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[irotlee]

Well, speaking out of personal experience... my best friend and I roleplay smut and porn together.

I do not see it as any form of cheating whatsoever. We both enjoy writing porn. But just because I find the characters and plot in my story to be sexy, doesn't mean I want to be with the person who helped me write it. The two of us spend hours discussing plot and character development. We use each other as an opinion and help to improve our writing abilities. I view her more as a critique.

Honestly, you just have to talk it out with your significant other. They could be completely innocent, yet there is still a possibility that they are getting something else out of roleplaying.

I just don't want you to assume any cheating is going on because plenty of people do it just for fun.

[save us technoangel]

angel_259236102

i see. i understand somewhat, because i have done a lot of that type of rping in my day too. however, it might not change the situation, but the situation i described in the first post just started not too long ago. so, they met a new friend and is smut rping with them, they have not known them for very long.

irotlee

i understand that, too! i know where you're coming from, and i'm mostly confident that they're not romantically interested in this person or anything, but it still brings me a level of discomfort. my erotophobia plays a very large part in it, i think. although my SO says it's okay, they understand, it's just that i can't help but feel like i'm unable to satisfy their needs for intimacy so they must go somewhere else to get it. that's kind of digging deeper into the issue, though.

[Duckling Teeth]

If I was in that situation, I'd be upset if my boyfriend didn't talk to me about it or get my okay first.
Because that sort of thing can be considered cheating in some relationships, and I know I personally wouldn't be comfortable doing it unless I talked it out with my boyfriend ahead of time.

It's completely okay and valid to be upset about this, but, as you know, you need to talk this out with your SO, and if he cares about you, he'll understand.

[Kaori242]

That's a tricky thing. Each couple's going to have their own standards.

Personally, I think I'd cry if my SO decided he needed to collaboratively fantasize about sex/write erotica with a friend, especially since we're in an LDR, and, well, textual communication is kind of huge, so even if it's just with characters, it feels like a betrayal.

I mean, RP isn't exactly known for its literary finesse and value. If it's an RP "containing adult themes", really, it's just erotica. That they're writing with someone else, thinking about what they'd like to --

OhGodIfeelkindofsick.

[Shadow of Purple]

I think there is a big difference between cybering and role playing. I wouldn't have any problem if my fiance role played sex as long as it had plot with it. Like it was mostly plot but somewhat smutty. They are playing a character after all. It would be the same as them writing it themselves except it's more realistic with another person controlling the other character(s). Cybering is cheating hands down, though. You are not role playing. You are just pretending that you are having sex with another person. They are both them self and flirting and doing something you should only do with your partner. Although, I don't think it's as bad as flirting in real life. I feel like it's a gateway type thing. Like it will lead into something else. I guess I probably wouldn't like it either, though if my fiance was having a smut role play with someone that he was close with. I wouldn't approve of that.

Basically: As long as it is story-driven, you're not playing yourself and with someone that you don't know personally then I don't consider it cheating.

[SpunkyStrikesAgain]

I don't think it's cheating until someone's having sex w/ someone else outside the relationship. As of right now this rp thing is just fantasy. I wouldn't take it to heart.

[Quokka Flocka Flame]

If you violate the boundaries you have in your relationship, that is cheating; these boundaries vary from relationship to relationship. Cyber stuff may be a huge no-no for some couples, but I really don't care if my partner does that so long as there's no lying about it going on.

[Inscriven]

Generally speaking no, most situations everyone involved in RPs understand that what happens in the universe stays in that universe. It wouldn't be impossible for people to have proxy sexytimes through their characters, but if that were the case then you'd see more typical behaviors of cheating: being away for long periods of time, defensive attitude, lack of intimacy within the relationship all of a sudden, etc. etc.

The boundaries of a relationship are unique to a couple and have to be determined by the partners. Just because my relationship has X boundaries, you shouldn't believe that it should apply to yours too. It' s just a unique situation. Because you have some strong issues with self-esteem/worth, I think you are well within your rights to voice your concerns about how his e-rp is making you feel. This isn't about controlling what he does, but rather asking him to respect you and look out for you because this is hurting you, and hurting the relationship. if he continues to do this.

[The Silent Paladin]

It depends on how you and your partner see it. If he gets some sort of attachment to the person he erotically rp's with, it may be considered cheating on you emotionally. But you won't know until you ask him what he gets out of sexual rp. Does he just like to write and hates censoring things? Or is it something more? It depends on the kind of person he is and what he sees it as.

[Decaying Harlot]

I'd consider it cheating but I'm just not comfortable with that kind of crap, some people are.
To each their own, right? If you don't feel comfortable with it, bring it up.
Communication is key in any relationship and it isn't 'controlling' to talk about it and ask them to stop if it makes you uncomfortable.

[hoolygun]

Well, it depends on how you interpret sex in a relationship.

I talk about sexual fantasies with close friends; we laugh and share about it. Talk about kinks and turn-ons, mention certain details we find to be appealing. But I do not go into complete, second-by-second detail with anyone I am not in a romantic relationship with (spare a few casual encounters, which I am embarrassed to have participated in, even though I was single at the time). So I, personally, find that walking through a sexual scenario with someone is something to be saved for your SO. I would consider it cheating, myself; they are getting sexual gratification, however small/indirectly, from another person. If I was in your situation, I would put my boot down right about then.

BUT. Some people are more casual about sex, and that's fine. If you don't mind the idea of your SO 'getting off', or just relieving tension, with another person, than so be it. Or maybe you're uncomfortable with being left out of the loop, in which case you could ask to be included in the roleplay (either by making your own character or simply reading along with the posts).

I mean, it's up to you. I don't think it's 'too controlling' to want sexual attentions to be exclusive, so I think you would be in the right to step in, if you felt the need to.

[Ranallo Jenner]

If you're okay with it and don't consider it to be cheating, then you're okay with it and don't consider it to be cheating. If you aren't okay with it and consider it to be cheating, then you aren't okay with it and consider it to be cheating.

The opinions that you receive will be different, so what really matters is how you personally feel about it. RP or not, I think in all likelihood a lot of people would be upset if they found out that their romantic partner was talking romantically and sexually to someone else.