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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
Man, ******** me over TWICE?
Getting tired of Chloe talking about how she's not going to leave me here to die, then she subtly references leaving me here to die.

She told me, "I wasn't saying you couldn't go with me!" when I get upset, but obviously she's just saying that to placate me. It's the same thing my mom used to tell me when I was younger.. she told me we'd escape together, then when she was actually getting close to being able to escape, she asked me if it'd be ok if she left me behind.. and I said sure, why the ******** not, right? I know my mom just wanted to escape the shithole that had become our home but ********, asking me if it's OK if she abandons me? That's pretty cold, in retrospect.

Same thing is going down now, except it's not as blunt. It's a "Oh I'm definitely leaving alone, but that's okay, right?" peppered in all of her statements. I don't even ******** care anymore, ******** leave.

Talking about that guy she likes, I told her if she hangs out with someone she just met that very instant, alone, at night, he's obviously going to think she just wants to ********, and she's like "yeah, I'm ok with that."

Like Oh, well, I didn't know you OK with jumping into bed with someone you don't even know, but alright whatever.

the real kicker comes from "You're upset now", she said.

It was almost in a "TEE HEE~! YOU'RE UPSET!" like well no ******** s**t I'd be upset if the person I loved went and started having random one night stands, who the ******** wouldn't? THAT'S ******** NORMAL, duh.

******** LAUGHING at me for having feelings. This is why I hide everything from everyone and no one ever sees me lose my cool. s**t like that. "Oh hee heee heee look how hurt he is, isn't that funny?" Yeah go ******** yourself with a trench spike. No one is going to see anything from me anymore.

I already stopped showing my true feelings around work, and I distanced myself from all my co-workers, as they've noticed. I barely see my family as is, and now I'm going to shut myself off completely from the rest.

******** gut me, leave me in a ditch to die? I'll ******** survive. I'm a lot ******** stronger than you manipulative little ******** think I am, I just play along with your stupid games letting you think you pull the strings. I just want to know how ******** up you really are before I decide what to do with you, that's all.

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