well i had a great night last night my room mate gave me an option of either a build a bear or going to a nice restaurant i was hungry (like always) so i chose the restaurant we pulled up in the parking lot and all i could see for restaurants was a big glowing muttler's sign (strip joint) i am shocked at this, but ok with it we get out of the car and walk in the opposite direction to a restaurant called "Number 4" it was a very nice place food was a bit pricey, but i was not buying i felt kinda silly in my casual clothes and could not decide what to order by the end of the night we had built up a bill of over 50 bucks, at least of what i could count he would not let me see the receipt it was a good meal
today my day continued to be good i had the song "lucky twice" stuck in my head i like that song i sang it in my head about 50 times and out loud about 5 times
towards the end of work i was feeling philosophical and decided to write "The vicarious souls of the transcendentalists epitomize humanity" yah that was a fun thought simply stated "People who think they are above it all like to watch others, but this is a characteristic found in most people and in how people try to interact humanely"
so yah i think that was all i needed to write now time to check out my friend's journal that they really want me to read and see how my attitude changes
i will post my reaction in here as soon as i am done reading
http://www.gaiaonline.com/journal/journal.php?mode=view&post_id=32142653&u=27286501
ha looks like i put the right header line on this journal i knew he was going to make me feel bad about myself make all the work that i have been trying to do over the last few days feel like nothing remind me that i will probably never be happy he makes me feel just great about myself biggrin i know i am not perfect, but yah i have been trying to improve myself i have been trying financially and self focused first i have to do that for myself before i can start trying to want something that i don't want anymore I am glad that i was able to give him ambition to better himself good to know i am shallow, i try not to be, but i guess i can't fight it the day after i broke up with him a large part of the stress that i was going through went away i was able to focus on myself and getting my own stuff done but now that is not working anymore
dang after reading that, i don't really feel like working anymore shame it needs to be done tomorrow i guess i really don't care about it now i don't need to be reliable or get anything done to make myself feel good or to make others think they can depend on me
then again i am so worthless right now i cant even get a hold of an employer that was trying to hire me i don't think there is any hope for me
no i am not going to text you, i feel sick and i don't want to you have made me feel bad enough about myself and i don't need a phone call to further that
Fay Da Way · Wed Sep 01, 2010 @ 05:35am · 0 Comments |