Need Help or Ideas? Come to the Think Tank and Idea Box!

[Da Fuji Apple]

Hey tank, joining the big fish in here now! So basically, I'm trying to save the world from another possiable Mary Sue story. If you'll bear with me for a moment, I'll tell you my basic idea, then I need you to tell me if you think I'm about to make another 'kill me now my eyes are bleeding' plot.

So I got this idea during a history lesson actually.

So there's these two brothers, one of whom is the King. His younger brother could have taken the throne if he'd wanted to, but had decided against it, preferring to leave the task of running the country to his older brother and instead work as the King's Champion/right hand.

One night though, the older brother became suspicious after someone attempted to assassinate him. He had his brother and his brother's squire locked away in a tower to be tried and likely executed the next day. The younger brother didn't want for that to happen obviously, exspecially to the innocent squire, so he made a rope of sheets and escaped, yada yada yada, the rest of the story is about finding out more about the Squire, who plays a big role, and about the younger brother trying to figure out what's possessed his older brother to go mad like he has.

Here's where things get dicey.

>Yes, I plan for magic and demons
>The Squire is actually a girl that the younger brother picked up off the streets, not knowing she was female, and made her his heir or something along those lines. The ironic thing-? She's his daughter or niece (yet to decide which)
>The King's actually being possessed by a demon that wants to throw the word into chaos

So, Any way to fix this before it becomes too Mary Sue or is it a hopeless cause?

[I am The Compendium]

It sounds fine so far. Heck, it sounds like a great comedy/drama/action piece. Heck I've written a 'thinks she's a guy, but it's really his daughter' thing (she ran away and he married her mom) myself.

Actually, the demons/magic thing could ruin it. Write it out first and first it later if you have a pretty good idea, but make the magic consistent and match it to the rest of the story (if most of it is serious, stick very closely to religion. If your story is more campy, seriousness might not be the best route.)

[Da Fuji Apple]

I was thinking that the demons would be more of a...how to put it...non tangible thing. It's like...peoples thoughts and sins made into reality...idk, it's not well thought out just yet. Oh well, if no demons, I'll have to find some other reason for the King's sudden madness

[I am The Compendium]

Aris Dreamer

I was thinking that the demons would be more of a...how to put it...non tangible thing. It's like...peoples thoughts and sins made into reality...idk, it's not well thought out just yet. Oh well, if no demons, I'll have to find some other reason for the King's sudden madness

Yup, that's demons back then. Evil forces that make you act upon desires you shouldn't.

[Da Fuji Apple]

I am The Compendium

Aris Dreamer

I was thinking that the demons would be more of a...how to put it...non tangible thing. It's like...peoples thoughts and sins made into reality...idk, it's not well thought out just yet. Oh well, if no demons, I'll have to find some other reason for the King's sudden madness

Yup, that's demons back then. Evil forces that make you act upon desires you shouldn't.

OK smile Thank you for the help! Now just to lay out all the characters then take the Mary Sue quiz on them before I get started! mrgreen Can you tell I'm very anti-Mary sue?

[I am The Compendium]

Aris Dreamer

I am The Compendium

Aris Dreamer

I was thinking that the demons would be more of a...how to put it...non tangible thing. It's like...peoples thoughts and sins made into reality...idk, it's not well thought out just yet. Oh well, if no demons, I'll have to find some other reason for the King's sudden madness

Yup, that's demons back then. Evil forces that make you act upon desires you shouldn't.

OK smile Thank you for the help! Now just to lay out all the characters then take the Mary Sue quiz on them before I get started! mrgreen Can you tell I'm very anti-Mary sue?

Mary Sue quizzes don't actually help one you've reached your level of writing.

[I am The Compendium]

I want to know if this makes sense and if it doesn't, how to fix it.

I have a race who can bend the dimensions like width, breadth, height, etc (not time).

They use corporal punishment as they see fit, bending dimensions to but a limb off and then put the dimensions 'back'.

They've bent and pretty much tangled the dimensions so much doing this that they've created something so bent, it pretty much breaks anything that comes in contact with it and the still use their powers, thus it moves.

[Da Fuji Apple]

that's very confusing. The only reason I kinda get what you're getting at is because I recently read a book that had to deal with quantum physics things like that...

So basically, they can bend the universe to their wills (except time) to change things as they want. In your example, they can chop off and arm but then 'will it' back. However, they've done it so much that there's a rift in space that is destroying the universe, but they're not doing anything to stop it because it would disrupt their world. Have I got it?

[I am The Compendium]

Aris Dreamer

that's very confusing. The only reason I kinda get what you're getting at is because I recently read a book that had to deal with quantum physics things like that...

So basically, they can bend the universe to their wills (except time) to change things as they want. In your example, they can chop off and arm but then 'will it' back. However, they've done it so much that there's a rift in space that is destroying the universe, but they're not doing anything to stop it because it would disrupt their world. Have I got it?

They can't will back the arm, but thy can put the dimensions back in order. Sorry for explaining it badly.

But the rest is pretty much right.

Yes, I did take beginner's quantum and I studied the string theory a lot when thinking this up.

[Da Fuji Apple]

ok, so yeah, I like the sound of that then. It should be interesting. It kinda reminds of the song 'Forsaken' by Within Temptation. Listen to it, it might help inspire you further for this smile

Quantum makes my brain hurt, but it's really interesting

[ReaperFan7]

Whoa! That was a lot to read! sweatdrop It was awsome though. XDD

[1upMushroomCloud]

I am The Compendium

Aris Dreamer

that's very confusing. The only reason I kinda get what you're getting at is because I recently read a book that had to deal with quantum physics things like that...

So basically, they can bend the universe to their wills (except time) to change things as they want. In your example, they can chop off and arm but then 'will it' back. However, they've done it so much that there's a rift in space that is destroying the universe, but they're not doing anything to stop it because it would disrupt their world. Have I got it?

They can't will back the arm, but thy can put the dimensions back in order. Sorry for explaining it badly.

But the rest is pretty much right.

Yes, I did take beginner's quantum and I studied the string theory a lot when thinking this up.

I like the idea and it sounds interesting but I want more information on what it is that's the big dangerous thing.

And, where do their powers come from? Is it psychic? Magical? Divine? And do you know how that would work?

And personally I've been more of a Relativity kind of guy, and it sounds like your idea is based on Einstein's theories on space-time.

[I am The Compendium]

1upMushroomCloud

I like the idea and it sounds interesting but I want more information on what it is that's the big dangerous thing.

Sure, what needs explaining about it

1upMushroomCloud

And, where do their powers come from? Is it psychic? Magical? Divine? And do you know how that would work?

Their powers are magical, limited only to people of that magic race.

Know what would work?

1upMushroomCloud

And personally I've been more of a Relativity kind of guy, and it sounds like your idea is based on Einstein's theories on space-time.

I thought relativity was that once something goes at the speed of light, it appears to happen at different times from different points.

I seem to be kinda dumb today, sorry.