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Hey Journal,

So Today I went a little of an adventure in the hotel. I had heard of this lady in the attic. Well not really heard, but as I was passing by the staff said there was like a ghost in the attic. Now the attic is normally off limits for most unless it's my dad or people setting up events that require things up there. Not sure why it's just a kinda thing you know when you sign up to work here.

I'm told it's super dusty, so today I am going on an adventure to find out if what everyone is talking about is true and journal you are coming with me. I'll write in you as I go.

Now here is the weirdest part. Why would there be a ghost up there? I mean we were the first owners I was told my mom and dad had this hotel built just for this. So is there really anything that could haunt it?

Plus when the staff described her - she sounded beautiful. Flowing black hair down her back and a voice of an angel. How can that be a ghost? aren't ghost supposed to be scary?

Well lets find out. Here goes nothing - I'm pulling down the steps and heading up. So I have to put you down for a second.

Well i reached the top and it is definitely dark and dusty - they weren't wrong about that but I don't see a ghost. at least yet - let me turn on my flashlight I brought in my bat wing bag maybe that'll help.

Wow this stuff is super old and beautiful up here. I mean this stuff is ancient...

Wait did you hear that it's near the end - i see a light coming from what looks like a window. Lets investigate. ~~~~~

oops sorry for the squiggles there i was caught off guard by a face in my light.

"mom...." I said aloud as I saw the ghost everyone had been talking about. it was my mother. Tears started foaming in my eyes. I can't believe it. It's a massive painting of my mother smiling with roses all around her.

I've never seen her so big before... why won't these tears stop. I grab the heart locket on my neck. "I miss you mom..." i guess that's normal though. after all my time was to short but it looks like I found her again.

Maybe it wasn't a ghost but it was better. I can come and talk to mom now.
Just as i stood up I noticed something. It was a music box out of the corner of the painting. Is this the music they were hearing. I pick it up and dust it off. It's my name on the box.

The tears just continue to fall as I open it up. I hear her voice begin to pour out of the box, and photos of mom,dad, and I fall to the ground. Me on dad's shoulders and ones of me holding moms hands.

We all look so happy. I have I never seen this before. I don't know why I'm crying so much, but hearing and seeing mom makes me so happy.

I miss her so much. I've been trying not to, but I can't hold it back anymore. I want my mom back. Why'd you have to go... I wasn't ready to have you leave...just a little longer....please...one more song..one more hug... one more ... just one...i wanna say goodbye...i wanna say I love you mommy...

I hear footsteps and suddenly arms wrap around me...it's my daddy. he must have heard me downstairs. I run into his arms and cry into his chest. I want mommy. I scream. He says I know baby I miss her too. as he hugs me so tightly. The tears won't stop coming. I can see all the pictures in my mind and her voice is racing around in it. I can see her smiling at me. Saying my love and hugging me so tight. Just like my daddy is now.
I can't imagine how much it hurts him when he knew mommy so much longer than me. How does he just smile all the time. Doesn't it hurt him to? Don't you miss all the smiles and happiness we used to have. How can you go through each day like you do. Isn't it killing you too. Doesn't it hurt.Is that why she's up here. out of view out of sight out of mind.

He picked me up in his arm and holds me so tight. as tears drip from my eyes. He says I'm sorry. I can hear the pain in his voice as if he's straining to breath. I can finally hear him letting his pain escape too. I can tell we've both been hiding in our own ways. I think it makes it worse that we still don't know what actually happen to her. I wonder if she can hear us now. crying out for her. begging her to come home and be a family again. i know it's a dream, but I want to let her meet my friends and our new family kitty. I know she'd love them. i know it. I want our family back to whole. It hurts to know how broken we are. our heart of the family is missing. seeing her in the attic it is like seeing a ghost and this music box. is this the only way I can hear your voice anymore.

I don't want to let you go. I never did. That's why i wear this locket around my neck. I feel like that one day I will walk through that door and you'll be smiling saying welcome home my love. Is it just a dream though... is it just a dream that is lost in the hopeless thoughts... I don't want it to go. I want you to stay forever... and these tears aren't ever going to stop. I feel them run through my heart everyday just now i'm finally letting them go. Can't you see how much daddy and i miss you? don't you hurt too. Don't you miss us...do you cry too?

I end this entry. I feel like my heart is growing but breaking in to pieces at the same time. What is this and why do I want my mom so bad. Mommy....make these tears stop... please...

