Teocadista
eyeless haruspex
Teocadista
living life thinking that there's nothing after death - it would have been better that you won't even existed at all
if you see God as of being different to anyone, then you think that you are your own God, which implies that you don't know s**t about what will come after death, so you would be a worthless god
once you learn to respect and accept death maybe you will understand that "life after death" is an impossibility presented in many religions to invoke servitude.
if I accept death, then I would have killed myself a long time ago
Death is inevitable. The only chance one has of a "true" immortal soul belongs with the message and energy one emits during life. The fact is that your words and actions will be stored in other peoples brains, for eternity if your message was meaningful to society at large or to your friend group whom will share your habits. If I write a book, I may become immortalized in people brains. To which I would then spread out through their interpretation of me.
Your life after death is not yours, it will belong to the people. Will your words and actions be cherished by future generations, or hated? Will your god be worthless because of your actions or will they embrace your god?
What counts is the now, as now is simply part of eternity. If you perceive your life as separate from eternity, than what you work for will be brought quicker by your death.