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Ellen Raskin.
One of her earlier books... well she is dead now, but it was published in 1975. 30 years ago! eek
Much more enjoyable than The mysterious disappearance of Leon (I mean Noel).
So yesterday was the official first day of Spring. Big deal.
Am not a happy chappy as the saying goes.
I don't belong here, I don't deserve to have a job, friends, family...
Currently into self-flagelation - not literally of course.
But I am punishing myself for things that I know I have no control over. And for things I can control. (I think).
What kind of punishment?
It's pathetic.
I'm not self harming or anything. (Although that did cross my mind last night on the train...)
Remember thinking that I needed to do something to hurt myself and make me feel that I was there. Hmmm.
Remember hearing through a lot of noise (in my head) a little voice - me obviously - thinking "Stop it stop it stop it" over and over.
So I obviously did stop thinking about it.
Feeling rather detached from reality. So therefore I'm not here, right?
For God's sake! No I'm not taking drugs!!
I'm not that much of a loser.
I mean I am a loser, but...
Whatever.
Basically I'm going mad.
Anyway. I have to go home tonight to move more furniture...
Which reminds me, got home late last night to discover Bigbird's idea of dinner included pickled pork and veggies - but the veggies were contaminated... they were touching the (poor uncaring) dead animal flesh.
What the hell!?
I almost gagged and didn't eat anything.
She was like "There's nothing wrong with it! Leave it in the fridge and I'll take it to work with me."
Yeah. So I did, and as far as I know, she has.
I dread to think what will constitue as a meal this evening.
I may just have to cook the meal myself to stop her using meat.
God help me... I think I'm turning into a rabid (heh) vegetarian again.
Everyone is going to hate me. As if anybody likes me.
Ack. Looks like I've been channelling Alter Daffey.
More signs of lunacy. sweatdrop