What I have learned from C&T.

[psychic stalker]

Scriptkitten

MyNameIsKir

Scriptkitten

I think it's better if I stay away. I upset people, and I get upset every time I go in there, why suffer through the mutual misery if it can be avoided. ._.

I can't believe I'm the one saying this since avoidance is my usual policy, but you'll never fix the problem if you avoid it. I'll be flat. You have a personality issue that's harmful to yourself and others.

I don't know, it seems to be working so far. Fewer people to talk to == fewer that have to deal with me. I don't want to make others miserable anymore.

That's very unproductive, and definitely doesn't work. I've tried it. It's a waste.

[Scriptkitten]

psychic stalker

Scriptkitten

MyNameIsKir

Scriptkitten

I think it's better if I stay away. I upset people, and I get upset every time I go in there, why suffer through the mutual misery if it can be avoided. ._.

I can't believe I'm the one saying this since avoidance is my usual policy, but you'll never fix the problem if you avoid it. I'll be flat. You have a personality issue that's harmful to yourself and others.

I don't know, it seems to be working so far. Fewer people to talk to == fewer that have to deal with me. I don't want to make others miserable anymore.

That's very unproductive, and definitely doesn't work. I've tried it. It's a waste.

Better than the alternative of annoying everyone to hell and back ._.

Unrelated, 3G sucks balls. I somehow chewed through 5GB of 4G data already... ._.
Been trying to download the update to this damn game all freaking day. And I keep disconnecting somehow, which is even worse...

[psychic stalker]

Scriptkitten

psychic stalker

Scriptkitten

MyNameIsKir

Scriptkitten

I think it's better if I stay away. I upset people, and I get upset every time I go in there, why suffer through the mutual misery if it can be avoided. ._.

I can't believe I'm the one saying this since avoidance is my usual policy, but you'll never fix the problem if you avoid it. I'll be flat. You have a personality issue that's harmful to yourself and others.

I don't know, it seems to be working so far. Fewer people to talk to == fewer that have to deal with me. I don't want to make others miserable anymore.

That's very unproductive, and definitely doesn't work. I've tried it. It's a waste.

Better than the alternative of annoying everyone to hell and back ._.

They will still be annoyed about something, irrespective of what you do.

That's their problem, not yours.

[Scriptkitten]

psychic stalker

Scriptkitten

psychic stalker

Scriptkitten

MyNameIsKir

Scriptkitten

I think it's better if I stay away. I upset people, and I get upset every time I go in there, why suffer through the mutual misery if it can be avoided. ._.

I can't believe I'm the one saying this since avoidance is my usual policy, but you'll never fix the problem if you avoid it. I'll be flat. You have a personality issue that's harmful to yourself and others.

I don't know, it seems to be working so far. Fewer people to talk to == fewer that have to deal with me. I don't want to make others miserable anymore.

That's very unproductive, and definitely doesn't work. I've tried it. It's a waste.

Better than the alternative of annoying everyone to hell and back ._.

They will still be annoyed about something, irrespective of what you do.

That's their problem, not yours.

In any case, it's been made clear I'm not wanted there anymore. I can't really change who I am to suit them... So for everyone's happiness I'll stay out. Surely it's less depressing in there now?

Just need to find something else to do with this sudden influx of free time. >_>;

[psychic stalker]

Scriptkitten

In any case, it's been made clear I'm not wanted there anymore. I can't really change who I am to suit them... So for everyone's happiness I'll stay out.

That is so self-centered...

No one asked you to change who you are. All we want is for you to stop whinging about your failures and being such a deliberate failure. You can be more than you are, and you're deliberately choosing to hold yourself back, and then you have the gall to complain to us that you're such a ******** failure.

That's why you were banned. We're sick of you being so self-important about how useless you think you are.

[The20]

Scriptkitten

psychic stalker

Scriptkitten

psychic stalker

Scriptkitten

I don't know, it seems to be working so far. Fewer people to talk to == fewer that have to deal with me. I don't want to make others miserable anymore.

