my feeling of love is as warped as my perception of reality, always changing and never quite right my emotions are a roller coaster, I will love somebody and long to be with them one minute and in a matter of seconds I will be trying to push them away, i guess they could be described more like a spring than a roller coaster, no matter what end, taut or coiled, it is straining to change but i guess i am not that different from others i feel empty sometimes but i am able to feel warmed by others
a distant friend is a great comfort not visiting them everyday only talking to them when i feel i want to dont have to worrie about them showing up at my door on an off day
close friends are good too but some seem to be crouding i finally built my foundation of friends in this new place i live i feel the most comfortable when there are atleast two people i can hang with at any given time which is interesting because knowing they are there, makes me more comfortable with being alone
but that is it friends i can not hold a relationship a guy will like me for who i am but who i am is changing so much recently sometimes i wonder if i even like myself
recently i have been liking myself more no longer walking the edge of a razer between if i want to live today or should it all end it is comforting not having to fear emotions
but i do still long for love but my warped perception of what it should be prevents it and what i think love is and the way i act are two very different things there are so many ways to show love for others, but i feel i fail to express any of them i love my friends whole heartedly, i trust them deaply, but i do not show it and often i show a little bit of paranoia toward them then again, i can fully trust them because my trust has never been broken my friends are always there for me
and yet...
dang i ramble.
Fay Da Way · Sun Oct 26, 2008 @ 08:20pm · 0 Comments |