It seems that I'm not allowed to touch my brother's violin now. I have no idea why, and I'm not entirely sure I want to know why, but I'm not, as mandated by the wonderful orchestra instructor at the high school and middle school. And all I can think of that I've done wrong was inform my brother that his violin desperately needed tuning, and Nolan's the one that told me that. Perhaps you can ask her why I'm not allowed to touch it Nolan. It was your idea for me to practice and learn and then join the orchestra. It's a pity really, I probably would have sounded so much better on a properly tuned violin. I thought I was doing well for having only played 3 times and having no formal instruction available to me. In fact, I had no instruction at all, save a method book that I took from my brother.
And at the risk of offending Nolan on his teacher's behalf, she seems as bad as the band teacher at the high school at this point. She's never met me, has never heard me play, never watched me handle an instrument, and does not know me, and yet she demands that I not try to learn so that I can join her orchestra. You can tell me how it feels, Nolan, to be in trouble with a teacher that seemingly hates me, probably because I'm not in their band or orchestra.
At any rate, I feel like worthless trash, and I currently hate myself for ever thinking I was ever going to be able to play an instrument as beautiful as the violin. I hope she's happy to know that I no longer have any inclination to play the violin, even though I've always wanted to. But it seems that my fate is to be disregarded before I'm given a chance to prove myself. I suppose I should just resign myself to my fate and get used to being brushed off.
Is it wrong to feel like this at an age where you should be happy, having fun, and trying new things? I'm only fifteen; I feel that it's a bit heartless to shoot me down before I even get started. I'm no Abby or Manda, but I could have gotten better. I was willing to try, which is more than most teenagers are willing to do. I just don't know at the moment. I'll probably learn the damn violin anyway, just to spite her, so I can laugh in her face when I'm finally able to play decently.
And Nolan, if you can figure out what I did that was so terrible that I'm not even allowed to touch it, that would be nice to know. And if you want me to play in the orchestra next year, you'll have to find a way to convince her otherwise. Unless, of course, my brother is just full of s**t, then you could find out that and let me know. I've been successfully depressed by this incident, and I think I'm going to go curl up in a ball and wait for sleep to take me.
Guten nacht. Ich will heute morgen dich sehen. (I think that's how it's done. If not, I'm sorry and it should say, "I will see you tomorrow morning." Forgive my poor Deutsch.)
Enjoy the quote:
"Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it."
from a poem by Emily Dickenson
Good night, lovelies.
...And ends when the only idea left is power.
