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 Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2016 3:35 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2016 3:21 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 11:50 pm
s o l o Who I Am, What I Am (1164 words)
Jizabel slid her house key into the lock and pushed the door open with such intensity that it nearly cracked against the opposing wall. Realizing her mistake, she took a breath, and gently closed it tight. A headache raged on at her temples to the point she had to lean back against the door, sliding down an inch as she felt her strength slowly recede.
Tossing her purse and keys onto the couch, she marched to the apartment kitchenette, and put on a pot of coffee despite it being half passed two in the morning. Without looking to her daughter's door, she called, "Jinxi, get out here, we need to talk!"
A moment later, her bespectacled charge peeked out from her room before emerging fully. She strode forward and glanced around as if expecting something. "Ma... W-what is it?" she asked. "What do we need... to talk about?"
Jizabel leaned against the counter top. It felt odd holding a conversation with her daughter when she wasn't either pissed off nor drunk. "Er, well, listen, Jinxi, I've... I've been thinking about your future." Her daughter glanced right to left again in uncertainty. "I mean seriously thinking about it. You can't be expecting to spend your entire life sitting around all day cooped up in that room, can you?"
"No, but what... do you expect me to do?" Jinxi asked.
Her hands were balled in the long sleeves of her sweater and held so tightly it looked like her limbs ended at mittens. She flapped her arms out as she said this, her entire body rigidly stiff. She knew that dreaded question would come eventually, but she didn't expect so soon. Let along passed two in the morning.
"Ma, I-I can't do school, and I can maybe do work if, like, the requirements are really lax," she added.
The long silence from her mother's end was filled with the sound of the percolating coffeemaker. She had her eyes closed the entire time, arms folded across her chest. For a second, Jinxi thought her mother had fallen asleep standing up, but then Jizabel's eyes fluttered open and she turned to take a mug from the upper cupboard.
Without looking to Jinxi, she said, "Listen, and listen well, Jinxi. I said I was thinking seriously and I meant it. Here was my plan, or, well, my offer to you. One, you do go back to school... Or rather, take the GED and pass. Have your credentials up to high school level, at least. Then you can head to college and juggle a job with it. How's that sound? Good, right?"
Jinxi frowned deeply. No, she didn't like the sound of it. Not at all. In fact, it made her want to face-heel turn, march back into her room, and forget her mother even implied the ideas. So she tried to reason her way out of it.
"B-but what about money, ma? Can you... even pay for college for me?"
"You don't have to worry about money, okay, Jinxi? I'll make it work. I'm sure you can get a scholarship or something... And if push comes to shove, we can always get a loan."
Jinxi gulped. "B-but... I-I said I'm not good with school, ma. I dropped out of Meadowview, w-what makes you think I'll last at... a college?"
Jizebel sighed and reflexively rose her hand as if reaching for something. She was only inches away from the mug before she retracted her hand and clutched the edge of the counter top hard.
"You'll last," Jizabel said, ignoring the small beep of the coffee maker. "I'll make sure you'll stay."
"But ma—"
"For ******** sake, would you just do what I say for once?" Jizabel soundly cried, her anger getting the better of her yet again. "I've put up with you for far too damn long, Jinxi. I let things slide because I thought that's what a parent was supposed to do, but I was damn wrong because I let too many things slide with you." Jizabel clutched at her temple. "********, why couldn't I have been born with a normal daughter...?"
That remark dug deep. Jinxi swallowed again and bowed her head to the ground, holding her eyes on the tips of her socked toes. "B-but I... I am normal," she said, suddenly reluctant to let those words slip out.
This drew a mocking laugh from her mother. "Normal?" she said. "Normal? Jinxi, you can't leave your ******** room, let alone walk around in daylight like a normal person. Who put that idea in your head?" She banged a fist onto the counter top. "You know what you are? You're a useless little coward who can't do s**t without me. And for all I ******** know, that's how you're gonna be the rest of your useless life."
Jinxi looked up at her mother now. She willed tears, but none came to her eyes. They never came. She just couldn't cry about herself. Still, she shook her head to her mother's words, denying them. She had strength now, courage. She wasn't any of those things.
"T-that's... not who I am, not what I am... You're... You're wrong," she said. "I'm stronger now, I... I can handle myself now."
Jizabel gave another mocking laugh. "Please," she said. "Don't make me laugh for real. Just go back into your room. Close the door and hole yourself up like you always do."
