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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
she can't stand someone with a mentality like me
I don't know why she's even with me if she literally can't stand me

"it's not you I can't stand i'ts the mentality"

I'm sorry? I'm not going to change, I haven't changed my entire life, my life hasn't been difficult

I've only been suicidal and depressed because PEOPLE ******** me over, not situations, not life itself

I've had too many near misses to consider my life anything but absurdly lucky, and things always come through when it matters.

Nothing in my life is a coincidence, and she doesn't want to hear that, "it feels like we'll never leave this place and it makes me want to leave you"

so leave me. This is who I am, if you can't accept that, you can't accept me and hope I"ll change? leave.

If it's only you who escapes, that's fine. Leave, you'll be fine. you'll make your way out and do what needs to be done, no worries. you're a go getter and you're someone who can do it.

leave me to rot, it's what I deserve after all, with my mindset, right?

I'm not too concerned about it because my life has always been weird this way, my life has always been "easy", other people make mistakes and ******** up when I need it the most, not when I want it, but when I need it.

I needed out of dads house and chris ******** up and got kicked out.

I need a new job and things are shifting ever so slightly, cogs are turning and the great machine is whirring and bending, something is happening.

I'm not sure what, but we'll see.

Leave me. I'll be fine alone. I'll live or die, I'm not too worried. Life is about the journey, no one gets out alive anyways, right? I'm in no hurry to the end, I'm in no hurry to set some stupid goals, I just want to be happy. I want to be happy and live freely, I"m never going to be famous or a millionaire, but I'll be happy and free.


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