That's very unproductive, and definitely doesn't work. I've tried it. It's a waste.

Better than the alternative of annoying everyone to hell and back ._.

They will still be annoyed about something, irrespective of what you do.

That's their problem, not yours.

In any case, it's been made clear I'm not wanted there anymore. I can't really change who I am to suit them... So for everyone's happiness I'll stay out. Surely it's less depressing in there now?

Just need to find something else to do with this sudden influx of free time. >_>;

Learn something, think of a program that you would like to have a write it.
Friendly reminder: start planning before you start writing. I have a train wreck of a half-working (working enough for me to use it more or less regularly, though) program that's been in this state for years because i couldn't bother to fix the underlying design issues that came up after i redesigned the GUI and other parts 5 times because i never had a clear idea just what i wanted this thing to look and work like.
In the process of designing the successor. Will be written from scratch (in another language, too). Going very slow.

I have low self esteem, too, but this is why i like software: it's perfect for trial and error because the worst thing that'll happen is you waste some time. But i'd waste my time anyways, so the situation really can only improve.

[Scriptkitten]

psychic stalker

I'm not trying to sound self-centered. It just feels like no one wants to talk to me unless I'm all 'happy sunshine'.

The20

I don't know how much you know about the situation, but me trying to write a program is indirectly what got everyone mad at me in the first place >_>;
I try to do something, have an idea of how I want some of it to work, so try to start that part. But then I have no bloody idea how the rest is supposed to even begin. My grasp of logic only goes so far. So when I can't understand what people are trying to tell me, they get annoyed and so do I. Eventually it got to the point where all I'd get was "you already know how to do it". But I don't. If I did it would be done already and I'd be past it.
Instead I've got nothing done and probably got a good 20 people mad at me ._.

[psychic stalker]

Scriptkitten

psychic stalker

I'm not trying to sound self-centered. It just feels like no one wants to talk to me unless I'm all 'happy sunshine'.

No one ever said that.

We want to help you. We want you to succeed at these little projects.

But what is upsetting us is that you seem to act as if you don't want our help, that you apparently don't want to make an effort to understand programming, and all you seem to do is complain about it.

If you'd stop complaining and acting like you're stupid and can't do anything right (which is a damned lie that you need to stop telling yourself), you wouldn't be banned. What you're saying about yourself is the worst kind of lie, and it needs to stop.

[MyNameIsKir]

Scriptkitten, imagine that someone you love always verbally put themselves down. Wouldn't you want to stop them? We do care about you. We want to help. But it's upsetting when you put yourself down. Then, after awhile, it's both upsetting and annoying. We care about you. Don't do that to us, but especially don't do that to yourself. A lot of people care about you not out of pity but because you're an amazing girl with amazing potential. I had dinner last weekend with this guy who makes money by starting and selling startups. He choked on his bread in surprise when I told him about the girl who built a virtual pet website on an iPod touch.

[Scriptkitten]

psychic stalker

...seriously? When did I imply I didn't want the help? Why would I go in there every damn day and bother people if I didn't want the help, if I didn't want to understand? It's not that at all. For whatever reason I just can't comprehend anything, and it's better I stay out and quit being a pest. (I can't remember Daeken's exact requirements if I ever wanted to come back without risking a permaban anyway, so I'll save him the hassle of banning me at all.)

MyNameIsKir

Don't go telling people about me! That's embarrassing in ways I can't even describe. I choked in surprise too when I read this and not in the good way, please don't do that! burning_eyes

I can't really help my tendencies. I don't enjoy being this way, but it's all know, spent my whole life being told to do better, parents never supported me, yadda yadda. I could go on a tangent about how I have nothing to show for my effort and how I can't even show anyone these useless things I do (since I'm technically not even supposed to be online in the first place), but it's late here and no one cares to read that anyway I'm sure. I'm going to bed before I start having bad thoughts again.

[psychic stalker]

Scriptkitten

...seriously? When did I imply I didn't want the help?

