I'm not in shock, I'm not sad, I'm hollow.

I was talking about how I got bummed out that she's going to be spending more time with her boyfriend and such because that's just how life works when you get our age, and she said "this is we we can't talk as much, it gives me guilt issues"

so.. I'm literally the reason she's been avoiding me.

It was me all along, I'm the problem. I don't care about anything anymore.

I'm not allowed to be sad about my best friend distancing herself from me, because it makes her feel bad. I'm not allowed to talk to her too much because it makes her feel guilty.. I'm not allowed to be human around her because it's unpleasant.

I'm so ******** done with this world. I don't care if the things I do in the future are stupid or have a lot of risk, I don't care about this world or my body anymore at all. Let it all rot, let everything fall apart, I don't care at all anymore.