Cloud: Guys, I have some awful news.
Squall: Why does it always have to be bad news? My day started so good. I had a good night's sleep, I had-
Cloud: We don't have time for parodying Men in Tights right now. I need to tell you-
Vaan: Hey guys!
Squall: WTF?
Cloud: Actually it’s Selphie’s fault, so don’t look at me.
Squall: Why is that here? I thought he died and you buried him?
Cloud: Yeah, about that whole ‘bury’ thing; I’m not going to touch him. Ever.
Squall: So why is he alive again?
Vaan: Well, you see-
Cloud: Quiet, newbie. Well, you see....
~Flashback~
Selphie: If a Phoenix Down wakes us up when we’ve been KOed, why can’t we use it on a dead person?
Cloud: Because your mom never loved you as a kid?
Selphie: Don’t be silly. I’m an orphan.
Cloud: Wow, I’m kind of a jerk.
Selphie: Here we go!
Vaan: What happened?
Cloud: OMG, zombie-Vaan!
Selphie: Quick, shoot it in the head!
~End Flashback~
Vaan: And it turns out that Cloud and Selphie both have no idea how to use a gun!
Squall: You don't? How can you not know that?
Cloud: You don't either.
Squall: What were you doing with Selphie, anyway?
Cloud: She was sick-
Vaan: And tired?
Cloud: -of always being groped by Irvine, so she wanted to hang out with someone more mature.
Squall: So she picked the guy who laughs at the orphans begging in the streets.
Cloud: Hey, I didn't say that it's the right thing to do. I just said that it's fun to laugh at people whose lives are even more useless than my own.
Squall: I was an orphan too, but I managed to save the universe.
Cloud: And how you succeeded will forever be a mystery. Seriously, anyone can save the universe nowadays. I'm not a real person and I saved the universe and looked awesome doing it. Even Annoying Man over here saved the universe. But I'm the only one who had a sequel. Actually a sequel and a movie. And a few prequels that didn’t really make sense.
Vaan: I had a sequel!
Squall: Yeah, for the DS. That doesn’t count.
Tidus: I had sort of a sequel...
Cloud: Yeah, about your girlfriend who dresses like a prostitute. She slept with Gippal, you know.
Squall: I had sort of a spin-off game.
Cloud: For the PocketStation. And no one remembers that because it failed miserably.
Vaan: So I think that perhaps you could bring back your dead girlfriend.
Cloud: Actually, after I dumped her into a lake, Ariel from Kingdom Hearts took her and brought her back to life.
Tidus: Are you making a statement about Ariel’s sexuality?
Cloud: Yes, I believe I am.
