Welcome to Gaia! ::

He wasn't sure if he could describe how he felt as he started to fade. Regret was there, maybe some fear for what would happen, fear he would be alone. Was this what the goddesses had truly meant? He had thought they had wanted more goddesses like they had been saying but what if they didn't really mean it? It was too late for those kinds of thoughts though.

He thought back to e few people he had met in his, short?, life doing as the goddesses had asked. The fewer still that stood out to him in some way. Would they be going through the same thing? Maybe where ever they faded to they would be able to interact? That thought helped lessen the regret and the fear. It helped add peace to the mix. Helped add acceptance as well.

He still couldn't pick out the rest of his emotions as he faded. Couldn't put them into words even if he could talk to someone about them, so he didn't try. In the end he just relaxed and let the world go gray.



Links to memory snippets

[Main Blessing 1]

"Are we there yet?" ******* held her hands over her eyes and giggled as she sat on his shoulders again.

"Not just yet." Tall, strong and holding her protectively as they moved was her brother. It was around harvest time again, or at least it felt like it. Her stomach was churning and grumbling angrily and she could smell it from far off and began to bounce.

"Howaboutnowhowaboutnow?!" Excitedly the words flowed out, though all together had lost some of their meaning. This surprise was all she had thought about the entire time and she leaned over onto his head with her ears bouncing around like antenna.

Below her he let out a chuckle and stopped, stepping over what felt to her like a large gap. A happiness flowed through her and she was grinning wildly.

His protective voice filled her mind. "Okay you can open your eyes now-"

[Defensive Memory]

The fork scraped against the plate as she contemplated what to say next. Ugh. Small talk. "Uh.. How's your aunt?" It felt weird to ask questions she really didn't care about.

"It isn't like you care. I'm letting you treat me like an idiot, but pretending to care about those in my life? I'm not letting you do that."

"No. You're right. I don't care." *** pushed her plate forward and stood up. "But I figured I'd attempt to partake in this mindless drivel for the sake of normalcy, if only for once." The ghoul marched over to scoop up her neatly folded sheets. "But you know what? ******** this, and ******** you. Not like it's hard to treat an idiot as such."

Major Blessing 1

Another school. Another time where he was the new kid. He looked around, feeling board, as he walked towards the building. There were other kids all around him but he knew no one there except for who was at the orphanage he had just been transferred into but even then he only knew them briefly. How long would it take him this time to make a real friend? How long would it take until he had to leave said real friend? Was it even worth trying?

It was the right choice, wasn’t it?

It hurt so badly, though. She should have known. It hurt to have your heart removed, cut away and pulled out. But now she was tearing it out, tearing out the very thing that linked her to her memories and made her her. They fled, those memories. A steady stream of images and words, some happy some sad, all leaving her through the hole she was making.

Her choice had been made.

Some part of her still regretted it. Perhaps she didn’t have to choose. Perhaps she should have followed him, but it was too late for regrets. She held her heart in her hand, and she wept.

The memories still flowed past. Images, sounds, smells, touches… each one different and precious in some way. Some were more distant than others, part of a life she knew must be hers but one she could not imagine. One she couldn’t even name. Why had she forgotten that? Why could she not remember her name?

She held her heart in her hand and she wept as she offered it.

"You have made the correct choice. This is the end for you, but the beginning for me. Your sacrifice will not be in vain."

Her sacrifice. Her end. She wanted to believe her choice was correct. She wanted to know more, have her questions answered. But she wanted more than that. She wanted more memories, she wanted to not forget. She wanted to be.

Perhaps she would be. Her memories fled, but she did not know where they went. She wondered, briefly, but then realized she was selfish and didn’t care. They were hers and she wanted to keep them.

She heard someone calling her, shouting. Her name, she was certain they said it, yet she could not hear it, or could not remember it the moment after. She sighed. They were too late.

She held nothing in her hand, and it hurt and she wept.

It hurt but she smiled. She could still remember it. That last bittersweet memory, that kiss he’d given her. She hoped she’d remember that forever.

She closed her eyes and the memory faded.

((Death Solo Post))

[Main Blessing 2]

Rain tasted stale and she closed her mouth as she walked, her dress tattered and feeling alone. Her body was drenched and she was shaking as she entered the house. It was warm inside and she moved the handle slowly, walking in and closing it.

"******? Are you home?" His voice perked her ears and she moved forward in a shiver. "Hey!" He shouted and suddenly she was covered in a towel. "That's a good way to get a death chill."

She didn't speak but choked on her words and grabbed him around his waist, crying silently for a moment.

"Don't do that okay?" It was concerned. "I promise it isn't all that bad." Soothing, warm but distant still.

"I don't wanna go back." She squeaked.

"Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, but you gotta buck up!" The towel was around her head and she was drying herself off. She was feeling far less convinced.

Even after leaving with Rostym, after deciding to follow her into the golden path, her hand loses touch to the girl's. Her sky is enveloped into a sweet elaborate gold, thick and heavy and right. She belongs here, doesn't she? She doesn't want to give her heart up, it's her heart. She took pride in the blessings it took for her to get it. She wanted to keep it. But as she looked around, watching memories thicken around her, she knows.

“for every end, there is beginning.” Vaneda whispers to herself, “And a we keep taking left turns on the circle of it...” Her hand grips the core of her being, tugging gently. Oh god it hurts. It hurts. And as she tugs, she see's the memories she earned disappear. Fade away from her. But she can't stop now that she has started. Her hand grips tighter, tugging hard. The memories keep fading until she pops it out, holding it in her hand.

This time, she is empty. She feel's nothing. Her heart glows as she dims until it's all that is left of her, leaving it behind.

And as she fades, she hears one final call.

