Her Malevolence
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- Posted: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 03:45:00 +0000
♦Estelle had already known that in consenting to trade a life on shore for one by Alaric’s side she had agreed to give up all she knew for salty tides, the sound of gulls, the occasional storm, and foul mouthed company. But surprisingly she awoke to none of these. No, not even the warmth of the sun caressing her cheek could stir the woman as she slept snug against the captain. But the hand of a god…. Now that was a warmth completely of its own….. It wasn’t until she heard his voice that Estelle realized she had been discovered. And after having neglected to awaken before dawn in order to slip out of the captain’s room undetected, the only one she could blame was herself. A groan escaped the fairy as she felt for the bedding in an attempt to pull it over her head but froze as his hand slid down to her shoulder. Her eyes pried open sleepily to stare back at him with a narrowed gaze but almost immediately widened as the man’s arm slipped beneath her own and entangled around her waist as he pulled her close. The proximity between them was enough to make Estelle’s heart race as she stared back at the man with a stunned expression. But she did not fight him. Instead she felt somewhat lulled by his touch despite the smugness in his tone as he went on to make mention of her attire, his eyes lustful and making her weak beneath stare as he suggested she find something more fitting once they made port. ”Oh really? And here I was thinking the only thing that mattered to you was what lay beneath. But who am I to deny a captain. Especially one willing to part with his coin for the sake of clothing me proper.” She croaked and rubbed her eyes just as Alaric was leaning in. Again, she found herself frozen beneath his touch. Her arm falling limp atop his own as she was pressed against him and felt the softness of his lips press unto her forehead. Her face flushed a bright red and her eyes closed as the hum of his voice rolled over her skin. And for moment, there was peace between them. In her mind, this was confirmation. It was acceptance. Whatever it was that she was feeling for this man, it was real. And he felt it too.
Sadly such things could never last as even in the confines of the haven provided by the four walls around them, they were never alone. Their thoughts haunted them just as strongly as any other entity and it wasn’t long before Alaric voiced his disapproval of her being in his bedroom…. Of being with him whilst he slept. For a split second Estelle could have sworn her heart stopped as she looked back up at him with confusion and an unreasonable amount of hurt in her expression. Had she been wrong? Did he not feel the same? No… No not even a man as experienced with women as he could fake this. But still there was a degree of sincerity in his voice that startled her and before she could properly contemplate her actions, she sat up. Her body was propped up on one arm as she looked down at him with a furrowed brow in an attempt to determine what it was the captain meant in suggesting that he not get between her and the father of her child. ”A ruse…..” She didn’t like how she felt when reflecting upon that portion of his statement. It left her stomach in knots and her head clouded with bitterness. It was not at all the way she wanted to address this. Surely he didn’t mean it. The man was thick skulled in such matters. He did not know what it was she felt….. But was that to say he wasn’t speaking for himself? Was this his way of rejecting her? If so, she would have none of it. Either he told her the truth of how he felt without hiding behind preconceived assumptions or he said nothing to her at all. And honestly she wasn’t sure she was prepared for either.
”Alaric….. If such were a ruse, do you think I would be here now? I see no audience within these four walls, nor eyes to judge me by my relationship with you, if you can even call it that…… What happened between me and Caspian was well over a year and nine months ago. And that’s where it stays. I left him. I did not tell him of my pregnancy nor if I ever intended to return to Nithrill because I didn’t want to. What happened between us was brief. And if I’d had a choice I can’t say that I would have wanted for our relationship to have resulted in a child. But the gods blessed me with that baby boy. And I abandoned him. I’m led to believe that…. he did not live the life he deserved. I’ve made so many mistakes in the past, Alaric. So many and I can only pray that the gods forgive me for every last one of them. But that’s all they were. Mistakes. And I’m trying to do better by them now. This child…” She paused and sat upright with her legs crossed before reaching down and taking Alaric’s hand to press to her stomach. ”Yes. He is Caspian’s. But not in the way that you think. I did not lie to you at the inn. I have not slept with a single man since having parted from the prince before my attempt on his life. This baby is of means in which… in which I cannot tell you. Not now…… I have never put on a ruse. Not for you, not for Caspian, and certainly not for any man on this ship. And it is because I fear none. They were not put here to judge me on my worth as I have not given them permission to. But you...” She gently retracted his hand from her and laced her hand with her other in her lap as they face upward, looking down at her palms and proceeding to continue with her confession. Last night such words would have frightened her. But she knew now that if she did not put herself out there… If she did not let him know that her motives were her own and not for the sake of others he would never take her advances, nor her, seriously. And she wanted this to be serious. As dangerous and as wrong as such might have been to desire, she wanted to share these feelings with him and for him to be willing to do the same… Even if it was not as his father had intended for her to do.
”I’ve given you the opportunity to do so. Because whereas anyone else’s opinion means nothing to me, as had your own at the beginning of our time together, I’ve learned to…. Appreciate things about you that I would have otherwise written off. You’ve opened up to me about your past, your mother, your life. And I feel- No I want to do the same for you. And I want you to know that the way I feel and how I express myself towards you truly has nothing to do with your men. For they are just that. Men. And you’ve come to be of much greater importance to me than to disrespect you with the fallacies of a ruse out of self preservation. I have a purpose here. And it’s not to put on a show for your crew. So if you wish to ask something of me, then do so in knowing I will not lie to you. Because I’m not afraid. And I have nothing to hide.”