choice.

Please help me. Please.
Jillian

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At Wiscon 20, a feminist science fiction convention, my friend Elise Matthesen did a program item called "Is Gender Real, or a Fetish?" She introduced herself as an alien temporarily stranded on Earth by a faulty starship drive, and asked the audience to explain gender to her.

Elise is good at this. No one got away with an airy generalization or an unexplained abstraction. When someone said that gender was socially constructed, she shot back, "You build 'em at parties?" We had' to use the simplest, most concrete language to get anything through at all.

In the course of an hour, we in the audience said that there are two genders, that there are several, and that there are very many. We explained that you're born with your gender, that you learn it early in life, and that it can change as you get older. We maintained that gender is readily visible to everyone, but also insisted that you never know what gender someone is until you ask.

If we want the aliens to understand us, we're going to have to do better.

Quote:

How did I feel when I found out my daughter was a lesbian? It's hard to say. It was a mixture of feelings. My first thought was that life will be difficult for her. She is different and so therefore she would suffer the consequences of being different: suspicion, fear and rejection by the so-called normal world.

She would carry a label: dangerous and contagious, stay away, protect yourself! This made me feel sad at first, then angry, then protective. How could I help my daughter? I decided to learn more about homosexuality. Why does it happen? Can it be cured? I later found out that the first question, to date, has no answer, the second is a fallacious one, because it is not a disease.

I read a lot, and that confused me. The opinions expressed by various authors, in some cases, differed drastically, based on their backgrounds and what they were trying to prove.

It was my daughter who directed my wife and me to Parents of Gays. It was then that I realized that I was not alone. The same feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and sorrow were shared by many. There was one feeling I did not share.

Some people were angry at their children for being homosexuals, since they felt that it had brought shame on them.

Since my daughter has told us she's a lesbian and my wife and I have learned more about sexual orientation, we have become much closer to our daughter. Prior to this, there were times when she seemed distant, unhappy, at times impatient with us.
This has all changed.

I could go on with many more details, but I think the statement my daughter made recently sums it all up: "Dad, I have never been as happy and relaxed as I am now that you know and understand."

Quote:

I will never forget that day. It was October 1998, just after my 29th birthday. My brother Tom had invited me down the pub the night before, in a brief and puzzling phone call. All he would say is he needed to talk to me about something important, no matter how I probed nothing more was forthcoming.

So there I sat, staring into my lager, waiting for my little brother.
To be honest, I suspected Tom wanted me to lend him money; he was always clubbing and buying new clothes. I often wondered how he could afford it on his part-time salary as a waiter.

He arrived late, as usual, with a lame excuse, as usual, and we made with the small chat, as usual. How is such and such, did you see the movie on the TV... Then without warning, Tom said 'Mark, I'm gay.'

I didn't know what to say, I mean what can you say to that?

I think all I could manage to say was an 'Ok' for the next 5 or so minutes. The first thing I can remember thinking is 'That explains a lot.' Tom was never a ‘normal’ person, always walking his own roads in life.

As a kid he had refused to play football with the other boys in the neighbourhood, instead preferring to play dress-ups with our sister and her friends. I always just accepted Tom for being Tom, without thinking about it.

I knew I had to say something, anything. ‘How long have you known?’ I asked, still very stunned. He replied he had always known. I guess I had too. ‘Who else knows?’ I asked. I was the only one from our family who knew, which didn’t surprise me.

That day we didn’t really say much else, I think we were both emotionally drained. Small talk somehow crept back into the conversation. We talked about TV shows, the weather, my car.
Shortly after, excuses were exchanged and we went our separate ways home.

I didn’t hear from Tom after that, which was unusual. So I decided to take it upon myself and call him.

A short time into a rather awkward phone conversation I took the bull by the horns ‘You know I don’t care that your gay don’t you.’ I said, hoping I wasn’t making a huge mistake. ‘Your sexuality means nothing to me. I just want you to be happy.’

Later that day we met at the pub. It was like the awkwardness never existed, we played pool, we laughed at stupid stories, we got so drunk we literally had to be carried to a taxi.

