Ya know, I had a couple friends come to me in the past to ask me one simple question, and to tell you the truth, I never really knew the answer to it. They would call me on the phone or send me notes saying, "Elise, what is love?" Usually I would shrug it off and tell them that I don't know because I've never experienced "real love" before. Sure you say "I love you" to your families, but it's what you've been taught all of your life to say. Most people toss around those three words and say it just to say something, and when they do, I get really angry. I have an example of that. My best friend. She probably won't read this, but if she does, I have nothing against her, just the way she does this. I don't want people to think I'm like her because I'm not. I'm not saying names here so if you know who I'm talking about, good for you. Anyways, she says "I love you" to her boyfriend and another guy. Every time she gets the one she wants, it's as if she gets sick of them and automatically misses the other and decides she doesn't really love the one she's going out with, but the one she dumps. And when she goes back out with the one she dumped, she finds something about them and goes back to the other. I think it's really stupid and it all pisses me off more than anything. And I don't want to be looked as as her best friend who is just like her in every way. I want to be seen as that girl who is her best friend who is trying to put her on right terms with herself and with God. She tells me she doesn't want to end up like her eldest sister, but if she keeps going on like this, I really hate to say it, but she will. And if you're reading this, my friend, I did not say your name. I'm only using your situation as an example and hope you see that it's really really bad what you're doing.
Now, if you come to me, I know what love is. I know what it is because someone has loved me and taught me of it. Even though I may know what it is, there are no words in the human or nonhuman dictionary to describe how I feel with this guy. He's my life, my very reason for standing against the pressures of my friends and of those around me. I've had many of my friends be like "...well how do you know he's not cheating on you or know he's not having sex with other girls behind your back..." It's the same old s**t I hear over and over, time and time again, and I know their gonna keep saying it and pressuring me. And no matter how many times they say those thing I'm going to look at them and say "Because I TRUST him." And no matter what people tell me, I'm going to trust him because I love him and I've given him my heart, trusting him not to break it. I don't know if many could say that about their boyfriends or the person they say they love in general, but I know I can say it about Justin. I love him and I trust him more than I can trust anyone. He's my best friend, my hero, and my first love. I would never do anything to hurt him and if I do hurt him, I never do it on purpose. Baby if you're reading this, I'm sorry for anything I did to upset you in the past.
To those who keep searching for love, don't look for it all the time like a love sick puppy. Let it find you. Love can be found in the most unexpected places, and to tell you the truth, i never asked to fall in love. I just did, and when it happens, never let it go. No matter what happens, all your life, you're first love is going to be someone you love for ever on end. No, the love will last far longer than forever. It is that bond that cannot be broken by anything, not even death. And for as long as I live, beyond the day that I die, I'm going to love Justin no matter what happens. Even if by chance something happens to us, I'm still going to love him and wait patiently because you have to have patience to allow yourself to fall in love. Without patience, you can never find out what that someone does or doesn't like. You can never really find out about them. Some people just rush into a relationship and say "OMG i love you" just to hear someone say those words so you can feel loved by someone who's not family. I know that better than most because a LOT of my friends do that, and it's WRONG to do that to a guy or a girl. And again, I am nothing like my friends and I want people to understand that. I told you, I'm still a virgin and still innocent to the point where I haven't had my first kiss because I want it to be special. I want to share it with my first love. I'm one of those people who want the privilege of being able to marry my first love. I want to have kids with him, and when our kids ask me who my first love is, I can just point across the room at him instead of pulling out a picture and remembering a name. Though for me, remembering the name is so easy because I love him.
I'll be a person to admit, I want to be able to marry my first love and want it to last forever. I want to have kids. I want to experience life with the one I love the most and die a happy grandmother. But most of all, I want to be known as Elise. Not as "that girl who hangs out with that whore blah-blah-blah"...i don't know about any of you people, but I'd rather be seen as Elise, the girl who tries. Right now, I'm pretty much seen as a nobody, but I'm trying to save my best friend and become a somebody in someone's life. I may already be a somebody in someone's life, but I don't want to be tossed aside like an old chew toy when someone gets sick of me. I want to be something more. I want to be something that will remain with someone for the rest of their lives, something that that person can remember as good. I don't want to be seen as a bad person because I'm not...I just want to help people be happy. And I want someone to love me for all those things, because I already love someone for many other things. His kindness, his honesty, his will to be with me, the way he can make me smile and laugh without even trying, the way he's just himself when he talks to me. I love everything about him and I'm willing to make it work for us because he is my first and only love. Without him, I am nothing, and with him, I at least feel like something. I love the way he makes me feel when I'm with him. I miss him whenever I don't talk to him, whenever I'm not near him. But when we talk, all of my fears go away...because I know if I die today, I'll be remembered to at least one person as "Elise, the girl that tried." As someone's first love, as a really good friend, as something more than just somebody. I'll be remembered as Elise...
Baby, if you're reading this, I love you more than anything in existence. You make my skies blue whenever they're gray and cloudy, and you make life worth every breath. As long as you live, you will never be forgotten in my heart because you will always be there. Now. And for all eternity. I love you <3
View User's Journal
Me!! ^///^
This basically is about meh or jus random poems i come up with! :p
 |
