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[save us technoangel]

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[Relic_League]

I role play but I do not role play smut/cyber or porn. It is personal preference.
My fiance and I find it fine to role play characters dating or kissing or odd butt smack e.t.c flirting. But when you're writing about how much your character is screaming from having sex....and so on because I wont go into detail...I think that has crossed the line. But then I don't see the purpose of smut since every role player I know finds it a bit of a turn on.
I'd just talk it out; I consider watching proper porn cheating and my fiance doesn't care for it so works fine and he doesn't role play which works well too.

Perverted books, anime, manga e.t.c is fine. Just not porn. We watched Rosarioa Vampire an anime and....oh dear; so many sexual themes. But it wasn't a huge porn fest.

Just talkt it out: "What is cheating" whatever you think it is. Everyone has different opinions on it.

[save us technoangel]

Kanto-chan

I role play but I do not role play smut/cyber or porn. It is personal preference.
My fiance and I find it fine to role play characters dating or kissing or odd butt smack e.t.c flirting. But when you're writing about how much your character is screaming from having sex....and so on because I wont go into detail...I think that has crossed the line. But then I don't see the purpose of smut since every role player I know finds it a bit of a turn on.
I'd just talk it out; I consider watching proper porn cheating and my fiance doesn't care for it so works fine and he doesn't role play which works well too.

Perverted books, anime, manga e.t.c is fine. Just not porn. We watched Rosarioa Vampire an anime and....oh dear; so many sexual themes. But it wasn't a huge porn fest.

Just talkt it out: "What is cheating" whatever you think it is. Everyone has different opinions on it.

yeah, i get that. i don't care whether or not they watch porn and the such, i think it's just the personal aspect of them roleplaying with this semi-mutual friend of ours that bothers me the most.

[Relic_League]

save us technoangel

In my eyes it is cheating.
In someone else's eyes it is not.
For my fiance I dont know; since it has never happened and never will.
He'd probably dislike it as well.
Yeah I'm a fun "anti-porn" person; which some disagree with me on; personal preference.

I'd sit down and talk to them. If you consider it cheating no one has the right to convince you otherwise or guilt you into it. If they don't consider it cheating; try and meet half way? Ecchi role play instead of hard core porn? If you're partner wont even meet half way; you're completely stuck however.

Since this is based on opinions; I'd talk to your partner. See how they react. (:

[Delightful_FOOL]

I sort of have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, why is the smut nessecary? Can't you just do a time jump? But, on the other hand, it could just be porn. An interactive one, but porn nonetheless. Like, these are just characters that you're watching. I wonder if there would be any hesitation if it were, say, a video game or a live webcam show? I think the fact that the person he has these scenarios with is a mutual friend and it's not like a video game that can be shut off makes a difference. So, even though they are just characters and it may just be like porn, the fact that they continue to talk afterwards--even if it's just mundane things like the weather--gives it n air of inappropriateness. Definitely a conundrum...

[save us technoangel]

Kanto-chan

Delightful_FOOL

thank you both very much for your thoughts. u o u i do plan on talking to them, but i cannot at the moment as they are asleep and i am on campus. i wanted to get some perspective first, to make sure i'm not being some crazy controlling person or not. i really hate to ruin their fun, but.... i don't think i can handle dealing with this ugh.

[NYANEKO]

Online- what little you have in your online relationship can be easily comprimised by lack of true trust....so how are you to know what exactly goes on in an "RP" or where the line is drawn? It would be specfic to each relationships and the boundaries and rules the couple sets.

Real life- any thing behind another's back. honesty and trust are the foundation of a relationship. so any behaviour that's secretive is pretty much wrong. especialy if it's sexual, and you wouldn't wantyour boyfriend/grilfriend to know about it.

ultimately any action that would make the other feel uncomfertable or upset, can be considered cheating. wether it's kissing, flirty messages, or full blown sex. you shoudl always talk about these things with your partner and be honest. it's better to tell them ahead of time if you feel tempted about doing some thing and talk about it.

this is, at least, my opinion.

[milkypretty]

Hmm... that's tougher to answer than I originally thought it would be.
I guess I wouldn't consider it cheating if my boyfriend role played sexually with another person. (If he role played at all, that is.) However, if it progressed from the desires of the characters to the desires of the two people to have sex, I think it would be crossing a line.

[fubenkunai]

I don't think it's cheating, because it's fiction and because adult themes can have a place in fiction. An RP where characters get romantically involved, for example, isn't all that different from a TV show where characters get romantically involved. Some people like to read about and write about relationships. Sometimes, that could involve sexual content. If we're not talking about a glorified cyber-hole, I'm comfortable classing RPs as fiction and letting folks write their hearts out about stuff that interests them. If it is a glorified cyber-hole, well, that would bear talking about, because maybe that's on the border between porn and cheating, depending on how you look at it.

But that is just my opinion on it. I shared the whys with you because it might help you formulate your own thoughts, but you don't have to agree. You do have to talk to your partner about this, because you two need to be on the same page and following the same relationship rules.

[Pom Graines]

Cheating is when someone in the relationship breaks a boundary of that relationship. To some people, this may not be cheating. Even people with the issues you mentioned, it may be okay. The thing to ask yourself isn't necessarily what others think and feel, but what you and your partner think and feel. If the one with the phobia and esteem issues is in therapy, (and if not I recommend they try), then I would recommend they bring this up with their therapist on how to best approach their particular situation. You need to discover your own limits, your own comforts, your own reassurances.