Jinxi certainly took a step, but it wasn't toward her door. In a swiftness almost alien to her, she moved forward, and delivered such a slap to her mother's face that her palm stung and began to swell red. Jizabel could only stand there, dazed and confused despite the sharp pain from her left cheek. Never had her daughter raised a hand to her until now.
Jinxi dropped her eyes to her toes in tandem with her arm to her side. "I-I put up with a lot from you, too," she said. "You've abused me... both verbally a-and physically for a long time. Years... I-I never had the courage or strength to fight back. Not until now. Now I can and I will. I won't let you. Ever. I won't let you ever talk about me again like that. You know nothing about the person I am. Who I truly am. What I truly am. So you have no right, no right, to talk as if you do." She paused and bit her bottom lip. "Despite being mother and daughter, we hardly even know each other. To think I actually thought I loved you. I'm such an idiot." She looked up to her mother and scowled. "This is the last time. The last time I'm saying any of this now. By the end of the month, I'm moving out. Not coming back. So take these words as you will."
Then, finalizing her decision, she turned on her heel and marched back into her room, slamming the door shut behind her.
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Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 1:53 am
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2016 6:52 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2016 7:15 pm
s o l o Life Now (607 words)
Geraldine approached the apartment door and gave it two gentle raps with her knuckle. After a beat of no response, she turned to leave, but her eyes focused on the knob and she gave it an experimental twist. Her brow furrowed when it opened, and as a monolith of light cut into the darkness of the apartment, she leaned against the door frame and directed her frown at the white crown of a head poking out of the blanket and mattress lying in the direct center of where a proper living room should be. The figure squirmed at this sudden intrusion to her eyes, a hand stretched out and slapped out for her glasses, and after slipping it on, Jinxi winced up to Geraldine.
"Oh, h-hi there, Dinah..." she said, giving her a lazy smile and then stretching like a cat. Upon doing so, her foot kicked at a can at the edge of the mattress, and it rolled with a clatter across the living room and to the messy kitchenette.
"Well, solo life is treating you well," Geraldine said sarcastically.
Jinxi's smile brightened. "I-it's going pretty good, yea," the teen said, her neighbor's implication going straight over her head. "The, um, the place is a bit of a mess, but come on"—she yawned—"in."
Geraldine winced. "Uh, no thanks," she replied. "I'm just checking on you, making sure things are going good."
"Y-yea! Things couldn't be better, actually." Jinxi threw the blanket off with a flourish and sat up perkily. Geraldine couldn't help relating her to a puppy. "I've been been eating better and, um, o-oh! I think I might get a promotion soon!" In place of a tail, Jinxi waggled her leg excitedly. "I-I don't know when, but eventually!"
This sounded too suspicious to the cerise-haired woman. "A promotion, already?" she said. "Jinxi, it's only been like, what, two or three months? What exactly... do you do?"
Instead of a puppy, Jinxi now looked like a deer frozen in headlights. Her brown eyes stalled on her neighbor before glancing left and right nervously. "U-um, well, um..." the girl said, mentally groping around for anything that sounded convincing. Unfortunately, her attempt came to no avail. Sighing, she said, "I... I-I can't tell you, Geraldine. It wouldn't... You wouldn't like it..."
Geraldine's hackles stiffened ramrod straight. "What are you talking about, Jinx?" she said as steadily as she could. However, she felt very close to losing her temper. What did she mean that she "wouldn't like it"? This was setting off too many red alarms in her head. "You aren't doing something awful, are you? Something illegal? Like selling drugs or... dear god... gods... yourself, are you?"
"N-no!" Jinxi cried at the top of her lungs. "I'm not... I'm not...s-stupid"—the word made her wince—"like that, Dinah. I mean, people who do that kinda stuff aren't stupid, but I don't know the first thing about that and—"
Geraldine waved a hand at her. "It's okay, I know what you're saying," she said. "By why can't you tell me what you do?"
"I-I just can't." Jinxi bit her bottom lip. "I know I, um, make you worry. A lot. But this p-place I work for is great. They're just. They care a lot. So I... I-I want to do a lot for them and spread their awareness... I hope... you can understand, Geraldine."
Geraldine sighed. "It's okay, Jinxi, I understand," she lied. "I'll just take your word for it. As long as you take care of yourself, okay?"
Jinxi gave her another smile that was the rarest of all: A genuine one. "O-of course," she said.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 1:05 pm
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2016 6:59 am
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 4:43 am
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 11:24 pm
s o l o To Rise (1727 words)
Jinxi squirmed against the touch of tawny fingers on her scalp, holding back whines of displeasure. Geraldine eventually stopped and rolled her eyes, dropping the curling iron onto the kitchen table with a thunk.
