Hard to believe that it has been 4 years. I came back to this sight to try to fulfil a craving of internet socializing. But man it feels so different, or maybe it feels the same and I am feeling the reason I left. My RP thread looked a lot better than I remembered it turning out. The mpt has still not hot a million pages, even though it had basically exponential growth for a while. The inflation of prices on everything has gone insane, but there must be some game thing that makes it all reasonable. So many things. And now I see this past journal entry and it brings me to tears. I am happy with the person who I am now with, but I have missed this passed guy unreasonably strongly, and I fear I will never stop missing him. How different could my life had been. But then again we have both moved on. I am completely in love with my fiance. Maybe these memories were ment to be left behind. I have a jar full of scraps of paper, each with a memory written on it. I felt if I wrote it down, I could let go of the pain in my mind because I could always access it later, maybe make an art piece out of it. But there is a big difference between dull gnawing depression, and giant spikes of emotional pain forcing upon myself to 're feel the memories. Why can't I burn all of those little pieces of paper, nobody would stop me. There is no reason to delve into that part of my mind. But as the useless person I am, self pitty is one of my favorite things to do. Oh how I am the victim of this world where I was given everything and only have to make a step forward to seceded. Time wasted, and wasted again in memorence of the waste. The world is a rainbow of opportunity, and I sit in the pot of gold drowning in my own feces.
Fay Da Way · Mon Sep 28, 2015 @ 05:51am · 0 Comments |