Basically like old times, like ‘nothing had changed’ I thought. Of course things had not changed, my brother just confided in me.
I felt special and I loved him more for trusting me.

When Tom came out to our parents, he asked me to be there for moral support, so I was of course.
We drove in my car, from Sydney to Newcastle. All the way I could tell Tom was ‘scared shitless’.
He didn’t talk much, which is out of character for Tom, who is usually the life of the party.
We all went inside sat down and Tom told them what he had to say.

They were stunned initially, but also, like me, deep down inside they knew this was Tom. Dad went pale for a few minutes, but after a few minutes was back to his normal self. Dad never really cared for what other people thought and always taught us to be true to ourselves.
I think he is proud of Tom, as we all are.

It takes so much courage to do this.
Mum went quiet but also in a few minutes was back to herself in no time, taking it in her stride. I think she knew better than anyone who Tom was.

We all knew to be happy Tom had to be himself, and if he is gay then he is gay. Simple. As usual, our parents love was unrelenting and they did nothing but make Tom feel loved and needed. We all ate dinner together and everything was great.

On the way home Tom was back to his old self. I could see in his eyes he had a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

Tom and I saw a lot more of each other after that. We would meet once or twice a week for a laugh and a beer at the pub. I managed to convince Tom to come to the cricket with me, which was a great time. Tom must be the only Australian not to know how to play cricket. He always makes me laugh like a fool.

After a few months, he told me he was involved with someone, and he wanted me to meet his new partner, Stuart.
I didn’t even know he was seeing anyone, but I can understand Tom wanting to take things a small step at a time, and waiting to tell me.

We all met at the infamous Pub, and as usual, everything was fine. No awkwardness, and to my relief, Stuart was great, a genuinely nice person.

When I saw them together, I knew in my heart of hearts Tom was happy, and that is all that matters to me.

That seems like it happened so long ago, but it was only 4 years ago. So much changed but nothing did.

Tom is still happily with Stuart, they just returned back in Australia from a 6 month holiday in England, and moved into a house around the corner from me.

My 3 year old daughter Desrae has two loving uncles who she adores to pieces, and my darling wife Jade is best of friends with both Tom and Stuart.
We are all planning to take a holiday together when Desrae is a little older. I want to visit Asia, but Tom wants to see South America.

Some things will never change, when everything else does.

Mark. Australia

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Resources and Further Reading

GLSEN - The Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network. Runs several events during the year.
PFLAG - Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
The National Coalition for LGBT Health
GLBT National Help Center - Offers peer counselors, provides a "safe environment" to discuss things if you feel isolated.
Change.org - Gives information about current struggles for rights and what's going on in the movement.
Gay Rights Watch - Another site with up-to-date information about the rights movement.
Transsexual.org - NOT the greatest site out there. Please don't take the results of their 'COGIATI' test seriously as it is not based in actual science and may be misleading. Has some good information.
All Mixed Up - Run by a transgendered psychology professor. Has some really great information.
AVEN - The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. Really and truly a fabulous resource.
Asexual Explorations - Asexual Explorations encourages the study of asexuality and has several professionally written papers and studies linked to.
The Gender Dysphoria Organization
Avitale.com - Written by a psychologist about Gender Dysphoria, sex reassignment surgery, and other issues involving transgender life and health.
WPATH - World Professional Organization for Transgender Health
Crossdressing Support - Addresses issues that crossdressers amy face, the psychology of crossdressing and transvestism, and other things.
Androgyne Online
GLBTQ.com
ISNA - Intersex Society of North America
Intersex Initative - A national activism and advocacy group for intersex people.
Transsexual Roadmap - A "travel guide" for your transition process. I have not actually read this, but it appears to be targeted at MTF transsexuals.
Homophobia Attitude Test--very interesting. I'd recommend that everyone takes a look.
Al-Fatiha - A group that promotes tolerance for GLBTQ in the Muslim community and works to aid GLBTQ Muslims.
The Advocate - A GLBTQ news site
Thread Formspring account for miscellaneous questions

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