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 Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 9:51 pm
Alex has a very solid, unified concept. He's straightforward and believable but still has realistic quirks that make him interesting. He deals with realistic issues surrounding becoming a pilot and money issues.
I don't see any problems with him biggrin
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 10:33 pm
Cole sounds interesting, and has a well developed personality and interests. There aren't really any glaring issues, but there are a few things that you might want to think about or some areas to flesh out:
How does Feral Labs hear about Cole? He never went professional with his artwork, so why would they know about him to hire to do a mural for a large company? Especially if he's got such a large family that he's in contact with it might be tough to disappear him.
HIs hair: if he's in the military, there are strict requirements about how hair is to be worn - the longer, disheveled look I am pretty sure is frowned upon.
Why the barcode tattoo? I can understand the otheres (the symbolism of the eagle/brush, and the big family he comes from).
I've seen the theme a few times of the character who really wants to be one thing, but parents frown on it and forces them (or tries to) into a different direction - with Ambrose on the island (though he forced independence and got cut off) and with Pyke (though he's a quester and not an islander). There might be a few more, but I'm honestly getting muddled after so many concepts. But that's not a huge issue, and not that uncommon of an issue between parents/children anyway. But it might be something to chew on.
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:12 pm
Casey_Mae Official Critique Request Gaia Username: Limegreenhippychick (Main); Casey_Mae (IoDM Mule) Character Name: Casey_Mae Serum Animal(s): Fanaloka (Also known as Malagsey Civit and Fossa Fossana) Quest Thread:
You're asking for some advanced critique in the thread, so I'll go into more detail than just what's necessary for a seal.
Good detailwork on the initial profile!
I'm a little confused as to what would cause her weak immune system in reaction to the first injection? Are you talking about a problem with the serum, or in response to her irregular menstruations? If that's being regulated by the birth control, I see no reason that it would have that detrimental of an effect on her after her arrival.
I can tell that this character likely draws a lot on you yourself as an influence, and there's nothing wrong with that for this shop. It gives you a frame of reference to work from and allows you to "write what you know." The only stumbling block that might come from this is that unlike the real world, those who populate Gaia, or even more specifically the breedables/IoDM thread tend to have a lot in common - most are young women, with a range of similar interests and compatible personalities. And so when you see a lot of people with characters based off of themselves, they tend to fall into a similar feel: American late teens/early twenties, generally nice, open-minded, but with quirks, interests in pop culture scenes - dance and/or gaming and/or anime and/or art. We've got a few on the island at this point (Kim, Ivy, Hargun, Awen, Nita, Chana come to mind - some more so than others) and there are several questers as well.
She does have some unique angles, like the Mormon religion.
Again, there's nothing wrong about playing what you know, or a character vaguely based off of yourself, and it's nothing that wouldn't get you accepted on the island, but if you really want to drive the uniqueness of the character, it's something to think about.
Otherwise, I've heard more problems with children from religious parents branching off to different religions or becoming athiest than the other way around by far. Most parents who don't raise children religious allow them to look into religions and pick what makes sense to them. It seems a bit strange to me that she has parents who arent' very religious imposing that nonbelief on a child.
I'm sure there are exceptions, but that's just what I've observed.
The second background sounds more streamlined than the first - it flows better and has less snags. the first one's entry to the island scenario seems shakey and a bit contrived.
There still are a few areas that seem to need some more development and explanation: Why did she break up with Guy? Did she? did he?
As far as her entry to the island in the second, I would actually reccomend that instead of there actually being brain damage/potential for injury that that be a scare tactic. There are a LOT of recent entries onto the island to fix some medical problem, and a lot of quests on top of that. If she's living from paycheck to paycheck, and the doctors found that out (Does she even have medical insurance? If she doesn't live with her parents any more and doesn't have a steady job, it's very expensive) -and then if that information was forwarded through the proper channels, they could disappear her more easily with the scare tactic of brain damage even if the injury wasn't that severe.
Her boss would also be in a bad position - even if she fell off the ladder due to her own error, if she was on his premises then he could be in a position to be sued for a lot of money if there were complications. It makes sense he'd be overly nice and hope that she doesn't realize that she could stand to gain a lot financially.
Also, you don't need to have any specific reason to have a fanaloka. Most animal serums are random chocies or assignments from the bottles off the shelves.
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:17 pm
Alright!
Currently caught up with Critiques! (Omg! biggrin ))
I'm going to reopen this thread following this post. I will leave it open until either:
3 hours from now if I'm still awake or I wake up tomorrow morning.
Regardless, I won't close it unless there are at least 5 new people signed up.
I will post a second post when I close the thread to new entries.
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:31 pm
Official Critique Request Gaia Username: Shariea Character Name: Nicole Gray Serum Animal(s): Meerkat Quest Thread:Here
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Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:38 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 8:49 am
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Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 12:01 pm
Official Critique Request Gaia Username: Syrynx Character Name: Angela Lourdes Serum Animal(s): artists choice Quest Thread: Quest
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Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 1:39 pm
Official Critique RequestGaia Username: ErikTheRed Character Name: Erik Attaway Serum Animal(s): Ivory-billed Woodpecker Quest Thread: Here
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Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 2:04 pm
Official Critique Request
Gaia Username: Kokonotsu
Character Name: Noah Volgan
Serum Animal(s): Common House Mouse
Quest Thread: Here
It still is a work in prgress, but I haven't gotten many critiques except for Maryke and CuteFuz...not much to go on. I know the HOW he gets to the island is really shoddy as well...and I could use some help with that part too. XD;;
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Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 2:18 pm
Alright! And that's it for this round!
We'll be working through these at our own pace smile
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Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 4:12 am
Island of Moreau
Cole sounds interesting, and has a well developed personality and interests. There aren't really any glaring issues, but there are a few things that you might want to think about or some areas to flesh out:
How does Feral Labs hear about Cole? He never went professional with his artwork, so why would they know about him to hire to do a mural for a large company? Especially if he's got such a large family that he's in contact with it might be tough to disappear him.
HIs hair: if he's in the military, there are strict requirements about how hair is to be worn - the longer, disheveled look I am pretty sure is frowned upon.
Why the barcode tattoo? I can understand the otheres (the symbolism of the eagle/brush, and the big family he comes from).
I've seen the theme a few times of the character who really wants to be one thing, but parents frown on it and forces them (or tries to) into a different direction - with Ambrose on the island (though he forced independence and got cut off) and with Pyke (though he's a quester and not an islander). There might be a few more, but I'm honestly getting muddled after so many concepts. But that's not a huge issue, and not that uncommon of an issue between parents/children anyway. But it might be something to chew on.Thank you for the critique! I definatly hadn't even thought about the military hair oops! I think I find Cole a little dull around the edges, so I think I'm going to stick with my earlier concept of his sister, but I'm always teetering between the two of them! I'll keep working on him and now I'm going to have to figure out why he has the barcode, if only to sate my own curiosity! Thanks again! Oh the woes of picking an island character xd
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