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Man!...does time fly by fast!...i swear i had done this only a week ago...but now look!...its been what?...nearly two months!...i must be getting better!...

However...thats not why im here...i feel as if i cant stop thinking...not just about her...but everything...my rights, my wrongs, my truths, my lies...hell...if you consider my friends and family something to think about ive probably thought about that too...theres just so much cluttering my mind that i just cant think anymore...

I dont know what to call this...Depression?...no...it cant be...if it was...id probably not be here right now...(no offense to those under depression)...*rubs temple in frustration*...Damn...i just dont know what to think anymore...

Although...im in this martial art called : Ki-Aikido...its a self-defense martial art...and its supposed to teach you to control your breathing, calm your mind and even relax more...ive only been in it for 4 years but i think its really helped me...i can clear my mind of the unnessesary thoughts, control my breathing (because i have asthma), and relax...giving me a sense of temporary freedom from everything...its like being in the middle of the ocean...quiet and calm...(well not really technically but you get my point)...its just a really great feeling...

"If you can laugh...you can be free"...im sure you've seen this quote on my profile...if you havent...you are free to check it out...its none of my business wether you care to even look at thouse quotes...anyway....thats besides the point im trying to get at....what im trying to say is that for those who feel restrained, confined, and/or inhabilitated...just find a friend you can trust to make you feel better...someone who you know can always put a smile on your face no matter what the situation is like for you...someone who you know can make you laugh...if you can..."you can be free"...

i say this because the girl i fell in love with...is that special person to me...that girl i fell in love with who i pushed away from me just because i want ready...is...and always will be...that special person to me...she need not hear this from me...but i just wanted to say that...this not only applies to your friends...but it can be applied to anyone...a family member, a random person, even a homeless...anyone who can put a smile to your face...this is my lesson to you...heed it well and you will be "free"...

i know i speak as if things were a puzzle...but i just have to say this......"Life is a puzzle"...you find one piece and add it to your never ending puzzle of a life...building it bigger...making a more defined picture...and revealing the true meaning of the whole thing...