"Jinxi, I can't practice if you keep moving," she said, vexed.
"But why do you have to practice on me?" Jinxi moaned, hands gripping the edge of the kitchen stool tightly. "I'm not, like, your practice doll or whatever, Dinah. Use one of your wigs!"
"Oh, hush! I need practice on actual people"—Geraldine placed hands on the sides of Jinxi's head and jerked it forward—"so just sit there and give me five more minutes."
Jinxi harrumphed and did as she was told, using everything within her being to not slap at the hands working their way through her white locks again. The pungent stench of burnt hair lingered in the air as Geraldine worked, eliciting a small throb of annoyance from Jinxi's temple as she found herself losing to a desired tantrum.
Are you done yet? Is she done yet? When are you gonna finish? Hurry up, hurry up!
After what felt like another minute of torture, Geraldine relinquished her hands from the teen's head, almost drawing a sigh of relief from her. Obtaining the mirror beside where the curling iron was placed once again, Geraldine flashed the silver side at Jinxi, and cocked her head.
"So? What do you think?"
Jinxi needn't say a word, her disgust was evident in the crooked slant of her lips and narrowed eyes. What was Geraldine expecting of her, of course she wasn't going to like it—Jinxi just wanted to be plain ole Jinxi, not this dolled up mannequin of curls that wouldn't even hold. She wanted to rip away clumps by the handfuls, drop them in a heap at her ankles, toss them at her neighbor, and argue her sentiments through hot, sticky tears.
Stop trying to change me! I'm fine just the way I am!
"You did... good?" was the only item she could say genuinely.
Though largely unsatisfied with Jinxi's form of praise, Geraldine accepted that it was the most she'd get out of the girl and moved on. Picking up the chunky digital camera from the table, she centered Jinxi on the preview screen, and the teen froze as a white flash enveloped her vision.
"Mm, good! This'll make a great shot for the portfolio."
"So... we're done?"
A sigh. "Yes, we're done, Jinxi."
Jinxi didn't need to be told twice, however; she was raking fingers through her hair before Geraldine even finished her sentence.
+
Geraldine hated Jules. She wasn't sure if was his permanent smug, the marble-sized zircornia pierced through his left nostril, or the apoplectic way he called her Geral-doll whenever he opened his mouth. Nevertheless, she was willing to put up with his indignant attitude because the man had connections, and one wouldn't make it far without some networking.
They couldn't close an opportunity on her if she had her foot in the door, right?
He overlooked a theater troupe that was a heterogeneous cacophony of all voices and sizes, shapes, colors, and styles. The only notion that stymied diversity was his own decisions, and as the sole progenitor of them, his word was law. Geraldine would kiss his a** thirty ways til Sunday if it meant having a chance to work with him.
Jules clicked his tongue as he absently flipped through the binder rested atop a sequined strip of fabric. "So, Geral-doll, explain to me what you wanted again?"
"Oh, well, Mr. Lopez—"
"Jules, darl, Jules."
"Oh, r-right, Jules. Um. You see, I—"
"Vicente! By all things holy, get your filthy a** off that trunk and practice your lines! Susan, louder! Louder! ...Now, what were you saying, darl? I— Quinasia, that's the wrong wig! Go back to Dylan and get the right one!" Jules sighed dramatically, before giving Geraldine back his undivided attention. "I'm so, so sorry, Geral-doll, this lot is... They're just a bunch of idiots! Idiots! But never mind them, what were you saying?"
Geraldine swallowed thickly. Oh. My. God. I hate him. I hate him.
"Jules, um, you said you have a production coming up, right?"
"Yes..."
"And you'd probably... need a hairstylist for it?"
"Mhm..."
"So, um, I was wondering if you could... m-maybe consider me? I-I'd be willing to work for cheap, since it's just the exposure I'm looking for and—"
"Mmm... Well... I don't know, Geral-doll." Jules began to idly thumb through her portfolio again. "What I'm seeing here is simply basic things, I need something with, I don't know, pizazz. More oomph. And none of these styles here are... Hmm?"
Suddenly, the man's voice dropped to silence as he flipped back a page to a familiar shot Geraldine took yesterday: Jinxi perched sullen, almost scared, on the kitchen stool in her apartment with fallow eyes peeking up beyond her red frames and the tendril of curls atop her head. Jules kept a steadfast gaze on the shot, causing Geraldine to glance quizzically between his face and her neighbor's.
