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1st off, RIP Stephen Hawking.

now that said, I was just thinking about my last relationship where I actually tried. I had got her flowers, bought her a $200 charm bracelet with my 1st ever check, did little things like getting her food just to get her food, let her have an entire cake to herself that she ate on my lap while we watched movies, spent every special event or holiday with her and her family instead of my own, let her use my money to get things, I would tell her she was pretty every single day we were together and meant it, tolled her i loved her enough to just let her know but not enough to annoy her, respected her dislike of kissing to spite that i like it, gave her space to do her work and tried to be there when she needed me, I even got my uncle to drive me 3 hour all the way up to see her and surprise her, all in all i just tried to be the best i could be for her even act dumb so she felt like she was being helpful and useful. but i did notice when she moved away and i wasnt with her every moment of every day she stopped loving me. when i had no money and no income she gave up. then when she saw me lose my temper, she left and blamed me for everything. she treated me like a dog, like i was something to be looked after and follow commands, so i became that for her until i just couldnt any more. I forgave her for all the times she talked down to me, all the times she spoke as thou she pitied me, everything and then returned all the poor treatment with good treatment. i never once called her a name, i never insulted her, i never said a word to make her feel dumb or bad, i gave her all the support in the world and she still acted like i was a burden with the few things i just couldnt do. she would get me the food when i was at her place but id get her food when she was here. she was nervous around my patents and wouldnt leave my room and i had full conversations with her family, and i mean all her family. aunts, uncles, cousins, and grand parents. the first time i ever was at her place i met 40 people in 1 go. she wouldnt even try to get to know my mom and dad. she somehow expected me to go to the kitchen on my crutches to get her plate of food and my plate of food. i could do it but still. then id have to get her a drink and myself a drink. and dont get me started on how picky she was with her food. at her place she would eat it all, here she would eat a 3ed and whine about the rest. then she would get hungry and want me to magically get her food when we barely had food to begin with.

she wanted the world given to her on a silver platter and a boyfriend with the perfect physical body and would do exactly what she demanded. she got a guy who gave her all he had, loved her with all the pieces of his broken heart and sole, borderline worshiped her and just wanted a little compaction in return, and that wasn't enough.

now i just want to be right, strengthen myself. maybe ill get a girl who wont be so demanding one day. who will love me and not be so close minded. who wont walk away and give up on others so easy. and most of all someone who sees the consequences of there actions, how she effects others. but in this world women are so ridiculously privileged that they expect more and more from a possible suitor and I just will never live up to it.


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