My best guy friend in the whole world..Geiss, got himself a girlfriend. I am happy for him, because I know how much they like each other, and I want him to be happy..at the same time... I'm going to miss him.
Whenever he doesn't have a girlfriend, and I don't have a boyfriend, then he'll write me letters, and send me pretty things, and overall just spoil me. Well, now that he has a girlfriend to spoil, I get ignored. I know that he's still my friend, and we're still close... but.. it still hurts. Whenever a girl comes into his life, I just sit back, get ignored, and pretend that it doesn't phase me. He's had a couple girlfriends, so it's not the first time this has happened.. just the first time in ... 8 months. I was getting so used to him being there when I needed him, and now, it's back to how it used to be. I don't know what I'll do when either of us gets married.!!!!! Oh, well... this another part of this great thing known as. LIFE! And ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'm going to figure out how to deal with it, and stop having these emotional breakdowns.
This week has got to be a new record for breakdowns... I think it's been... at least 5. Wow! I haven't been this bad since, *thinks* since.. a while anyways. I think it got this bad when 4 resdients died in one week, a friend killed himself, and my boyfriend broke up with me. Yes, I think that week it was just as bad. BUT.. nothing catasrophic has happened.. so WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I feel like.. I"m falling apart. I also feel severely depressed, and I don't know why. It's not the weather.. it's not my diet... no one died... and no one broke up with me..
So, what is wrong with mE??? It's days like today, and most of this past week where I wish I had my psychiatrist back. She was great for just letting me rant and vent, and then I would be fine. The problem is, whenever I do that too often to any of my friends, I feel like I'm overwhelming them with depression, and issues that don't matter. They never say this.. but it's how I feel. If someone did that to me, that's what I would feel like after not too long. What I miss most about having Geiss nearby, is that he would just give me a big hug and let me know that everything is going to be all right. Days like today, that's all that I really need. Someone to give me a big hug, and let me know that I'll get through this just fine. I KNOW it, in my head, but having someone else say it just seems to make it come true. My dad gives me a hug, but he HAS to.. I just wish... well, it won't happen. And.. mentally, I don't WANT it to, but emotionally I do. I just want a guy that will help me through these hard times, and not get stressed out from me being so... Bipolar/depressive/emotionally dependent. And no guys I really know would cope well with that.. or if they would.. there is NO way that they would do that for me. I know this..the one guy I could depend on no matter what, and still can, was Geiss. He still doesn't mind if I bug him, but since he's got his own girl to deal with, I want him to have a chance of bonding with her. The last thing I want is to come between them. She is sweet, charming, wonderful, and perfect for him. I really like her, and I hope that she takes good care of my best friend.
Phoenixispink Community Member 
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