How Can I Deal With My Jealousy?

[Blackrose_Knight]

GoldenEnlightenment

Talk to him about it. He loves you, and he'll listen to your concerns.
Ask him to make sure SHE keeps is casual. Term it this way so he doesn't feel like you aren't trusting of him.
Be expected to not know things that you probably don't want to know, and won't hurt you not to know (like that most guys masturbate to women they can't have, it's a guy thing, don't get too caught up. they're animals and it means nothing).

Most people who masturbate, masturbate to strangers or unknowns at least some of the time. Its human nature. I recommend A Billion Wicked Thoughts if you want to see what metadata of internet porn searches yields about human sexuality. Good book. I find the narrative of "women masturbate to feel good situations and emotions" to be hugely based in cultural narrative of women not having a voracious sex drive. It supports the myth that women aren't sexual beings with purely sexual, wanton, needs. It tames beast, so to speak. I think most girls are TAUGHT to masturbate (if at all) to fee-fee's and fear their raw sexual power - good girls don't think slutty thoughts!

[5th Dimension Morning]

GoldenEnlightenment

5th Dimension Morning

GoldenEnlightenment

5th Dimension Morning

And it just so happens I did get my research from university databanks, I just don't see any point writing a term paper for someone who wanted advice on a website for TEENS.
You are the troll; a stubborn, arrogant berk, who's main purpose on this forum is to knit pick at every conclusion or suggestion given.
While I'd love to stay and point out your personal fallacies, you've yet to produce one iota of evidence towards the topic, your argument, or a counter argument. In fact, all you've done is made this about you. I hope this little bit of attention from a stranger helps you live your life, although my last suggestion would be to go outside once in a while and learn how to make friends.
There's no logic to your existence here.

btw, it really sounds like you need to get laid when you talk about all the "gender locking" bullshit, just a heads up for when someone points it out later

I'm going to have to ask you to cite your sources now, because that doesn't sound like an academically supported claim at all.

I'm not a troll for fostering reasoned debate.

by all means, point out my fallacies! that's what I welcome. that's the kind of discussion I want to have. one where we make points and counterpoints, mention eachothers errors, and strive for a logically deduced conclusion together! that is fulfilling.

I have not made this personal. you have been turning everythinga round on me, making personal attacks, and unjustified claims about me and my intentions. I have continued to discuss the issues. though at this point I can see you have cleverly trapped me in a discussion that is now more about me than about what we were previously discussing. more evidence that you are not at all stupid, but rather just a troll. I admit, a very skilled one.

I also have plenty of friends, and that is an Ad Hominem and a Red Herring.

also, the statement that my existence is not logical is a very poorly constructed Red Herring. though I would say that it would be up to debate whether anyone's existence is logical or not.

and the statement that I need to get laid is also a Red Herring. it is also a terrible and dismissive statement to make at all, as though the answer to every problem is sex (or at least that the answer to any sort of disagreeable position is to have sex). that is one of the most harmful ******** things to say. you have no place to decide how often or under what circumstances I have sex. you have no place to tell me why I should have sex. and you have no place to suggest that my feelings, opinions, or behaviors will change if I were just to have sex.

Ad Hominem much?

that's not an Ad Hominem.

[5th Dimension Morning]

Prince_PW

Beezerific

So I've been married now for almost 9 months and my husband and I are extremely happy, thank God. Problem is that at his job there is a chick that he was crushing on for a while before he and I became an item and I know that he would never cheat on me but I can't help feeling like I want to punch that girl's face in whenever he mentions her or when she calls or texts him.
I just want to get over this feeling of pure jealousy and rage over this girl. Can anyone give me some advice?

I believe jealousy is perfectly healthy in a relationship, it proves your feelings for your partner are valid and that shows you care. Push this chick out of the picture, who did he marry? Who has he been happy with for many months? You. I think you should confront her if the situation gets unbearable, possibly block her number?

jealousy is unhealthy in any relationship. and to forcibly prevent him from talking to other people, or to demand that he stop talking to ther people, is to be controlling, possessive, abusive, and shows a lack of trust.

