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Sangre De Espana

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Post: 20143505_877396 created on Wed, 10 Oct 2018 09:51:04 +0000
Posted: Wed, 10 Oct 2018 09:51:04 +0000

It has been a very rough last couple of months.. Trying to hang in there..

FthHpLv

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Post: 20143505_877397 created on Fri, 02 Nov 2018 20:27:01 +0000
Posted: Fri, 02 Nov 2018 20:27:01 +0000

Sangre De Espana

It has been a very rough last couple of months.. Trying to hang in there..

. I miss mine too ~ both of them were outstandingly wonderful people like I'm sure yours was. But you have your contributions to make to the world. You will be remembered just as fondly by the souls that you encourage. Think of it as gifting the people you love now and in the future with the love and support and encouragement that she (they?) gave you. It is like the cheer-multiplier on her life.

It is rough! It is 12 years since my 2nd one went to Heaven and I still bawl whenever they are mentioned. Now they are happy, fierce, proud tears instead of bleak, sad, pathetic tears. Mine are proud of what I have accomplished and know that I will be thrilled to join them when it is my turn. I know your's is/are too!!!

Please pm me if you want. heart heart heart heart heart You could tell me more about how proud you are of her/them.

x-Abunai

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Post: 20143505_877398 created on Sat, 03 Nov 2018 02:08:21 +0000
Posted: Sat, 03 Nov 2018 02:08:21 +0000

Life has been weird.
I'm just so tired.
From all the accidents and heartache.
I'm just so ******** exhausted.

Sangre De Espana

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Post: 20143505_877399 created on Sun, 04 Nov 2018 07:56:24 +0000
Posted: Sun, 04 Nov 2018 07:56:24 +0000

FthHpLv

Sangre De Espana

It has been a very rough last couple of months.. Trying to hang in there..

Life isn't worth living if you go off the deep end everytime someone dies on you.. I tried to kill someone two years ago when Pooh Bear died (he's on my profile).. I miss that dog.. only reason to even live is I have 3 kids.. but sometimes I feel like I'm putting them in danger cause they are with me.l but I'm all they have.. my daughter, I can leave her with he grandparents if needed ( her mom is serving 10 years right now.. yeah, not a female whatsoever..).. and the other two is a boy and girl set of twins, I cut her mom loose cause I got tired of the arguing and fighting over nothing.. I have a policy where I don't curse in front of the kids at all and I came close cause of the twins mom.. well, grandma was an a*****e sometimes but she was very formidable and cause of that I lived every day like she wasn't going to die.. in her final years she was blind and bed ridden but she was still feisty.. she was still a good person though.. I always had my grandma and now I feel like I have no one now, just an empty void.. I tried to kill someone when PoohBear died, I tried to kill myself whengrandma died.. I think I did kill myself as I'm just a walking shell of nothing now.. I just don't think I'll ever be me ever again.. I don't know if you believe in spiritual stuff but, I can see things that no one else can and I can still see my grandma.. but she's not her 88 year old unable to move self, shes looking like her younger self, about 25 years old.. well, while everyone opposed me going to war, grandma was ok with it.. she said I should do it.. she just didn't see anything wrong.. I'm into experimenting with other things as well, it was grandma's idea I should try drag once (I do it once in a while still do my daughter cause, to her, I'm her mother and father ).. was also a luchador until an out of the ring accident killed that off.. we'll just see where I go from here.. for now, it's just gonna be a struggle raising 3 kids on my own.. sorry, just didn't think anyone would reply.. most of the time, people in Gaia just act like jerks (maybe that's on me though cause in used to be a huge jerk in my earlier Gaia years..)..

Sangre De Espana

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Post: 20143505_877400 created on Sun, 04 Nov 2018 07:58:33 +0000
Posted: Sun, 04 Nov 2018 07:58:33 +0000

As if grandma's death wasn't enough..it gets worse.. her sister Rose dies in September and her sister Lupe in october.. can w please go the rest of the year without no more deaths? Is that so hard to ask for?

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Post: 20143505_877401 created on Sun, 04 Nov 2018 07:59:32 +0000
Posted: Sun, 04 Nov 2018 07:59:32 +0000

I'm super nervous for my upcoming surgery. I just don't know how to handle it right now.

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Post: 20143505_877402 created on Tue, 13 Nov 2018 12:33:49 +0000
Posted: Tue, 13 Nov 2018 12:33:49 +0000

Injections next week.. I hope all goes well, would be nice to no longer have to take this medication and be fully functional with no more neck pain.. might be easier to care for my kids if I didn't have to lay around so much and force them to do almost everything..

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Post: 20143505_877403 created on Tue, 20 Nov 2018 07:52:57 +0000
Posted: Tue, 20 Nov 2018 07:52:57 +0000

This is the first time I've posted on here in what? 8 years?

I've gone through a lot, and I have also grown a lot as a person, but there's only one thing that still bothers me, and that's something I still put out into the world.

I know that we were in a weird place when I asked to go on a break, but you saw that I meant that I needed a break just to not get kicked out of college. You were there to witness my fall into the worst anxiety I've ever felt. You were there to help me not get sick or fail my classes when I was spending every night in the library, by bringing me food and drinks at 3/4 am. You saw that I was working out at least 4 times a week, and that I stopped drinking for 3 months. I became someone who was going to be a better boyfriend to you, so I don't know what happened to make you drop our 2 years together, and act like I wasn't a part of your life.

I miss you. I dream about you, even though it's been 3 years. It's always me trying to talk to you, and apologize to you, and to figure out what happened, but as soon as you agree to hear me out, I wake up. Then there was the one dream finally where I got to say my peace, and you agreed to talk and let me get close to you again, but as soon as you were ready to talk, I woke up.

These dreams kill me, especially with the vivid, and many times lucid dreams that I have.

I miss you. I wish I could reconnect with you. We're older and different now.

Sangre De Espana

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Post: 20143505_877404 created on Mon, 26 Nov 2018 11:55:31 +0000
Posted: Mon, 26 Nov 2018 11:55:31 +0000

I just don't feel the same as I used to.. thing have changed and certainly not for the better.. everything I show, I show I'm fine whe I'm not.. still masking myself so people think they see the old me she all I'm doing is playing the part.......