Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.2%	[ 746 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 127 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 142 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 110 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.2%	[ 260 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.8%	[ 250 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.2%	[ 157 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	2.9%	[ 75 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.8%	[ 684 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2551 ]

[Psst Over Here]

Wish I could just turn off crippling social anxiety and general fears of being a female to male transgender individual, raised as a girl and living as female for 30 years and taught to fear men. I live in the south and my way of thinking is wildly different than most in the building (I've heard them all talking).

I wish I could just stand up for myself and others, but I really just can't. Fear and anxiety are wild to deal with.

Pat's friends with most of the other men in the plant, who all think similarly to him. I greatly fear ostracizing myself from coworkers, plus putting myself into potentially dangerous situations with guys who are a lot larger than me (5'6" less than 200lbs, never been in a fight with anyone other than my sister when we were kids).

[Butcher]

I'm in a mood.

[Snivy Judges You]

You lied.

[cr0wchild]

Tfw you wanna kinda infodump to someone but you have no idea how they'll respond or even if they'll be at all interested. So you just shut down instead.

[ScreamingTrashCat]

Snivy Judges You

You lied.

[Everyday Arson Man]

Misanthropic Majesty

I wanna fall into old habits so badly, so that says a lot about how things are going right now.

[Princess Lanalie]

Treating myself tonight. I cook and clean and do every ******** thing all day everyday. I deserve a treat.

[Beasty]

Please tell me WHY managers REFUSE to address the problem person and would rather drag everyone into a pointless talk that will only piss off everyone but the ******** idiot who STILL sits there and insists she's a hard worker... I got so angry that I started shaking and it seriously took everything I had to not pop off on my manager, especially cause patients were still present..

And if you're going to pile even MORE bullshit on us check-in people for us to do on top of ******** else then we need a god-damn raise. We need a raise regardless but this is getting ridiculous. Though despite our anger, it was a bit amusing that both me and the other check-in girl immediately shut down our manager when she tried to get us to give out yet another thing of paperwork to patients when that paperwork should be left to the check-out person...aka the idiot b***h. Get your s**t together and do your ******** work.

[not gay as in happy]

Even if I do everything right.
Even if I keep up my routines.
Even if I limit screen time.
Even if I try new hobbies to occupy my time.
Even if I take all of my meds as prescribed.
Even if even if even if.

It's never really going to go away, and it's harder and harder to see the point in trying anymore.
Maybe I'll just give up.

[not gay as in happy]

That's not even taking into account my physical health.
I have no idea how the consultation is going to go on the 12th, or when the surgery will be, or what recovery will look like.

Honestly maybe I'll just fall asleep for the surgery and never wake up.

[MunkieKitten]

sigh

[Everyday Arson Man]

I'm realizing right now, since you've been intent on invading my subconscious, how bitter I am over you pissing away every single handout you've been spoonfed your entire life. Everything you have has been built on the sacrifices of those around you, and you continually ******** it up anyway&and then somehow still scrape by with no consequence in the end. I know that kind of luck couldn't possibly last forever, but that somehow makes me angrier. Not for you, but for everyone who's fed into this pool of freely-given resources to help you continually ******** up.

It's not even about us. I can separate out that pain, because I've separated myself from you. But it's knowing that you're still out there, leeching off of the goodwill of others to go and make increasingly stupid decisions, scoffing at anyone trying to help get you on a stable path (like you did me, when I was around to try and talk even a modicum of sense into you)&the fact that everyone around you is making absolutely pointless sacrifices&that drives me nuts.

I'm bitter that you could be given so much, ******** it up so wholly, and bat your eyelashes until another idiot comes along who doesn't know your bullshit and fix it for you. You don't deserve all these things you didn't work for. You never will. I should have been far less gentle with you, and told you he's rolling in his grave as he watches you do these stupid ******** things with your life.

[ScreamingTrashCat]

Went to the doc’s today.
Got my SSRIs, I’m so glad.
I start the weight loss shots next week.
And physical therapy for my back.
Imma be a person again.
Things are getting better.

[Socuteboss]