Right the ******** here:

Scriptkitten

I can't really help my tendencies. I don't enjoy being this way, but it's all know, spent my whole life being told to do better, parents never supported me, yadda yadda. I could go on a tangent about how I have nothing to show for my effort and how I can't even show anyone these useless things I do (since I'm technically not even supposed to be online in the first place), but it's late here and no one cares to read that anyway I'm sure.

RIGHT THE ******** THERE.

"I can't this" and "nothing to show that." That's precisely what I'm talking about.

You're telling yourself you're useless, which is a ******** lie, and then complaining that you can't change, which is a ******** LIE.

Grow the ******** up. You can do these things, and you keep telling yourself these ******** LIES and then you ******** whine to us about how you can't ******** do anything.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE IN THIS RUT? It's because you keep ******** TELLING YOURSELF that you can't do anything, and then you don't. STOP ******** WHINING ABOUT THAT. YOU'RE LYING TO YOURSELF.

Now I'm going to stop posting about this, because this is pissing me off and I need to sleep.

[MyNameIsKir]

Scriptkitten

Don't go telling people about me! That's embarrassing in ways I can't even describe. I choked in surprise too when I read this and not in the good way, please don't do that! burning_eyes

I can't really help my tendencies. I don't enjoy being this way, but it's all know, spent my whole life being told to do better, parents never supported me, yadda yadda. I could go on a tangent about how I have nothing to show for my effort and how I can't even show anyone these useless things I do (since I'm technically not even supposed to be online in the first place), but it's late here and no one cares to read that anyway I'm sure. I'm going to bed before I start having bad thoughts again.

You CAN help your tendencies. And I know this personally, because my story mirrors yours. It's scary and it frightens me. Not only my past but also our similarities. Do me a favor and PM me, or shoot me a message on IRC when you come back and I pop up as "KirIsMobile"

Those voices in your head, that super ego, it never goes away. It'll never stop telling you why you can't do things. But you're stronger than that. You have such great potential. I even believe that you're better than me. You wrote and drew a very excellent virtual pet app from an iPod. Do you know how amazing that is?

I won't keep telling people about you, but I'm not sorry. You're amazing. How can I not talk about you? The only person holding you back is you. You should be the one telling people.

[Scriptkitten]

MyNameIsKir

Thanks, but I'd rather not annoy anyone else. I think I'll take my leave from this thread too. I shouldn't have brought my drama here and for that I apologize to everyone here.

Please don't tell people about me. It's embarrassing and makes me want to die in a fire rather than feel complimented. Maybe I'm weird, but that's how I feel about it. Please don't do it.

[The20]

Scriptkitten

MyNameIsKir

Thanks, but I'd rather not annoy anyone else. I think I'll take my leave from this thread too. I shouldn't have brought my drama here and for that I apologize to everyone here.

Please don't tell people about me. It's embarrassing and makes me want to die in a fire rather than feel complimented. Maybe I'm weird, but that's how I feel about it. Please don't do it.

You sound like you need a hug. Or maybe a cookie. I don't know, i'm not good with this social stuff sweatdrop

As for your earlier reply, i don't know anything about the situation, strictly speaking, i was just trying to construct an image of the situation from the replies in this thread and what little i could gather from your behavior (as far as that is observable trough posts in an online forum).
At first i though i could see some of my own issues in your behavior, but your issues appear to be so much worse than mine, its not funny anymore. I guess i have the advantage of having developed a cynical approach to many a thing, even if i do come of as optimistic most of the time.

Seriously, though, this defeatist behavior isn't healthy. You should consider professional help.

[MyNameIsKir]

In other news...

I hate doing training projects in groups. Either I'm doing all the work for the group while everyone sits around watching me (though at least they ask questions about what I'm doing), or else I do most of the work, realize it's a group project, apologize, feel awful, then sit around cringing because I want to just finish up the project already and the group is working very inefficiently and is far from done.

Thank goodness for nap rooms, various toys and games laying around the building, and other forms of entertainment available to me. I'd have jumped out of the window in boredom or started slapping people with yoga mats if it weren't for those things.