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 Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 1:45 am
It was safe to say that Aludra felt like a complete idiot. He watched from the car as his father, of all people, approached the Lorcalle household with a wrapped gift that had come from Aludra, himself. But the child didn't trust himself to deliver the gift, for he well-knew that if he did, he wouldn't be able to give up the stupid wand.
So, Noah walked into the large building, up the stairs, and knocked nervously at the door to the household. When the door was answered, he gave one of his usual awkward smiles, extending the present to Silas.
"Before you ask, this is actually for Lironax. It's from Aludra, surprisingly enough. He... asked if I could buy it, wrap it, then bring it here, because he knew that Lir would like it or something similar. He said he didn't want to give it himself because his greed side wouldn't let him actually give anything away," he said with a bit of a laugh. "Tell him that, would you?"
Upon opening, the ribboned cardboard box revealed a beautiful gold and quartz wand that had obviously been rather expensive, that was tied with a pink ribbon. As Aludra had predicted, it was very much the sort of thing that would have caught Lironax's fancy.
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:22 am
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:41 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:43 pm
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:44 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:45 pm
We All Fall Down - MSN Roleplay with lux AE T E R N A__x x - Lironax and Aludra
Lironax had been standing nervously down the hall from Aludra's room for a good forty-five minutes now, tentacle flexing its spikes anxiously. About three or four times he had actually plucked up the courage to walk down and speak to his best friend about what he was dying to tell him, but it had always dissipated as soon as it appeared. But he knew he had to do this, and now was a good time; neither Noah nor Adhara were in the apartment right now, so there wouldn't be any interruptions. So taking the deepest of calming breaths, he flapped both his wing and tentacle to dispel his nerves and marched down the hall. If he walked slowly, he would just run back and nothing would be done.
When he was outside Aludra's door, Lir's nerves almost failed him. He trembled terribly, but swallowed and knocked on the door gently. "Um, 'Ludra? C-Can I come in? I need to talk to you about s-something important."
For some odd reason, nothing seemed so embarrassing to Aludra as the fact that he could easily sit for hours working on chess strategies. Sure, he'd never thought highly of himself, but he'd never really seen himself growing into... well, the type of person who would do such a thing as staying awake deep into the night studying chess strategies. Sure, at the moment, it wasn't that deep into the night, but by the time it was, he would still be there, doing the exact same thing.
As soon as he heard the knock at the door, Aludra's eyes widened. He immediately knocked the chess board back to where it had been, in the corner with all the other chess sets he'd collected over the years, yanking open a drawer at the desk he was sitting at and shoving the papers into it, crumpling them in the process, before slamming the desk drawer shut, posing as nonchalantly as he could -arms crossed with his head resting on them- before glancing at the door. His tail was flicking back and forth a bit nervously / frantically as the remaining anklewing flexed and relaxed; yeah, he had definitely just been sitting there all evening.
Right.
"S'fine, Lir'nax. Can come in," he replied, letting out a breath. Why was it that being around that boy always made him so... fidgety. Nervous. It was... dispiriting. He didn't like always being so awkward and gangly around the slightly younger male. If only he could be... better. Something that Lironax actually... deserved, maybe?
Lironax blinked at the sounds of the scrambling and stepped back timidly, wondering if he had come at a... bad time. Of course, he couldn't ask Aludra that directly; he would just insist that it was fine, regardless if that was truthful or not. Sighing once again and gritting his teeth, Lir mustered the last of his nerve. "C'mon, Lir, you c'n do this." With that muttered self-affirmation, he bravely opened the door and walked on in.
Smiling nervously, he made his way over to Aludra's bed and sat down gently, gesturing for his friend to do the same. He looked down in silence for a few tense moments, then plucked up his courage once again and began to speak in a low, gentle voice. "So, 'Ludra, you- you know how I'm really... girly, right? Like, waaaaay more than boys usually are, huh? And how p-p-people often mis-stake me for a girl? Well... there's a... reason for that. I..." Here his voice petered out, terrified of continuing, but Lironax stubbornly forced the word out. "Transgender. I'm transgender, Aludra. I... I was supposed to be born as a girl," he finished with a small, openly desperate smile.
Aludra, of course, responded to the gesture of 'come closer' with a very bland look, as Lir well knew by now that Aludra wasn't the biggest fan of... physical closeness. But, as long as he wasn't being clung to, the boy didn't object and made his way to sit beside his friend, a bit worried at the other's distress. Just a bit, though; Lironax seemed to be nervous around him a lot, and he was well aware why. He was never the most hospitable to the other, and yet Lir continued coming back each and every time...
Whatever. He was supposed to be listening to Lironax talk, anyway, not prattle on in his head about things that were completely unimportant for the time-being.
