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Shrimp Toast's Thoughts Read At Your Own Risk!
So as I sit here feeling like the worst person in the world I am thinking....which for me isn't really a normal thing...honestly....I mean I am not saying Im dumb I am just saying that I dont think before I do things I am very out spoken....but I guess thats ok when you have friends that love you.. xd But besides that I sit here and wonder why I am here and why does it feel like I came as such a BAD person... now before you go getting ideas I do not sleep with numerous people I do NOT kill people my meaning is more of a hurting people's feelings and not knowing that I did......I know thats a normal thing you know everybody does it every once in a while but when you do it all the time it starts getting wierd......Okay have you ever loved someone so much that no matter how much you try you just have to let them go?........I have......because I guess you can say that I am afraid of commitment it wouldnt be the first time......thats pretty sad huh? Well maybe its true.......I guess I would rather have a guy be with me for a little while and have him hurt me then have someone that you have loved for a while hurt you.....I guess you can say all my life I have been tossed around by people that really don't care......It's horrible if it hasnt happened to you....you are so god damn lucky..(excuse mouth if you are christian or something). Anyways well I have hurt so many people not physically but mentally by just saying simple words like" You don't deserve to breathe,you probably were put on this earth as a mistake!!!" and thats not just to somebody that hates me.....Thats to someone who would probably die for me.....but I cant help it......Its so hard to have someone like me so much that they would give up anything in the world for me.....and I guess thats what I am scared of......I mean I am not talking to my best friend or my family I am talking to all the guys that have been through that....because they wouldnt have to do anything but just say that they love me and then it just triggers it.......and i can't stand it I don't know why.....well thats how I have been feeling....until i met the one person I could actually feel that way back....but now I am too scared because he was my EVERYTHING and now I have to let him go.....it seems like all that I do is wether wrong or.......wrong......but I knew it was to good to be true.....because then what gets in the way of all this compassion....a little word but with a lot of meaning "L.O.V.E" well thats because I am SO scared to love anyone anymore.......then everything adds up parents,school,other guys....its all just coming down on me and there is no other way to go other then to just GIVE UP......and I hate giving up because I am not a quitter.....IM NOT...btu it seems like thats all that I am doing and yeah I could sit here and go on for hours but the thing that sucks is probably most people dont want to hear all this and second a girl needs to sleep and maybe in the morning this will all just be gone my whole feelings and everything will just be gone....but......I wish it was that easy but guess what......its not so maybe just maybe.....who am I kidding I am sleep deprived....thinking that just magic can take these feelings all away.....but anyways I got to go to sleep y'all good night Love you guys night night sweatdrop
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