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Get my song reference?
It's fine..
I had a strange dream today.
I was in this strange village..or community. I remember seeing a dead cat. It was sad. Then I was watching another cat go to it and picked up with it's mouth. He walked right by me and then collapsed and died. I started to cry for them and I cried even more when a man picked them both up and shoved them into someone's mailbox. He was a half dressed man. I was still crying, just standing there until a policeman caught him and took him away. Then I stopped crying. My friend, Cheyanne, was there with me.
We walked around for a while unitl the place was closing. I remember watching people leave. I didn't want to..everything was so still and quiet there. I was forced out by a group of people. It seemed like everyone else was around my age, 17, or slightly older. So, still with Cheyanne, I walked into this little area where we were faced with a robot, kind of Bioshock looking. Everyone was forced to dance or else it'd come extremely close and nearly knock us out. I hate dancing and it's still embarassing to do so in a dream with random people, so I sneaked behind it and left.
Next thing I know, I wake up, still in the dream, of a random family in a hotel room, holding my bear. I'm on the floor. That family was very rude and they kept mistakening me for a maid so I ran away, down a messy hallway.
When I got outside, I found my friend, Emily, and started to walk around that little town. I found her mom waiting for us in a car wearing an airplane pilot's uniform, which was strange because she's a manager for an apartment, and she was driving a taxi. I didn't want to leave that place, so I ran again.
I started walking with a guy who mistakened me for someone and tagged along anyways. He wasn't Alex, someone who doesn't exist..but I remember wishing he was. I just knew he wasn't.
The thing about that dream is that the whole feeling of that dream was so unreal. This is probably normal, but it's something I'm not used to. I always believe my dreams, even if just for a second. I didn't believe any of that dream, even though I was there. From the moment I cried at the sight of that dead cat. It was a crappy feeling, the whole realization of it all. That it was all a dream. I knew all that but I didn't leave it. I didn't wake up. I just wandered through that strange little town. Looking.
I suppose I was looking for Alex.
Who am I kidding?
Of course I was.
That's all I ever look around for. In my reality and in my dreams. Because I'm a silly little girl who still believes in a prince. I know it's not gonna happen..but then again, I'll never know.
I just took a long hard look at my reality, what's in front of me..my surroundings..and, for once, I can't hide in my dreams. I can't escape to my fantasies. My own worlds. That's my awareness.
I don't know if anyone can realize my desperation. Choking me.
The thing is..I may be down, but I'm not gonna stop dreaming because of the possibilities that might not occur. I'm just ranting.
Because it feels better when I express it in some way that won't depress me. Maybe I'm just being boring.
"Beating like a hammer"..you can interpret it anyway you want.
That's my head and heart.