I can certainly understand where this can be crossing a boundary in your relationship. If you are in a monogamous relationship than sexual interaction with a friend, even if it's just text and drawn pictures, is pretty damn iffy territory. I personally find it different than watching porn, there is an interactivity and personal feeling that isn't otherwise there (personal connection to the character, personal friendship with the person on the other side). Personally, I feel that friends you RP sex with are pretty much FWBs (though these benefits are textual and pictorial, they are still sexual benefits with a friend), but that's my perspective. In my relationship it's absolutely not cheating, because we've established our rules and boundaries as such and aren't in a monogamous relationship. But again, it's not my relationship in question here.

You need to figure out how this makes you feel. This sounds like something that perhaps was happening before you got into a relationship with your partner? If so it really should have been discussed before hand, but sometimes that forethought on all sides gets missed. It happens. But it likely will be tricky to navigate and negotiate from here.

Just remember that your thoughts and feelings are important. So are you partner's, mind you, but neither of you should be shoved aside for the other. You should come to a reasonable conclusion you can both be satisfied with, or if this is a sticking point, that's okay too and you need to realize if this is just an incompatibility that cannot be resolved. It happens sometimes and it's okay, it's better than staying in a relationship that someone is getting the short-end of the stick with and having to stuff their feelings.

That being said, this sounds like a tricky situation because it also involves individual phobia and esteem issues. Perhaps an option if you cannot work it out would be to consider relationship counselling to help you mediate the situation.

[angel_259236102]

How would I feel? NOthing? Its just another rp. The thing is there isnt any person stuff. They arent getting THEMSELVES drawn. It is still rp charcters that are not them. And arent taken seriously as them.

I think it would be way too controling for you to stop your partner too on this because this is not only a part of the writing rp wahtever community but likely stuff they have done before, and just because you have trouble seperating rp with person, doesnt mean they have to suffer for it.

[GrandpaJones]

save us technoangel

i have kind of a specific issue i'd like your opinions on, but also the question in general (what is cheating?). it deals with rping, so i'm interested in getting responses from people who are familiar with rping as well as those who have never done it.

ANYWAY.

imagine, you and your significant other are roleplayers/writers/as well as artists. you roleplay with original characters. you're both adults. your SO is in an rp with a friend, and it includes adult themes (porn/smut) and things from it get drawn/illustrated. how do you feel? to boot, you suffer from erotophobia which is very difficult and makes you feel guilty for not being able to give your SO enough attention, and struggle with self-esteem issues in general.

i feel... bad. from a roleplayer's perspective, though, i think these scenarios are kind of common. i don't think the community considers roleplaying smut with someone else to be cheating. that makes me feel worse, like i'm being too controlling.

i know it's something i must work out with my SO personally and i plan to do that but i'm interested in getting some perspective first and i have no where else to turn to. ;;

I feel that when you interact sexually with another person then whom you are with is, is Cheating.....RPING sexually is a fantasy and It is so easy to do. For some reason people on the net sure are more open, if they were like that in real life it would be so wonderful......I have felt at times that I would like to do it...but.....
anytime you think of another person other then the one that you are with, it is cheating but it seems to be right sometimes.... and in actuality it is just being HUMAN, simply being human.
so in conclusion life is full of temptations....

gramps

[Lady Shortness]

I don't think I would consider it cheating, exactly, but if it bothered me the first thing I'd do is have a sit-down to tell him so. If he can allay my discomfort with the situation, then, hey, problem solved! If not, we would (ideally) find some sort of solution together. The main thing, to me, is to communicate. Let him know that you feel uncomfortable with it and then take things from there. 3nodding

[save us technoangel]

thank you all for your responses so far!! i'd reply to you each individually but that might be too much for me right now. ;;

Mameoyashi

the FWB thing is very interesting, and though i wouldn't quite put it at that, i think it's a good description. we're monogamous, but i think we should reestablish what our boundaries are very soon. we both have depression/anxiety disorders, and both have counselors. i haven't gotten help for my phobia yet, though. it's, well... scary. 9_6

angel_259236102

is it too controlling? i worry about that. but it's specifically with original characters, they have a little bit of ourselves in them. i know they've smut roleplayed for many years. i think, if they were rping with strangers it would be kind of different, but these are mutual friends that are getting porn drawn and written together. would you consider cheating to be something that's purely physical, or?

[angel_259236102]

save us technoangel

is it too controlling? i worry about that. but it's specifically with original characters, they have a little bit of ourselves in them. i know they've smut roleplayed for many years. i think, if they were rping with strangers it would be kind of different, but these are mutual friends that are getting porn drawn and written together. would you consider cheating to be something that's purely physical, or?

If they were cybering, that is cheating. But they arent. Even if it is a little of them, it ISNT them. It is still a character. And it is something they were doing for years, just to have fun. They arent saying they are in a rleationship, they are just rolepaying with characters.

I dont see why strangers would make it better, because that is just a random person and thhat woud be more worrisome to me. But 2 friends doing what they did for years knowing the boundaries and what it means and doenst mean is a good thing. There is no one person is rping and the other is thinking it is more.