[5th Dimension Morning]

Sladeus

5th Dimension Morning

Sladeus

I'm coming out of nowhere but if your husband respects you he would not involve unprofessional phone calls to his cell phone as a married man. This s**t is obvious. What you need to do is get all the facts and bring it to his face with a choice. I'm a guy. Shits obvious. Hope things work out for you.

that's bullshit. you saying that men can't have friends? or that men and women can't be friends without there being some kind of sexual tension? because you'd be wrong if you think that. and yet, that is what you are implying by this statement.

Considering the information given from her point of view, that is what I'm saying is going on. You're defending males or male right's or some s**t (lol), or a man you don't even know, that's your business. But don't invalidate my advice when I'm only coming from what I have experienced in the past. Sure, men and women can have that kind of friendship. Did you read the original post? In most cases why would a married man keep in touch with an old fling? Okay, why would a WOMAN keep in touch with an old fling? Ask anybody in here how they feel about that. To have coffee and talk about how fun work is? Are you stupid?

if he really loves his wife, he wouldn't betray her trust. there is no reason to worry that he would cheat.

[5th Dimension Morning]

scrapist

I dunno. I wouldn't let my guard down, but I wouldn't act upon it unless I had reasonable suspicion. And the only action I'd really perform is leaving when it became too stressful, or giving up and not giving a s**t if he cheats.

Realistically it's your best option. You'd be kidding yourself if you told yourself they weren't thinking about it too.

Above post is church.

or.... you could just talk to your spouse. neutral seriously, I see no indication that her husband would cheat on her. even OP says she trusts her husband. so there isn't anything to worry about. she just needs to talk with him, and get her feelings out, and she'll feel better.

[Kori Kurdistan]

have faith and believe in your spouse

that or talk to them on how you feel

i don't want to sound rude when i say this, but if you're husband cheats, then...that says something about his faith in you. you are a woman. dominate your man and show him why he's bound to you.

...uh, i did not mean to sound that dirty, by the way

[Duke of Lalune]

5th Dimension Morning

Sladeus

5th Dimension Morning

Sladeus

I'm coming out of nowhere but if your husband respects you he would not involve unprofessional phone calls to his cell phone as a married man. This s**t is obvious. What you need to do is get all the facts and bring it to his face with a choice. I'm a guy. Shits obvious. Hope things work out for you.

that's bullshit. you saying that men can't have friends? or that men and women can't be friends without there being some kind of sexual tension? because you'd be wrong if you think that. and yet, that is what you are implying by this statement.

Considering the information given from her point of view, that is what I'm saying is going on. You're defending males or male right's or some s**t (lol), or a man you don't even know, that's your business. But don't invalidate my advice when I'm only coming from what I have experienced in the past. Sure, men and women can have that kind of friendship. Did you read the original post? In most cases why would a married man keep in touch with an old fling? Okay, why would a WOMAN keep in touch with an old fling? Ask anybody in here how they feel about that. To have coffee and talk about how fun work is? Are you stupid?

if he really loves his wife, he wouldn't betray her trust. there is no reason to worry that he would cheat.

Ah...I didn't mean to get personal. I think making a pissing contest of who's point of view is more valid than who's is juvenile and pointless. Just laying down my opinion. Anyway the point of the thread was to give advice and I'm not trying to s**t on other people's opinions. Everyone has a valid point in here I won't debate with without facts. Depends on the original poster of who's advice to take that best suits her situation. We don't know the entire story. Hope things work out for original poster.

[Usagi No Kimi]

5th Dimension Morning

Prince_PW

Beezerific

So I've been married now for almost 9 months and my husband and I are extremely happy, thank God. Problem is that at his job there is a chick that he was crushing on for a while before he and I became an item and I know that he would never cheat on me but I can't help feeling like I want to punch that girl's face in whenever he mentions her or when she calls or texts him.
I just want to get over this feeling of pure jealousy and rage over this girl. Can anyone give me some advice?