Finally, he said through a bated breath, "That's her. That's my Carmen. She has to be my Carmen!" Whirling around toward Geraldine, he caught her by the shoulders, and shook her slightly from the intensity of his excitement. "Geral-doll, who is this girl? What's her name? I have to know!"
"U-uh! That's Jinxi, my neighbor? Why do you want to know?"
"Because she's... She's perfect!" Jules released Geraldine and turned about, spreading arms to the stage before him as if it were some ethereal god. "My next play is a spinoff of the magnificent opera, Carmen. Not a direct portrayal, mind you, but a contemporary piece. A prequel if you must, of the ingenue who becomes the spicy femme fatale, Carmen. But she will be my vision of Carmen, and I've ventured every nook and cranny of this city for the right girl, but my attempt came to no avail—until now! I've found her, my Carmen! All thanks to you, Geral-doll! You must introduce me, you must!"
Geraldine smiled sheepishly to Jules, but it waned come his following intention. "Wait, wait, wait, Jules, don't tell me you're actually looking to cast her in your play?" she said incredulously. "Jinxi isn't... She's not an actor, let alone a social butterfly. I don't think she'd—"
Jules's excited facade dropped to one of determined seriousness, an expression reserved only to those who betrayed his orders. "Geral-doll, do you want to partake in this production?"
Geraldine gulped. "M-more than anything else in this world," she replied.
"Then get that girl to me this instant."
+
"No! No, no, no, no!"
"Jinxi—"
"I said NO!"
Jinxi flopped down onto the sofa, hugging knees to her chest and refusing to look at her neighbor. Geraldine sighed and rubbed at her temple, thinking of the myriad of other things she'd rather be doing right now instead of putting up with Jinxi's incorrigible attitude.
Just take it slow, Geraldine, she told herself. She'll come around if you push a little.
"Jinxi, listen, it's not like you're going to be on television or anything. It's a really small theater with an even smaller troupe. At most, five people'll show up on opening day, and Jules'll even pay you. All I have to do is memorize a few lines—you're really good at that, memorizing stuff—and have me cut your hair a little bit. It doesn't sound all that bad, right?"
"Yes, it does! I-I can't stand up in front of people, acting like someone I'm not, and my hair... My hair is already short, Dinah, two inches is too much!"
"But Jules said—"
"I don't care what he said, I'm not doing it!"
It was here Geraldine knew this conversation would continue as all of their other disagreements—a cyclical train wreck of musts and should-nots. In the end, she would be the one to give, and return to her apartment to rant and rave. Some days later, Jinxi would sheepishly knock on her door, and then ask for something minuscule (sugar, ketchup, a DVD Geraldine had forgotten about months ago) and the tension between them would dissipate there.
It was annoying, Jinxi was annoying, and only by throwing in guilt would the girl agree to anything.
"Jinxi? Okay, listen, and I'm not being a jerk or anything, but you owe me."
"W-what... do you mean?"
"What I mean is, I've given you a lot. Food, clothes, things, a lot, and I have never, ever asked for anything in return. So the one time I ask for a favor, you've the audacity to say no? That's really ******** shitty."
Geraldine harrumphed and spun on her heel to exit the whole, and was only halted by the sudden, sharp cry from Jinxi before she reached the apartment door. Turning eyes over to her, she saw her neighbor jump from her seat with a hand outstretched to her; a look of concern across her pale face.
"D-Dinah, wait!" Jinxi cried. "Wait, wait, I'll stop, so like..." She dropped her hand. "I'll go see this 'Jules' guy, okay. Just for you, since you said so..."
Geraldine's lips curved into a triumphant smile. "Thanks so much, Jinxi. I appreciate it."
+
Still, Geraldine couldn't see what Jules saw in the plain, white-haired, glasses wearing girl, but when she half-dragged, half-lead Jinxi to the theater, the man's features were awash in delight and awe to see his talent before him in the flesh. Jinxi stood nervously, brown eyes glancing to Geraldine every once and a while, as Jules continued to gush and round her like an excited, yipping puppy. He eventually stopped before her and clapped one hand on her shoulder, using the other to turn her face about from all angles.
"Oh, Geral-doll, she's just what I imagined!" he said. "Your name is Jinxi? Jin-xi?
Oh, what a wonderful name! Perfect for a character who falls low, only to rise above!"
"R-rise above?" Jinxi stammered, confused.
"Yes, yes, rise above!" Jules cried, releasing her and spreading arms to the stage again. "You and I will tell a tale the darkest lows, the brightest triumphs, all from the eyes of a character who must sacrifice everything to become someone. Jinxi, you will be my Carmen, and you will shine bright on this stage!"
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