Females and "bad boys"

[Laenis]

On another forum, there was a discussion about the whole idea that a lot of girls don't like nice guys, but "bad boys" - the type that only care about themselves, are agressive, dominant and subscribe to the philosophy of "Treat them mean, keep them keen"

I personally have no interest in girls who are like that - I would like to think I am a nice guy. I used to be more assertive and agressive, and it did get me more attention from females. However, I just wasn't as happy like that as I am being shy and reserved - it's not who I am. Anyway, I would be interested in knowing what other people think on a subject which also came up in the discussion - should females who pursue only what they regard as "real men" expect to be held at least a little accountable if they suffer from domestic violence?

I mean...is it a case of "If you play with matches, you'll get burned" or do you think that it's natural for the woman to be submissive and the man to be dominant, and therefore those who naturally prefer the more assertive types can't help it and shouldn't expect that they might get hurt?

[TPauSilver]

I don't think anything gives a man the right to beat a woman. Nothing. I'm sure she didn't pick him thinking "yay, I'm going to suffer domestic violence" and he didn't tell her "hey, I'm going to beat you". We believe the best in people so women don't believe thier SO will hit them, and when they do they blame themselves though it isn't their fault.

[Laenis]

TPauSilver

I don't think anything gives a man the right to beat a woman. Nothing. I'm sure she didn't pick him thinking "yay, I'm going to suffer domestic violence" and he didn't tell her "hey, I'm going to beat you". We believe the best in people so women don't believe thier SO will hit them, and when they do they blame themselves though it isn't their fault.

No one said the man had a right to beat her, or that it was deserved in any way.

However, when you get involved in a relationship with someone, you should really be able to make rational speculations about how it will progress. Some people are very good at hiding their agressive nature, and act like a saint in public and a demon in private. No woman should be held accountable if they date a normal guy and they turn out to be a wife beating b*****d.

On the other hand...if a woman openly admits she only goes for so called "real men", and likes being treated rough...maybe she should expect that the same sort of guys have a chance of acting that way more seriously and in ways they don't want?

[TPauSilver]

Laenis

TPauSilver

I don't think anything gives a man the right to beat a woman. Nothing. I'm sure she didn't pick him thinking "yay, I'm going to suffer domestic violence" and he didn't tell her "hey, I'm going to beat you". We believe the best in people so women don't believe thier SO will hit them, and when they do they blame themselves though it isn't their fault.

No one said the man had a right to beat her, or that it was deserved in any way.

However, when you get involved in a relationship with someone, you should really be able to make rational speculations about how it will progress. Some people are very good at hiding their agressive nature, and act like a saint in public and a demon in private. No woman should be held accountable if they date a normal guy and they turn out to be a wife beating b*****d.

On the other hand...if a woman openly admits she only goes for so called "real men", and likes being treated rough...maybe she should expect that the same sort of guys have a chance of acting that way more seriously and in ways they don't want?

If you're holding her responsible, you're blaming her. She is not responsible. Say you know you'r man goes out and gets into fights, that doesn't neceserily equate to beating you. You imagine he'd never do that to you because he loves you.

[Laenis]

TPauSilver

If you're holding her responsible, you're blaming her. She is not responsible. Say you know you'r man goes out and gets into fights, that doesn't neceserily equate to beating you. You imagine he'd never do that to you because he loves you.

I did not say responsible, I said accountable. There's a difference.

Look at it this way - A guy is walking down the street, minding his own buisness and out of nowhere a gang comes and beats him up, taking his wallet. That guy is in no way accountable for what happened to him.

Another guy is walking down the street, and sees a gang approach him. Whilst walking past them, he bumps into one by accident, and says "Why don't you watch where the hell you're going?" He then gets beaten up and his wallet taken.

The second guy is not responsible for what happened to him, as complaining about someone bumping into them would never warrant a beating. However, he did do something which was pretty stupid and in part brought the situation about himself. He is partly accountable for what happened.

In the same way, a girl who dates a nice guy who turns out to be a jackass which beats her is in no way accountable for what happened to her. However, a girl who actively pursues "bad boys" who have a reputation for violence then gets beaten has at least partly brought about a situation herself which if she had used a little rationality could have being easily avoided. She is partly accountable for what happened.

[Miss-dark8607]

I personally hate that F*cking point of view and I wish it would drop dead already but alas it still here. I want a guy who can cry, tell me what's on his mind, and learn with me. I want a guy that can at least read poetry and feel good about it. I want a guy who can take bubble bath, smell good, and keep his toes clean.

Damn is that too much to ask?

Yes? I know and if I guy has any of the above qualties OMG he's a freakin' f**! *runs away*

It worst when your a woman of color cause the men of color are program into the whole I have to BE a macho man crap. NO you should just be whatever hell kind of man you want to be, you cry, think and feel for yourself. Alas I don't live in a world like that. This is a girl hating society and we need to admit that.