I believe jealousy is perfectly healthy in a relationship, it proves your feelings for your partner are valid and that shows you care. Push this chick out of the picture, who did he marry? Who has he been happy with for many months? You. I think you should confront her if the situation gets unbearable, possibly block her number?

jealousy is unhealthy in any relationship. and to forcibly prevent him from talking to other people, or to demand that he stop talking to ther people, is to be controlling, possessive, abusive, and shows a lack of trust.

Well thats your view and I completely respect that. But I believe eradicating the problem entirely would be an option instead of letting it fester and set the rot in the relationship.

[Frantic Search]

Be honest with your husband and tell him that it bothers you. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Usagi No Kimi

5th Dimension Morning

Prince_PW

Beezerific

So I've been married now for almost 9 months and my husband and I are extremely happy, thank God. Problem is that at his job there is a chick that he was crushing on for a while before he and I became an item and I know that he would never cheat on me but I can't help feeling like I want to punch that girl's face in whenever he mentions her or when she calls or texts him.
I just want to get over this feeling of pure jealousy and rage over this girl. Can anyone give me some advice?

I believe jealousy is perfectly healthy in a relationship, it proves your feelings for your partner are valid and that shows you care. Push this chick out of the picture, who did he marry? Who has he been happy with for many months? You. I think you should confront her if the situation gets unbearable, possibly block her number?

jealousy is unhealthy in any relationship. and to forcibly prevent him from talking to other people, or to demand that he stop talking to ther people, is to be controlling, possessive, abusive, and shows a lack of trust.

Well thats your view and I completely respect that. But I believe eradicating the problem entirely would be an option instead of letting it fester and set the rot in the relationship.

There is a difference between addressing the issue (what is causing the OP to uncomfortable with her husband forming close working relationships with women) than just saying "Nope, can't talk to her. No go." Its not functional for their work environment, its certainly not functional for the marriage. Saying "You can't talk to x" does not address the problem, a problem the OP has with people forming connections with her husband. What you are suggesting ignores the problem - its an avoidance tactic. It doesn't get to the nitty gritty of WHY the OP struggles with her husband forming bonds with other people. That is the real problem here. The OP has some what I deem "emotional s**t" to work through. First step of that is owning it. "Yeppers, I have a problem with this, and I think we need to figure out why." That is how healthy adults work through emotional stuffs.

Also, saying "I forbid you to talk to x person" is honestly, a douchey, controlling, not okay thing to do in normative, emotionally healthy relationships. You cannot, and should not control your partner in that manner. Its unbecoming, unethical, and most of the time, is avoidance rather than dealing with, and working through your own emotional baggage concerning insecurities.

[5th Dimension Morning]

Usagi No Kimi

5th Dimension Morning

Prince_PW

Beezerific

So I've been married now for almost 9 months and my husband and I are extremely happy, thank God. Problem is that at his job there is a chick that he was crushing on for a while before he and I became an item and I know that he would never cheat on me but I can't help feeling like I want to punch that girl's face in whenever he mentions her or when she calls or texts him.
I just want to get over this feeling of pure jealousy and rage over this girl. Can anyone give me some advice?

I believe jealousy is perfectly healthy in a relationship, it proves your feelings for your partner are valid and that shows you care. Push this chick out of the picture, who did he marry? Who has he been happy with for many months? You. I think you should confront her if the situation gets unbearable, possibly block her number?

jealousy is unhealthy in any relationship. and to forcibly prevent him from talking to other people, or to demand that he stop talking to ther people, is to be controlling, possessive, abusive, and shows a lack of trust.

Well thats your view and I completely respect that. But I believe eradicating the problem entirely would be an option instead of letting it fester and set the rot in the relationship.

other people that one partner is jealous of are not the problem. the problem is lack of trust, lack of communication, or insecurity. the problem is jealousy. and these are perfectly understandable things for people to experience, t feel.... but they should be overcome with trust and communication.