Aludra nodded simply in response to most of what the other was saying, a little distracted, trying to beat himself in the game of chess he'd previously been playing with himself, as Lironax wasn't saying anything of value at this point. Until the word 'reason' slipped from his lips, and those tri-coloured eyes finally came back from the world of imaginary chess pieces, looking at Lironax Lorcalle with an expression of honest curiosity, waiting for him to continue.
"Transgender...?" Aludra murmured in response, before Lir had full time to finish what he was saying, talking more to himself than anything. He knew what that meant from somewhere, but he wasn't completely sure where he'd heard it. But, of course, the explanation came right after, and Aludra laughed nervously in response, shaking his head. No, no, no, that wasn't right. Lironax was a boy, not a girl. Aludra had just barely grasped hold of the fact that he was as queer as the rest of his family, he didn't need to start questioning that again. He didn't want to have to start questioning that again.
"No, Lir'nax. Doesn't make sense. Is... just... girly. Crossdressing'n'things, not... not actually female," he replied, that nervous laugh edging his voice. Yes, it would be hard for Lironax to deal with this, too, some part of him understood that. But there was this deep, underground, selfish part of him that completely refused[ to take in what the boy was|saying. No, there was now way. "Is... not a girl, Lir'nax."
To be honest, this answer, this outright denial, confused Lironax to no end. He had expected that Aludra, in all of his kindness to him (however bassackwards it could be, it was still kind), would be the first to accept this new light on him. And- and- he was going to help Lir tell his dad- and- he- Oh, this was going all wrong! Part of him wanted to bury his face in his hands, but the other part forced it to wait and try again. M-maybe he hadn't quite heard right, was all...
"N-no, 'Ludra. I... I'm not just girly. I practically AM one," he said, laughing nervously much like the other. "There's n-nothing about me that's mas-masculine at all. And- and- I... I really feel like everything would make a lot more sense if I was a girl." That desperate smile showed itself once again, and he glanced down nervously. "I mean, wouldn't it?"
Aludra just stared at the boy, nothing seeming to happen for a moment, before the telltale warning sign of impending doom loomed over the pairing, the red of Aludra's irises slowly growing to consume the green in a splotchy, uneven manner. He chuckled softly under his breath, tail tapping the bed in the same way an irate man would tap his foot to control his temper, both eyes closing as he turned his would-be gaze back to the floor, shaking his head a bit.
"Lir'nax, is not a girl. Makes sense, sure, but not really... is not... you're a boy, Lir'nax!" he exclaimed finally, though it wasn't so much in anger as it was in distress, confusion. He didn't understand what Lironax was trying to explain. For some reason, it just wouldn't click in any part of his brain what the other was trying to say.
"Is... is a boy, Lir'nax..." he said, gaze deepening, eyebrows knitting as he bit gently at his lip with an incisor. "Doesn't... doesn't make sense, what he's saying. If was born a girl, is a girl. If boy, is boy. R-right? Like... like... it... Lir'nax!! What are you even TALKING about?!" he yelled, hands turning into fists in the bedspread, biting into his lip and turning his eyes back to the carpet, snapping them shut once again. His world, their world was flipping upside-down, coming apart at the seams...
And he had no idea how to stop it.
Lironax looked in confusion at Aludra's chuckling, unable to fathom what was so hard about this concept. That is, people on the street constantly mistook him for a girl, sometimes more than once! Why couldn't Aludra see that part of him, too? Why was it so important that he be a boy?
He jumped back in surprise at the sudden yelling, eyes widening in fear and scooting back slightly. Lironax had never seen Aludra this angry before. After the echoes of the yell had drifted away, he timidly attempted to answer the question, fingers twiddling nervously."Aludra, you heard what I was talking about. I... I honestly feel like I should have been borned a girl. Like, when I even consider doing things like other boys or wearing the kinds of clothes that they do-" here he played with the fabric of his sky-blue dress self-consciously - "or... anything that has to do with being a boy, I feel... wrong. Like, at the very deepest part of me, wrong." He glanced up at Aludra's shockingly red eyes, tears of confusion and desperation beginning to well. "Why can't you understand that, 'Ludra?"
And that... what... what was Lir talking about? He just... just felt wrong when he was dressing like a boy, acting like a boy? Aludra's eyes, the green draining away from them with each passing second, took their turn to glare at the boy harshly, Aludra's tail hitting the bed with a harsh thud every other second, his breathing harsh as he watched the other, as though searching for a falsehood in what he was saying.
"Lir'nax... is... supposed to feel wrong... isn't... he?" Aludra asked, very obviously growing more and more confused with every second that passed, before he shook his head slowly. "N-no, is supposed to feel wrong. 'Ludra always feels wrong, is... is... is normal says Lor, too. Normal to be angry. Normal to be full of... anger. At war with se-self," he stammered, trying desperately to control himself, not to lash out at the poor Lust spawn, so pitiful, so desperate for an understanding he wouldn't find in Aludra.