Her name. Her true name.

But it's too late, as it disappears with her. Fading into nothing but grey.

5 Main task:

1. The night is cold, in their house in the suburbs. It shouldn't be cold at all. It's the middle of the summer. But it is cold like winter. She can see her breath...She can see Alaska next to her, who fell asleep. They are young, barely even more than small babies. But already they know that the boogeyman is real.

It's why the room is so cold. It's why it's always so cold. Because the shadows lurk over them, hissing and giggling. She closes her eyes, curls into Alaska and her twins heat. She just wants the shadows to go away.

2. They're at the aquarium, her first date with Otto. He's letting her hold his hand as they stop at displays and touch the glass. Fish follow their fingers and they laugh. She's never seen Otto laugh. It's nice. She likes it.
“***” Otto looks at her. “We should sit or something, let's go over there.” he doesn't let her hand go as he leads her to a room for bleachers to watch the live show. She likes this feeling. Otto, it was so nice to see you so nice.

3. “hey there Handsome.” She blinks as Roland looks over her sleeping form. She's never seen him before but by the emblem on the coat suggest that he's part of her division. “Need something?” When he doesn't answer, she draws him down to the couch and curls into him. Sapping his heat. “No okay nap time then.” he's too stunned to move, and eventually falls asleep to her sleeping form. A nice nap. A comfy nap.

4. They are on a mission, the Sahara. She's heard nothing but terrible things about this place, so she keeps Leroy drawn to her side. He's her lifeline, his voice a cool relief amongst all the heat. They are trying to do something, figure out time. Death.

It all falls apart, Jake. Oh god Jake's holding himself together, Sherry's trying too as well. She takes her artifact, putting the flower cage over them to keep them safe until help can come. People are dying, left right, up and down.

And then it all resets. She's back at the beginning.

5. Its a look, one look at each other. A flirtation. She was joking about being in his bed, only using it as a reason to hide from the amount of people. She's taken after all.

“Tease” Tuck whispers.

She smiles at him, angelic and innocent as she walks by. “Of course handsome.”

Blue: Her body is curved over her sister's drawing. Of all the items in the room, it's the only one that she cherishes more than her life. It was from that day, far in the past. Her favorite flower is a lily, but her sisters is a rose. Their dad is furious. He's taking all of Alaska's things. He's throwing them away. She can only hide so many from him in his rampage. The book, the rose picture. They are all protected from him in a small box hidden under her new single bed. Her treasures. Her Alaska. Protected.

Gold: They had come back from the mission alive. With Tuck and Sherry and Evan okay as well. They were sore from the beatings, but her and Stormy made it. THEY MADE IT. She could feel the rush of pride at her and her best friends feat. They were intermediate hunters now. They were stronger, better, faster....HARDER. She wanted to celebrate, she wanted to do things with her new title. She wanted to enjoy this moment forever, until she became a hunter. When this place first came to her, it had been for Alaska, but now she was becoming her own Ice cream tree. God it felt great!

Green: The laptop and DVD's look so sad sitting on her desk in her abandoned room. She wanted to get a gift for stormy, for letting her room with her. She had spent money to get the devices and the dvd's but had no idea how to get them to work. Everything was runic.

Oh duh! Everything was RUNIC. Heading to the life labs, She hands it over. “Look its a gift okay? Can you just make it work?” It was the best creative idea she had to give her friend. Wouldn't Stormy love dvd's and a portable dvd player? Yes she would.

White: It hurts. She had just figured out how she felt about Tuck. But she didn't realize that she had ruined it before she could even ask for it to begin. It still hurt to have done what she did to Roland, and now she almost felt like she was being desperate on Tuck. She had created a distance between them because she had been afraid of rejection.

But that rejection came back again. He had told her, he was talking to Heidi now. He liked Heidi. Heidi and him were dating. God it was sad. How sad could she be? She always chose the wrong guys didn't she? One's who had someone else they were thinking of it. How sad was it that she was in second place AGAIN. But's what even sadder...She deserved to be there, after what happened to Roland. What she caused. She wanted to cry...so she smiles instead. Smile *** because in the end, the only one who should see you crying is yourself.

Black: Dear Father. I am tired of your s**t. Going to find Alaska. I hope you are glad that you drove both of your daughters away. From, ***

The letter is tucked on her bed as she snorts. She didn't care about what her father did. This was payback. Two years of him torturing her with his words, with his unkindness. With his disappointment. What happened to when they were kids, when everything was good and fun and easy? When they had been a family.

He ruined it. He ruined everything. This was the price he paid. Revenge was best served cold wasn't it? And this was a cold way to go.

Red: She's in the haunted house now, her mind is clouded with despair, with pain. She just wants time to think, to feel. To sort through her thoughts. She see's the creature. She engages. She's winning, Leroy's shots sink into the creatures body. She feels smug. This was a distraction, he let her steam off. It let her be destructive.

But it turns inwards, as destruction always does on it's wielder. Literally. The creature disappears inside her, taking over her body. Pushing her back. It's not her who wields destruction now. It's the creature. It rakes her hand down her eye, filling it with blood. It smashes it against a table, breaking it. It shatters glass with the good one and raises a large shard to the clothed underside of her stomach. If it goes through, destruction. It doesn't.

Violet: The moment the words left her mouth, she realized what she had done. She regretted everything she said to him. She was in the wrong, she knew it. She had wronged him, and kept wronging him. Kept hurting him. Regret, she regretted this so much.

Until she couldn't feel it anymore. The last word she says is a quick stab to his heart, and he reacts. Just not how she thought he would. The hit to her face cracks thunder, but it says nothing like the pain and tears and sorrow on his face. Regret. It hurt so much.