man betrayed me once again. asked him to NOT go after her and date her. told her to tell me if anything happened and confronted them about it. both lied and hit it. now id have been fine if they both just went out and told me, that'd be fine. but this? its like he threw all the things in my face about how i haven't been his friend in a long time, that i never message him first. no HE hasn't been a friend in a long time. i stopped going to him a very long time ago for my issues cuz all he ever did was rub it in my face. but the second he messages about needing or wanting me there, id drop everything and show up 3am in a snowstorm and still get swept under the mat.
one time we made plans for new years. that same year i was going threw a ton of breakup and relationship junk and needed my best friend. i walked 2 hours to his place in the snow and caught him leaving to go to his other friends. he was going to cancel on me when i needed him the most last min. every time i needed him he would take off and id have to fend for myself so i stopped relying on him.
however when he needed me, i was there. always. he dated his cousin, hid it from his parents and confided in me. i was there keeping the secret. she was sleeping with the father of her kid and told him they weren't doing anything, i was there helping him get through it. he started pretty much living with his one girl, he came to my place every free day so he could get away from his parents and his gfs place. i was there for him every time regardless. he got his gf pregnant and his parents were telling him to get an abortion and he didnt want to, i supported his choice because he needed someone to have his back as he came to me at 2am heartbroken. she had a miscarriage and he was devastated, i was there for him that night to. they broke up and he had to deal wit the backlash and guilt trips she put him through, i was there all that time. he went through bad choices and collapsed on himself and started to judge me on every choice i made because he didnt want to admit he was making all the wrong choices and needed to lash out at the only one that would stick through it all for him, in spite of all the things he said to me, about me, and everything, i let him back into my life time and time again. some of the things hes said to me, no one deserves that, no one would have stood my someone who said that. but i did.
now, he said i havnt been a friend? when? when i didnt message him first after he tore me apart for not drinking, smoking, or doing drugs? like it was some sort of problem with me, like i was judging him and everyone else that did. or when he refused to talk to me or be my friend because the girl he was with took what i said poorly. the statement was, "i like playing games with you." she took it as, "i like playing games with only him, not you 2.". or how about every time he acted like i was mooching off him? you know why i never asked him to go to the movies or hang out? because he said no every time and i gave up. and when he did hang out he would pay for things if i couldnt, but i didnt want to force him to do that all the time and after he threw it in my face, i stopped saying yes or ever asking him anywhere.
because his ex didnt like my comment, he wasn't there when my mom was in the hospital. he has never been there at any of my big losses. not once. every family member i lost or almost lost, nope. my mom was in critical and who was there? nick and sierra. my ex cheated on me and it was devastating, jamie was there. dwights passing, i was alone to deal with. all other family members i had no one to turn to. relationships that fell through, jamie and rob, every time. 1st people i went to for years because he would throw it in my face and act like it was bound to fail. had a girl for near 3 years, trying to get him to meet her. not once did he because he was to busy with his relationship and i wasn't important enough. hes ditched me more times to count, hes stabbed me in the back more ways than i knew where possible, and he deserves every bit of the life hes in.
he acts like I'm a monster, like i hurt him somehow, like i neglected him because i tried to make friends, have things to do, got a job and a girl and friends that care about me that aren't him. hec at one point i had to have a single day open to play games with him and his gf every week. i didnt get any heads up when out of nowhere they stopped. i had things going on in my life, trying so hard to pull myself out of depression and pain and he acted like i was the problem. i had my own demons and pain and was alone in so much of it and it was all throw in my face.
you what to know why im writing this and posting this. because im not going to cover for him any more. im not going to keep his secrets or lies anymore. he is abusive as a friend in every meaning of the word. no one should have to live with him around like that. and if thats how he is toward me, i can't imagine how he has been to others or in relationships.