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Comments (1 Comments)
- Summer Fallwinterspring - 09/26/2008
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It was pretty good up until the astericks. Cut them out. Also, you used some words twice- "silky," for one, and you used "fly" two times in one sentence. Also, you need a comma after "I'll be back soon." In fact, there are several places that you need commas, and I think you need to go into physical description of the landscape.
PS- if you delete this because you simply do not like my critiques, I will be very angry indeed. It is the mark of a poor writer to not listen to other people's ideas - Report As Spam