I'm sorry... I havent really been around much I'm.. Tired. I haven't been sleeping much... Been drinking a lot, I hate drinking.. I'm exhausted. It's almost been a week since he went missing and I really didnt need to lose another person close to me.
I want to just... Go to bed and not wake up to be honest. I dont know how to go about things anymore. I am trying to stay energetic and peppy and happy. So far, No one has really had any red flags go off from hearing about me drinking, No one seems to know its insanely out of character for me to stoop to alcohol but. I guess that is good. No one's worrying about me which is good.
I have been lost to contemplation, What if he never comes home? Will I ever see my brother again? Is he lost some where alone? Is he laying dead somewhere..? Why didn't Dad bring him home? Where did they go? Where is my brother? Please bring my brother home.. I'm so scared.. I'm so so scared. I have been over working myself, I'm making myself physically ill.. I havent been able to keep any food down lately Im just so scared.. I keep working to distract myself.. Just gotta keep doing things to distract myself. The worst that will happen is that I will either collapse from exhaution or I'll fall over from working myself to death. Its okay. I wont be too missed.
I am happy no one is worried about me. I don't want others to worry. If they worry they will be sad. I'll just.. keep being happy and brushing it off as just a little flu or a cold and they wont care im sick.
No more nonsence today..
· Sat Aug 05, 2017 @ 01:04am · 0 Comments