The idea that people who self harm never admit it is wrong, but it is something that I see a lot of people say, both those who have self harmed and those who do not self harm. While self harm is more of a secretive, behind closed doors issue, there are self hamers who do seek help by going to their friends, family, doctors, therapists, etc. Seeking help and talking about their issue of self harm, which means admitting that they self harm, doesn't make them any less of a self harmer. If anything, it adds character and strength. Seeking help can be hard; it involves effort, strength, and wanting to get better.
You could even go as far to say that saying that the idea that "people who self harm never admit it" to be dangerous. People who self harm may be more unlikely to accept help because they will be afraid that their friends, family, etc. will seek them as fake, an attention seeker, etc. all because they talked about something that was negatively effecting them. I have seen a lot of people shy away from help, even outside of self harm, because a lot of people have a negative opinion about mental illness. People should be encourage to seek help, not discouraged. I'd rather someone, even with a small issue to seek help then to keep it inside and let it build up over time.
There are many reasons why people go online to talk about their issues. For one, it is a lot more private than going to a friend or therapist. You don't have to share your name, your picture, or any information you are not comfortable giving out. With support groups for self harm, depression, anxiety, etc. it is going to be a lot more easier to find someone to talk to who knows what you are going from, and will have advice. I also find help is more unbiased, truthful, and kind because these people do not have to help me. It is their choice to do so. They may not want to risk having their friends and family, who may feel obligated to help them, telling them only what they WANT to hear and not that they NEED to hear.
Seeking help on the internet doesn't make someone an emo or scene, it doesn't make them feel, it doesn't mean they are seeking attention. Seeking help, even through a forum on the internet, is better than someone keeping it all inside and letting it build. Seeking help in general doesn't mean they are emo, scene, attention seeking, etc.
Even if the people you know do it for attention, these people do not represent even single person who self harms. Everyone has their own reason for self harming. It is not always going to be for attention, but it could because the pain distracts them, the endorphin rush, to punish themselves, to calm themselves, etc.
http://www.crpsib.com/whatissi.asp#why
Why do people self-injure?
Reasons given for self-injuring are diverse. Many individuals who practice it report overwhelming sadness, anxiety, or emotional numbness as common emotional triggers. Self-injury, they report, provides a way to manage intolerable feelings or a way to experience some sense of feeling. It is also used as means of coping with anxiety or other negative feelings and to relieve stress or pressure. Those who self-injure also report doing so to feel in control of their bodies and minds, to express feelings, to distract themselves from other problems, to communicate needs, to create visible and noticeable wounds, to purify themselves, to reenact a trauma in an attempt to resolve it or to protect others from their emotional pain (Klonsky, 2007; DiLazzero, 2003). Some report doing it simply because it feels good or provides an energy rush (although few report doing only for these reasons). Regardless of the specific reason provided, self-injury may best be understood as a maladaptive coping mechanism, but one that works – at least for a while.
In that paragraph I quoted from Cornell Search Program of Self Harm, it states that people who self harm do it to "manage intolerable feelings", "a way to express some sense of feeling", to cope with anxiety, "to feel in control of their bodies in mind", and so forth.
Someone does not have to be part of the emo or scene subculture to self harm. The idea that people in those two scenes self harm is a stereotype. From my experience and from what I have read, people who self harm come from different places in life. Self harming is something that has no true boundaries when it comes to race, age, religion, music interest, etc. Someone could be religious, into Christian music, and self harm. A girl into Hip Hop and R&B could self harm. A teacher nearing 40 could be self harming. A child around seven could be self harming for the very first time. The point here is that self harm isn't just something that effects (affects?) two subcultures that are a lot younger than the act of self harm.
Personally, I am not into either subculture. I don't like the music, I don't like the fashion, and I am not fond of the subculture. In fact, I am often annoyed by both subcultures and how people in the subculture tend to act. I will never consider myself emo or scene.
I don't think I have ever seen anyone here claim to be emo, scene, or any alternative subculture, such as goth, for that matter.
As for children; if I have children I will teach them ways to cope with their issues in healthy ways, and let them know them know that I will be there for them even through the tough times. I would educate my child, once they were old enough, about self harm, drugs, eating disorder, and how to prevent them from going down those paths. Even if they do go down that path, because even with prevention nothing is 100% perfect, I will give them the support they need.
Goddess stated a good point in response to self harm being selfish, and there being people who are worse off.
Quote:
There will always be someone worse off, that doesn't mean that people can't focus on their own problems. And you can't say that it's always selfish when you don't even know their situation. People self-harm for different reasons, some of them are physically, emotionally, and/or mentally abused - do those people have no right to be selfish and focus on themselves and their problems?
No matter who you are there will be someone worse off than you, and there will be people better off. That doesn't make the said person's emotions go away, and in fact, I have seen people feel more like crap because they keep getting told stuff like "You need to stop self harming, there's starving children in Africa!" or "You are selfish, what about the people who are worse off than you?" I have seen people NOT seek help and get worse because of these ideas. Indirectly these comments discourage people from getting the support they need.
Yes, self harm is negative, but we shouldn't be making someone who self harms feel like their problems are fake and worthless. Give them help, direct them to a hot line, give them information for a local support group, etc.
After all, self harm is a symptom of a serious issue. It is a sign that something in their life is going wrong to the point where they are finding comfort in harming themselves. They may not know any other way to cope that works, or work just as well.
I do hope what I said helps you. I am willing to speak to, to help you, etc. That said, please do not attack me. I will not hesitate to end the discussion. While what I said may come out of as harsh and rude, I am not trying to be.
I do respect you and your opinion, and I hope the same for you.