Now as the year pass woman have become evil and bitter. Thus we have all these "I can't wait to F**k some dude up" type of women however that's a little off topic. Plus I'm sleepy and I will most likely come back to this topic and edit it. Till then I guess I should say you're right to a point a lot of girl like that type of guy just because society makes it so. People really don't have a sense of willpower we say we do but we don't. We get programmed really easily and as such we are damn to make stupid choices. Yeah I think this is what I want to say for now.

I'm going to bed.

[Twistex]

Chalk it up to inherent, hard-wired behavior.

The female of the species will look for the dominant, aggressive male in a tribe. Those who the other males tend to avoid, because of our evolutionary roots. A stronger presence illicits appeal in a strong body, and therefore, stronger children. While this doesn't really hold true anymore, it's something left over from our base isntincts.

Now, we've all developed into a much more society-based mammal, and a lot of us have overcome these basic instinctual drives. However, when looking at the younger members of our race, you'll see that they are inexperienced in the "mating situation", and revert to base instinct, Seking a dominant, alpha-male type figure.

You also have to look at the male systems we have. if you're more inward, shy, and quiet, you get labeled as weak. How the people around you treat you will effect how the women in your social circles, or even outside of those circles, view you.

Then, if you take it a step further, and view a cultural influence, you'll see a lot of heritage of strong-willed, aggressive male behavior. Especially in the spanish/latin and african-american cultures. It's prevalent in the caucasians, too.. But slightly more visible in the latin/african american cutures we get exposed to, specifically in media.

[Yellow-M]

I have noticed that women go for pretty boy loners. It's a credit to their stupidity if they stay with them and they turn out to be no good.

Us nice guys like girls that go for dangerous guys, so we're just as stupid and generally never learn either.

[PuchikoFreako]

I hate guys like that, who try to act all cool, and don't do their work, and goof off all the time. I don't know why other girls would like guys like that. I definatly like guys who are sweet and romantic.... heart

[HollyWog]

I hate women like that and it makes me sad to be a woman. They give us all a bad name.

I would not waste a minute of my time with a guy like that. Because it is a waste of time. They don't want to grow up and get jobs and get married and have kids. The last two may not bother you but the first two will when you're working 3 jobs to support your jerkoff boyfriend's overzelous smoking and drinking and paying for all his friends to do so as well to boot.

I don't condone abusive relationships at all but I honestly think any woman stupid enough to get in a relationship with a guy like that, let alone to stay around if it wasn't clear enough at first, deserves whatever she gets.

[Crimson Eyed Angel]

Miss-dark8607

I personally hate that F*cking point of view and I wish it would drop dead already but alas it still here. I want a guy who can cry, tell me what's on his mind, and learn with me. I want a guy that can at least read poetry and feel good about it. I want a guy who can take bubble bath, smell good, and keep his toes clean.

Damn is that too much to ask?

Yes? I know and if I guy has any of the above qualties OMG he's a freakin' f**! *runs away*

It worst when your a woman of color cause the men of color are program into the whole I have to BE a macho man crap. NO you should just be whatever hell kind of man you want to be, you cry, think and feel for yourself. Alas I don't live in a world like that. This is a girl hating society and we need to admit that.

Now as the year pass woman have become evil and bitter. Thus we have all these "I can't wait to F**k some dude up" type of women however that's a little off topic. Plus I'm sleepy and I will most likely come back to this topic and edit it. Till then I guess I should say you're right to a point a lot of girl like that type of guy just because society makes it so. People really don't have a sense of willpower we say we do but we don't. We get programmed really easily and as such we are damn to make stupid choices. Yeah I think this is what I want to say for now.

I'm going to bed.

I totally agree, that's why we hav emo boys! Except ones at my school are mostly posers along with the emo girls.

[lawrence620]

idk, i think girls like that coz they think it's manly haha, but i'm the shy type so... idk XD

[Hard_Gay]

I think you're taking the "bad boy" analogy too far. It's one thing to be interested in a man who is confident, aloof, and seems to have a tendancy to openly scorn the rules of soxiety. It's completely different to invite domestic abuse. And if you think domestic abuse only occurs in households where men have the "bad boy" mentality... well, you're very misinformed. You're just stereotyping them.

[Laenis]

Hard_Gay

I think you're taking the "bad boy" analogy too far. It's one thing to be interested in a man who is confident, aloof, and seems to have a tendancy to openly scorn the rules of soxiety. It's completely different to invite domestic abuse. And if you think domestic abuse only occurs in households where men have the "bad boy" mentality... well, you're very misinformed. You're just stereotyping them.

It's not inviting abuse, but one thing leads to another. If a person advertises the fact they are agressive and domineering, you should maybe consider the possibility they are agressive towards people they are in relationships with.

As I said, not all dometic abuse is committed by bad boy types - hell a lot of it is committed by women, although some like to pretend it isn't. On the other hand it's far more likely to come from people who do openly act like that.

[Zenevierra]

Maybe some girls like agressive types, but I'm a sucker for the shy silly types heart ... I am a leader-person and like to take charge, if my boyfriend would be the smae I would end up killing him, i guess razz .... Some girls seek protection and want strong bad boys....