Its been one full year since my Grandfather passed away at 88 years of age.
Today I went to his grave for the very first time since the funeral.
I was suppose to have a few people go with me because I had a rough idea on how it would affect me.
Everyone who was suppose to go with me either got busy, forgot or straight up bailed on me.
I ended up going alone.
Going alone was the most painful thing in the world. I felt alone and abandoned, hell i still feel like that even after i've been home an hour.
I feel like in the moments that im going through some of the most painful and yet most important moments in my life that I have no one to comfort me through it.
When i got to the cemetary the grave marker was missing.
I cried to the point i threw up and on my walk home i fell about six times cause my stupid bad leg kept giving out.
It wasn't nice at all.
I haven't slept in like... threeee?? days?
I dont feel well.
Today was hell and gods I feel so... so alone right now.
I miss my Grandfather with every passing day.
Every day is a struggle to remind myself that Grandpa would want me to keep living.
I don't know how to handle my emotions..
I need like.. A hug.. Cake or a bullet to the face jfc,
I need a catholic priest to let me talk about this to so I can be forgiven by a god i dont believe in
· Wed Jun 20, 2018 @ 04:09am · 0 Comments