Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok what we need here before I can approve you is more background. You give us a really nice outline, but not much meat. Could you elaborate on why he is frightened of girls, something happen during his childhood or in high school that causes this? Also tell us why he likes animals and wants to be a vet. To elaborate more, maybe tell us about the day he received his pukka and also about his days now in college. How he land a job with the Oriental Theater, what is the Oriental Theater? Why does he not want work in a fast food joint (like that is hard to figure out wink ) Tell us about his friendship with his roommate and how they met. Maybe give us some history on why he loves sci-fi and MST3K. Why does he have a saying like the one you gave us? Beyond that everything else looks good.

Hm...*formulates character ideas* THIS should get interesting. >W<

sealed!

Official Critique Request

Username: Xasanik
Character's name: Tobias Long
Creature: Jackalope
Quest Thread: Jackrabbit Slim

You character is quite solid and interesting
But the creature might be a problem. It's very well developed, but it's too human like, unless you do keep the tail and use a different coloring than the one in the illustrations (only the wings being scaled. Wouldn't make much sense)

As for the category, it's clearly a Small Person, despite the Drake features. But you might want to explain why she would become a Joysweeper. The match is unclear

For the pukka, it would be strange it was waiting there for 6 years, unless that's just a lie told by the guy who handed it to her or it had been tampered with recently. Just so you know wink

His description and story need more content. How did he catch Tuberculosis? Why would he brought over being clearly sick? How come he has an english name and lives in America if he's japanese? why does he have that love for fight? what is he wearing when he's brought over?
You need to answer these and more when describing your character

About the creature, I can see how it relates to your character for its fighting bloodthirst, but isn't it a bit too much? You need to make the connection more clear
You also need to explain how he would look like as one and how would he behave. We can't have him as a spirit creature because those rely too heavily on magic to work

For the pukka, it wouldn't work unless it had been tampered with. They are objects either found, given by a stranger or manipulated to include the stone that pulls them to Athlaias, not something that has been in the family for quite some time

And what are his elements? How do they fit with his personality? What's his personality to begin with?

Your character still needs a lot of fleshing out, as well as the creature

Official Critique Request

Username: Xasanik
Character's name: Tobias Long AKA "Slim"
Creature: Jackalope-Man
Quest Thread: Jackrabbit Slim

Alrighty, here's the second attempt. Added a bit more information on the Jackalope-man, and explained my reasoning behind Chaos and Space a bit more. Also, dealing with his age and disability, I don't feel like it would be too much of a factor. He's a rather strong willed person, hell you'd have to be to stay with poker for that long, and for this reason alone I don't think that the changes would kill him. If anything, it'd make him stronger once he comes to terms with it.