No one would find understanding with Aludra. Not even himself.
"Lir'nax, is normal to feel wrong. Is... acceptable. Is...how 'Ludra feels, so... 'Ludra isn't so different that his thinking is wrong? Right? Feelings aren't wrong when... when are wrong, right?
"Is... normal to feel wrong, Lir'nax. Is what it's like... right?" he asked, gazing up at the other with something that definitely wasn't anger. At least, not at Lir. He looked... confused. Worried, obviously. And... just as desperate for acceptance as Lironax seemed at the time, though it was for a completely different reason. So that was it? He couldn't accept Lironax because... he couldn't accept that he, himself, was the only one who was constantly at war with himself? Constantly hating himself for what he was...? And that wasn't normal. And he knew it.
Lironax just stared at Aludra as the Greed spawn stammered out his half-baked explanation, mind reeling at the implications it gave. Aludra was... at war with himself? Constently? That sounded... awful, and was almost enough to make Lir dismiss his problems for a while and deal with his best friend's.
Almost being the key word there. As much as he loved Aludra, and hated seeing him so violent, Lironax couldn't - wouldn't - accept the fact that the pure wrongness of what his body felt like was normal. No one else that he or Aludra knew seemed to have such a problem with themselves, and if it was normal, wouldn't his dad or Noah or Adhi or someone told him about it beforehand? Sighing sadly, and watching the thrashing tail with a wary eye, he spoke gently, but firmer than he had
ever spoken with Aludra before.
"No, Aludra. I'm very sorry, but I don't believe that. I mean, if it was normal, wouldn't we see it more in other people? And, begging your pardon, but my wrong seems different from yours. It's... it's hard to explain how, but I just think it is. And I need you to help me deal with it, 'Ludra. You're my... well, I care about you the most out of everyone, and if-if you help me, maybe... I can help you." Another pathetic smile trailed after this speech, expressing Lironax's desperate hope that he could get through to his obviously-angered friend.
Of course, there was nothing that was going to change Aludra's train of thought now. So it... wasn't... normal to be feeling the way that he was? The angel side of him, the side that... the part of him... the donor that felt as though he didn't deserve to be paid attention to... he'd been lying when he said that it wasn't abnormal? When he said it was normal to feel...
Nearly all of the beautifully bright, innocent green remained in the Greed demon's mottled red eyes at this point, his breathing losing its controlled edge, tail tensing and slapping the bed and lashing in a manner that signaled that Lironax may want to leave. But, of course, he was a patience spawn, wasn't he? He wanted to get his point across, get Aludra to accept what was going on when the male clearly wasn't about to do that.
Growling softly, he shook his head, pink hair falling into his face from behind his ears despite the gesture being so gentle. "Can't... Aludra can't just 'deal with it'. Isn't normal/i][, Lironax. Neither is 'normal'. Doesn't want to think his own problems are so... problematic, and can't even begin to think about Lironax's." One hand oustretched, grabbing the younger boy's wrist tightly, part of him wanting the other to squirm out of the grip and get as far away as possible, and another part wanting him closer. But the anger was overpowering. It was once something he took out on himself, throwing himself down the stairs, cutting up his arms, tearing off his scales. But Lironax was around so much... too much.
"Lironax... isn't... supposed... to... change his mind now. Not when Aludra finally, finally comes to terms with... with..." he suddenly stopped, a slight flush spreading across his face, embarassment stopping the anger in its tracks. He dropped Lironax's hand, turning and going back to his desk, taking a seat and pulling out his papers once again, writing down notes that barely made sense, turning his brain away from emotion, back to logic, back to what made sense.
"Get out."
By the time Aludra had seized Lironax's wrist, the boy had realized that this, for whatever reason, had been a terribly bad idea. He winced and bit his lip in pain, gently pulling away in fear. This... this wasn't Aludra anymore. This wasn't the boy who'd taught him how to play chess, or gave him dresses on a whim, or made him accompany him to church. This person wasn't that nice. This... This person didn't care.
He blinked in utter confusion at Aludra's words, cradling his injured wrist to his chest and stepping fearfully towards the door. It wasn't that he wanted to leave, but my God... Aludra was being so different, so wrapped up in his own confusions to help him work through his. And if Lir tried to help Aludra, he would just be turned down, like what always happened when he tried to do something kind for the other.
Not knowing what to do, he sighed shakily and nodded. "Okay, 'Ludra, I'm leaving. S-sorry to bother you." With that, he walked slowly backwards out the door, suddenly unwilling to be exposed around his... once-friend.
