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Meg's stuff It's randomness and Fanfiction. Whee!


sheena_or_squall
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Nameless Wonder: Chapter 52
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Sanzo rolled his eyes, before he heard voices from behind the curtain.

“Hiya, Barbie…” It sounded like his voice, and yet not.

“Hi, Ken!” That sounded almost like Faren, only cheerier and ditzy.

“You wanna go for a ride?”

“Sure, Ken!”

“Jump in!”

The curtain rose and Sanzo’s clone sat in a very nice-looking car. Faren had the most ridiculous smile on her face, but her skin had a sheen like plastic over it.

“I’m a Barbie girl,
In a Barbie world.
Life in plastic,
It’s fantastic,
You can touch my hair,
Undress me everywhere…”
The smoldering look in her eyes made Sanzo have to look away, lest he – like Hakkai and Gojyo after Kyrahn’s little stunt – also be tilting the table.

“Imagination,
Life is your creation!”


Sanzo’s doppelganger jumped out of the car, tilting Faren’s head up. Sanzo went from wanting to sick to his stomach, watching another man, even another him, lay hands on her.

“Come on, Barbie,
Let’s go party…”


“I’m a Barbie girl,
In a Barbie world.
Life in plastic,
It’s fantastic,
You can touch my hair,
Undress me everywhere,
Imagination,
Life is your creation!”
She smiled dazzlingly again, moving across the stage seductively.

“I’m a blonde,
Bimbo girl,
In a fantasy world,
Dress me up,
Make it tight,
I’m your dolly…”


The blonde thing pretending to be Sanzo stepped up behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist. Sanzo’s hand tightened on his pistol.

“You’re my doll,
Rock and roll,
Feel the glamour in pink,
Kiss me here…”
He kissed her neck, “Touch me there…” His hand slid up her tanned thigh, “Hanky-panky.”

The monk’s hand now shook with the effort to maintain some self-control and not shoot the damn thing. It was just Faren trying to get a rise out of him again.

“You can touch,
You can play…”
She looked out at him, her eyes locked on his, “If you say,
I’m always yours…
Ooh,
I’m a Barbie girl,
In a Barbie world.
Life in plastic,
It’s fantastic,
You can touch my hair,
Undress me everywhere,
Imagination,
Life is your creation!”

“Come on Barbie,
Let’s go party.”

“Ah, ah, ah,
Yeah.”

“Come on Barbie,
Let’s go party.”

“Oooh, ooh,”

“Come on Barbie,
Let’s go party,”

“Ah, ah, ah,
Yeah.”

“Come on Barbie,
Let’s go party.”

“Oooh, ooh,”
She moved back over to him, drawing her hands over his chest. Sanzo slowly pulled the gun out of his robes.

“Make me walk,
Make me talk,
Do whatever you please…”
She couldn’t possibly be...she would never…"I can act like a star,
I can beg on my knees.”


That was the last shred of his frayed self-control. Seeing his Faren, gleefully on her knees in front of some other man’s…

He shot the thing in the head, and it fell like a limp rag. Faren jumped to her feet, turning around.

“What the hell?!” She snapped. He glared at her, standing up.





User Comments: [1]
The Unknown Angel.
Community Member





Mon Oct 05, 2009 @ 08:11pm


Since my comments' lengths seemed to be dwindling, I decided that I would simply write all of my thoughts in one big comment. ;D

As an overview, you did pretty well~ You stayed in character, which is nice as I always say, and you had a menagerie of lengths that were not too long or too short; the average length per post had been long enough to keep my attention. You also ended the chapter and started a new one at opportune moments for the most part. Also, there were little grammatical errors that really popped out at and/or irked me; the use of the ellipsis in a few chapters is a bit questionable, though it's nothing too burdensome and adds to the way your posts should be read.

Hmmn, well, I certainly did enjoy the first two chapters. I never hide my fondness for Goku nor Shii-Ra, that's certain. ;] I only wish that you added more about the source of the Gods' pre-marital problems before returning the cast to modern times. For example, stating what they had been arguing about, or what had caused the argumentation in the first place. I'm hoping Faren and Sanzo don't quite end up as it seems Fah-Ree's relationship will with Konzen, that's certain. XD

Your next couple of chapters, in their brevity and vagueness, were completed rather swimmingly. You accomplished what you needed to say without much error, so I won't say anything more of them than I'm rather happy with them. ^^

You started your next chapter well; it caught my attention immediately. Starting your chapter with dialogue certainly did well! "What the hell do you mean you're leaving?" I laughed and thought that it was exactly like the priest to do something like that, furthermore stating that it was because his wife was a distraction. I wish you would have mentioned the expressions on the faces of the Sanzo Party as they left, because they certainly wouldn't want to do something like that. D:

However, the ending of your chapter seemed to let me down. It seemed to be...lacking, almost anti-climactic and trite, especially compared to the opening of the passage.

^__^ After that, though, the beginnings and endings of your chapter aren't too bad~! A lot of random lines caught my eye and certainly tickled...me pink. I'm typically a fan of integrating songs--and their lyrics--into pieces, though if they drive the whole chapter, it loses that aspect of which I like. Needless to say, I only really skimmed through the latter couple of chapters. xD Sorry. With how the most recent chapter ended--this one, in fact!--I can't wait to see where you plan on going with this. :'D


User Comments: [1]
 
 
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