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Yet again there has been another gap of days between my last journal entry and this one. I guess now I am posting at my own leisure rather than adherring to a strict schedule. I guess when things start to bog me down again, I will start posting more often, which will probably make this more into a rant rather than a tracking of events. I have to remember though, rants are apart of keeping track too hmm.... So let's just do a brief overview of the past few days shall we?

I really feel like I have gained progress in my journey. This increase has come about from many sources, my drive to gain enlightenment, my Lord, my Sifu, and the overall desire to help my fellow man. This journey began a few weeks ago after my conversations and my confessions of the sins I had committed and never allowed to be freed and cast away to the utter oblivion which the came. After all of this the burden waned and allowed for my "seed" of faith and empowerment to grow. I root myself strongly in the Lord's garden as that is truly the only pure thing on this desecrated planet. I know now that this fact rings with more truth than even I can imagine, but I still love and respect this world, despite its failings. I do this because I know that in my heart I have failed and I have and always will make mistakes. These constant mistakes will follow me till the day I die, and I gladly accept the facts. I am as evil as anyone else on this planet, and we all deserve worse. I understand this all with a greater clarity that I personally thought I could never obtain. I find myself traveling on a road that many have said they have traveled but few follow it until the end. These convictions have allowed me to feel a bit of peace. I read books about taming my thoughts and desires to gain a higher function, if anyone is ever really interested in talking more of this lay a pm on me. I read more, pray more, and discuss sermons and thoughts with my friends. I think that my transition is helping out some of my friends. So that instead of just one of us doing it; it is all of us working together to keep each other on the right path, even though we will surely fall off and need to be set right again.


During the past week I went to school only on Thursday and Friday. My fatigue and sickness did not completely fade away until Wednesday. Between Tuesday and Wednesday I slept a good 20 + hours. My mind drifted from dream to dream without any direction, much like the leaf in an autumn breeze. The dreams that come and go. I now mark and keep watch. I do not completely believe them right off the bat, as you can never be sure where dreams come from anymore, but I do monitor them and take the images in. Surprisingly I flowed right back into school more easily than what was expected. I spent the majority of my Wednesday night making up the work I missed. Thursday and Friday went by without a hitch and I was off on my weekend adventure.

I went to class on Friday, worked on my forms and fighting techniques. To my great joy Gurhan, a member of our class, had returned from a long and very fascinating trip. He visited many places all over the world and told us many of his adventures. Sadly, he was unable to do everything he wanted as he was restricted to whatever business he was actually on. I am not actually sure what business that is, the topic never came up. I am excited about our Kung Fu festival coming up in the next few months. Our main event will be something called the Lion Dance. The Lion Dance is a two man dance with three instruments: the gong, the drum, and the cymbals. The Lion does not look like your average lion. It is a colorful and ornate paper mache/ rattan wood lion with a long cloth extending from the head which is considered the tail. The person in the front moves the head, blinks the eyes, and moves the mouth, while the man in the back moves the tail in sequence the man in front. The instruments allow the lion to move in proper timing. My whole part in this is the drum, which today I have been working on practicing. I lack the proper equipment, so I am improvising like I am prone to do. I am currently using a trash can with some stick I cut off from a giant wooden rod. I make up my own beats at this point, but I still have a lot of fun and that's what counts! This work with drums really makes me interested in getting a set to maybe play with a few friends of mine. Maybe I will get my hands on a cheap set and wail?

The weekend was a horrible washout! I ended up working on saturday, despite the pouring rain. I felt miserable, but content. The rain pummeled but I could not help but smile inside. The dark clouds and brutal drops could not destroy the peace that I try so dearly to keep in my heart. This sort of contentment is hard for one to keep in on one's own power, which is where the power of prayer comes in handy. Sunday was another work day, this one went alot better, no rain but very windy. The winds blew hard on Sunday, driving the temperatures down. The job was at a huge mansion with a wonderful backyard and a terrace with a four tierre(sp?) fountain. We had a pony, and petting zoo. Today the people requested a llama; we reluctantly brought Fluffy, who stubbornly disagreed with us taking him. The rest of the day was spent in deep study and note taking. I think I fell asleep reading The Release of The Spirit. A book based on the teachings of the Bible and taken from the sermons of a man by the name of Watchman Nee. This book discussed breaking the outerman to free the spirit and improve one's life. I wish to tame my outerman to experience such revival and utter contentment. This is not something that one can just wake up with. It requires work, diligence, and patience.

This week in school was revival week. Tonight being the last night. This would seemingly bring good feelings, but it brought me a wee bit of trouble from my teachers. One questions my faith and religion, because I do not go to church. Now it is my belief that Fundamental Churches are in error. The whole concept of Church as we see it today is mistaken. It has become a social event opposed to being a time of learning and increasing of one's knowledge. My Bible Studies both with and without Sifu has been my Church. I feel like I learn more about the Lord and that is all that matters. Church does not make the Believer. These members are using Church to show face instead of Faith. This confliction of thoughts brings me back to my compulsion to leave the school again. I am looking into ways of doing it at this moment.

The revival itself went fairly well. I feel like the Evangelist does not understand certain things and has far too many restrictions. Christianity or just about any religion is being viewed as a restriction rather than salvation and freedom. Mind you I view things in an irregular manner and believe a little differently. Faith and God and all things concerning are not burdens but joys, yet we are taught by these churches that they are burdens and thus we imagine it and restrict ourselves. This is a personal decision I suppose but one made incorrectly in my personal opinion. Anyways it is beginning to get a bit late and I am rather tired. Good night all! "A leap of Faith is not just an action; it is a way of life."