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Well journal,

I'm gunna try today. it's been officially two weeks now. I've shut myself out and I can't seem to open back up. i just don't want to hurt everyone else anymore.

I want to try and show everyone I'm okay. I just don't know how to do that. I try to move the covers from over my head and open to a room of darkness with a single rose night light in the corner of my room lite up. It must be sometime after midnight since daddy isn't here right now. I can see the place he has made for himself on the couch right near my bed. The blankets are neatly folded and set up for when he comes back.

That's when I see my desk and the new music box adorning it. Old wood built it's frame and my name was carved into the wood itself. I slowly get up from my bed and walk towards it. my hands run across the carved and painted wood. I feel myself tracing every part of it as I breath and open the box slowly and very carefully. Almost as if I'm scared that something will pop out at me. Though I know the only thing in here are memories. lost memories.

Now I never told you much about my mommy. would you like to hear a story? As i pull out a picture of my mother and father in the roses laughing and smiling holding her tummy. That was when they found out I was coming. I know daddy told me that was the happiest day of his and my mommy's life. When they found out I was going to be joining them.

That was the day I found out how he met my mother. He said they were both teenagers. Dumb, young, and stupid at least he was. He used to play football, and was a total butthead. He only ever looked out for him. Now her mother on the other hand was the shy girl at the back of the class her black hair hung below her waste and she always had her hands full of books.

He never noticed the same three books at anytime. She was a shy speed reader. Now she was different than him. He was out going and cocky. While she was the shy girl that everyone thought was beautiful, but also got teased by other girls who were jealous.

The day they met though he happened to notice a girl knock a bouquet of roses red and black out of her hands with her books. He didn't know why, but he felt compelled to race over to help her as she bent down to gather her things. He picked up a book and her roses and gently handed them to her. She brushed her hair out of her eyes for just a moment and said thank you. That was when he saw her eyes the beautiful color of mine. The lite up her face and that half smile she did captured his heart. Now he didn't get to say anything back as she quickly took her things and rushed off.

after school ended that day he tried to look for her but he didn't have any luck. he couldn't even hear her black boots up and down the hallway. So he decided that he would take his buddies up on an offer to eat at this dinner downtown. They had the best burgers and milkshakes there they were to die for.

As he was just about to enter the restaurant that was when he heard a sound of a car horn. As he looked he saw the most beautiful black haired girl tending to some flowers. He told his friends he'd be right back as he ditched them and raced over towards her. He felt his heart race and he had no idea why. Why this girl? what was it about her. He'd seen her forever but till now he never took a second glance.

When he came up to my mother he said he said hello. not the coolest thing in the book, but on his way over he hadn't really thought of what to say. So he just looked like a sweating idiot.

My mother smiled towards him, as a skull hair clip held her bangs back from her face. She reached into her pocket and offered him with no words her handkerchief with her initial engraved on it in scarlet red lettering.

as he touched her hand and took the handkerchief from her. He said her face lit up like a red balloon as she tried to hide it behind her long hair. He couldn't help but laugh as she got so cute. He wiped his face and handed it back to her as he extended his hand. He said Hello and introduced himself. She tried to introduce herself. and slowly after a few minutes had warmed up to him but she was definitely a women of few words. She told him how this was her family's flower shop and he could see the love in her eyes. He took a seat on a bench outside the shop and just listened to her and watched her work. he said he had totally forgotten about his friends and was totally captivated by her.

Her smile and eyes just made him melt. He said as it came time for closing. He picked up a black rose near her register and asked her to go on a date with him. She turned away at first but then she said really? he nodded and with a huge bright red face she nodded with her hair going everywhere and took the rose from his hand. That was when she whispered I can't wait.
As he brushed her hair out of her eyes he said me either and kissed her forehead. After that moment. They were never seen apart. One date turned into hundreds. and one minute turned into forever. Then one thing lead to another and here she was. He said she was their love in human form. Though he was glad I got my mommy's looks. Especially her shining eyes and long black hair.

I don't think i've ever told anyone that story before journal, but it really helps. I don't know why but it lightened my heart a bit. I feel as though there is some light shining through the pain. Just knowing that if it weren't for those roses falling, maybe my parents would have never realized each other. They came from two different tracks and clicks. Still they were really happy together. Maybe I can tell you another story tomorrow. Maybe I can have my daddy tell me another one tonight.

Oh i think I hear the door it's daddy... I have to go I promise I'll be back tomorrow and I'll write something. Thank you for listening journal.... I really needed that...

((words:1,165)