Considering his entire world had just fallen apart because of him, the fact that Lironax was able to hold back the wave of tears until he was safe inside his designated room was admirable.
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:46 pm
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:31 pm
Lironax's Journal Note:: The first part of the following entry is covered in tear stains and is written in extremely shaky writing, which is why it's slightly less than legible at parts Jor-Jer-JOURNAL! S- S- I- Something... BAD happened...
I-I tried to tttelll ''Ludraaa bbout mmy transsgenndnerness cuase he wwas gonnan help m e na da and bbeee therere when ii I telled my dadddy '''cause i doon't thihnk tha t he awoul d unnderderdstand quite at fistseet bububy but he dddin't reactya well neigther!!! heHe gott all madded and hheee yellleed a n d wass saddy and grragrabbed my wrist a nd ttttoled mee to g e t ou t and i duhnno wh at I doidid wronnng!!! !
... Wow. Um, s-sorry there, journal. I was really upset right then, so I wasn't thinking all straight. Well, I'm still really sad, but I'm not... hectic. I think that's the word. Anyways, this is a little while later from up there, which is why I'm a bit calmer. Th-that up there is all true, though, sadly enough.
But I might has a solution, journal! Well, maybe not a complete one, but one that'll work a little maybe I hope so. As soon as I'm doned with this, then I'll go and tell ADHI about me. She's really nice and calm and like a mommy, journal; I think she'll know what to do. I'm still kinda scared, though. I mean, I thought that 'Ludra would know what to do, and... That wasn't right.
Mrr, oh, now I'm a nervous! Okay,, okay, I'mma just go DO IT. See you later, journal, hopefuly with happy news. Crossing my fingers; you cross yours, too!
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:59 pm
Reserved for 'It's not so bad' - Adhara / Lironax roleplay.
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Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:30 am
Morning saw Lironax standing in the bathroom, dressed only in a pair of heart-patterned boxers and examining himself in the only full-length mirror in the house. A small worried pout adorned his face as he looked over this new body that he had been awarded in the middle of the night, quickly realizing that it would prove quite problematic.
The reason was simple. As far as he knew, this was around the time where girls of his age started developing breasts. However, since his body had stubbornly decided to be male, he really had none to speak of. Which means that his cross-dressing was going to get a lot harder, if he was going to keep it accurate. Which, of course, he planned to; he didn't want to be mistaken for a drag queen-in-training more often that usual. Once again, he pouted, and turned to the other side, as if doing so would change reality. Not that he had been no naïve as to think that he would never have to stuff his chest, but that certainly doesn't mean that he was looking forward to it...
Suddenly, a pair of knocks sounded on the door. "Lir! Are you almost done? You need to get to school!"
"Yeah, hold on a second, Daddy!" Lironax called out, quickly abandoning his inspection of himself and throwing on the white-and-yellow polka dot dress, one of the dozens Adhara had given him. He quickly brushed his hair and pulled it into the usual set of pigtails, only then realizing that the dress was edging dangerously on the short side. Making an annoyed noise, he pulled and adjusted the dress frantically for a few moments before deciding that there was nothing to be done and, after gently pulling away his tentacle (which was insisting on lingering near the edge of the dress ) rushed out of the door. There would be time to adjust his figure later.
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:59 am
Lironax's Journal
Reference Note ; This entry is written about a day or so after Hyacinth fell Dear Journal,
xxxxxHi there. Haven't talked to you for a long time, huh? Sorry about that; it's just that a loooot of stuff has been happening recently, and well... I haven't really had time. You're not mad, right?
xxxxxAnyway, the reason that I resurrected you: something super weird happened yesterday, like, weird enough that my daddy said I could leave school a bit early and go to the 'Cility 'cause neither of us can figure it out. Crazy, huh?
xxxxxOkay, so it goes like this: me and Daddy were eating dinner, right? And Daddy was washing dishes and I was almost done and I lifted my glass of water with my tentacle. But then, all of a sudden, this really weird red could went over my eyes and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. It was scary, even if it only lasted a moment. When I woke up, my tentacle has SMASHED the glass to bits! And Daddy was staring at me and said I had snarled, of all things. And since I'm part Patience, that was really unusual; it shouldn't have even happened, Daddy says. We reckon that I felt anger for the first time. It's the only thing that makes sense...
xxxxxSO, because we didn't know what to do, Daddy said I should go talk to Hyacinth 'bout it. That's a really good idea, too, since he's real wise and stuff. Plus I like him, and totally wouldn't mind seeing him again. ♥xxxxx So that's where I'm going, journal! Hope that I get some answers! You do too, okay?Love, Lironax ~
♥ ♥ ♥
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:00 am
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:41 am
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:42 am
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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fallingUPstairs__x x Crew
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 10:19 am
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